Divine Flan of the Ages - Recipes for Disaster [with thanks to Punk of Nice!] (page 2)

truth_b_known

When prepare Cult Surpise, be sure to check cake pan for dents...

rebel8

I don't have recipes for these--they are just ideas for dishes.

field service donuts

judicial committee roast

Fornication-on-the-Beach cocktail

Pelaides cookies

Miracle Wheat bread (Yes, Russell actually made recipes using his Miracle Wheat!http://bethshancongregation.freeforums.org/any-good-recipes-using-miracle-wheat-berries-t6.html)

loose conduct hot potatoes

sex interview beef

More: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/social/humour/168282/1/2008-THANKSGIVING-MENU-AT-BETHEL

ziddina

Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

You guys are GREAT!!!!

Lemme try another one!!!

Take one well-aged Middle-Eastern holy book....

Add blind faith, superstitious mentalities and primitive mythologies...

Allow to rise in a warm cozy atmosphere of false assurances that hide the underlying ignorance and fear...

But be sure to keep the mixture away from the cold drafts of scientific research and discovery...

Bake in the warm glow of impenetrable, absolute belief in the correctness of the aged mythology book...

Serve whole - avoid the cutting edge of up-to-the-minute scientific discoveries...!!

punkofnice

Sweet and Sour Meat in pooh seasoning!

Take one magazine for the public and sugar coat it with 'theocratic warfare' lies about how good it is in the watchtower organization trading as 'Jehovah's witnesses'(TM). Tell the public they can join the cult and leave at any time all smiles and niceness.

Take another magazine for the congregation(TM) only (Unless requested, but even then no one will ask and even if they do resistance will be maximum until the person asking gives up), fill it with bitter hate filled controlling messages that contradict the 'public' edition.

Tell the cult members they MUST read both.

Simmer for 136 years or until 'overlapping' stops.

Before long you'll have a sweet and sour confused barmy army full of cognitive dissonance ready to give you their time, lives, money and eveything in their last will and testament.

Bring the meat in due seasoning up to date by getting a flunky or lawyer type in Brooklyn beth-hell to go online and read 'apostate' view points. This way you will be able to flavour your magazines with contra arguments to what's being posted. (EG. in the '60's we were told about 'apostates' that we must 'hate the person in the truest sense!' Since this has become common knowledge on the internet the WBT$ has now written the opposite in the ........wait for it.........PUBLIC edition! No surprises there!)

Finally serve you sweet and sour meat in pooh seasoning with lashings of vitriol and hatred!

punkofnice

For a creamier sauce, stir through 1tbsp of low-fat crème fraîche or extra light cream cheese after you've mixed the love bombing with the baptismal water.

.75g (3oz) dried daily texts
1 finely chopped flip flop
Bitter comment from a CO, to sauté
8 chopped report slips
2tbsp kingdumb maladies
Fresh rules, to garnish

Method

Cook the accounts books according to the letter to all bodies of elders instructions in a large pan full of boiling hatred for ‘apostates’.
Drain the JWs of their cash and reserve about 1tbsp of the real estate for later.
Meanwhile, sauté the study in a little love bombing until softened.
Add the flip flop and CO’s bitter comment and cook briefly.
Mix together the kingdumb maladies and the reserved fresh rules.
Season with cognitive dissonance. Add austerity to the propagandist language used in the daily text; mix thoroughly.
Serve hot, garnished with a sprinkling of fresh logical fallacies.

lisaBObeesa

Best.thread title.EVAH

startingover

I'm sure enjoying this thread.

punkofnice

I would say this is really cookin'...........................but it would be a very silly pun!

rebel8

Assembly Grand Slam

Take a cheese danish out of the freezer. Take a lemon-lime Shasta soda out of the fridge. Gather a bag of soft, low grade fruit with bruises; assemble 1 banana, 1 apple and 1 orange into a plastic bag and seal tightly, ensuring they will rot by lunchtime.

Meanwhile, slather some generic brand imitation Miracle Whip on a cheap hoagie roll made with the gummiest white flour. Add some room temperature turkey, ham and mystery meat. Add as much shredded lettuce as you can fit. Squish into tightly wrapped plastic along with a plastic packet of mustard. It's important you add as many moist ingredients as possible and wrap them very tightly; this technique must be done precisely to ensure the bread reaches the perfect level of sogginess.

Do this while you are standing on a concrete floor for hours in pantyhose, hideos looking but uncomfortable heels, plastic gloves, plastic apron and plastic shower cap in a dingy, dimly-lit basement of an auditorium while trying to distract yourself from listening intently to the assembly program broadcast over a dusty loudspeaker that drops particles onto the hoagies. Stop during the prayer, only if an elder or a young hottie is watching, so you will appear to be a superfine spiritual TM volunteer. Clap your plastic gloves loudly after the prayer, being careful not to spray bits of fake Miracle Whip onto your best assembly dress.

Let food sit at room temperature for several hours or days. When ready to serve, take a pudding cup out of the freezer. Charge $8 for the ensemble.

Wolf down yours while balancing a 1-ply napkin over your left knee while listening to the gossip and watching the youth try to pick up a future mate TM . Make sure you eat fast or you won't have time to stand in line use the bathrooms that smell like a combo of the cheapest chemical-laden cleanser manufactured by Chinese toddlers, diarrhea and body odor. Save the grease-stained napkin for use as a headcovering at Tuesday morning's field service meeting when you must show you are an inferior female proper respect for headship while leading the meeting; it's extra holy because it came from the assembly.

wha happened?

I'm not into flan. Looks and feels like snot to me. I suppose the divine flan is divinely snotty

Divine Flan of the Ages - Recipes for Disaster [with thanks to Punk of Nice!]

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