Last week Wednesday at about 11:40 pm, on a cold and rainy night, my uncle breathed his last breath. It was in his sleep. He was at hospice and he was alone. Alone because the whole family was there the previous night saying their goodbyes. My aunt and I stayed the entire night to watch over him. The hospice didn't think to call us a second night in a row.
I had been preparing for his death, mentally and spiritually, I knew it was coming. I knew on Wednesday afternoon that it couldn't be very far off. My uncle responded very little, but heard enough to face me when I spoke to him. I held his hands, rubbed his arm and spoke loving words to him. He didn't or rather couldn't take in any food or liquid, or rather 2 little sips, not amounting to much. Since he couldn't control his showing of pain any more there were 2 occassions he cried out in such agony that I just burst into tears. I knew it would be better for him to go, to be free of that agony.
Rob called me and told me my uncle had passed and because sleep still fogged my mind I just said "ok". 2 min later I was up and phoning my aunt to tell her I'd meet her at hospice. I had to go see my uncle one more time, make sure that somehow he was okay! I arrived at the hospice and went to go see my uncle. He was so quiet, his chest was so still. "Obviously" you may say, but it wasn't really. I expected him at any moment to take a deep breath and continue breathing. I had heard him do that so many times in the recent past that it seemed plausible it would happen again. He kept very still, and very quiet. I touched his cheek and the cool creep of death had already started. My uncle looked so at peace. I knew that the pain was over and there was no more suffering for him. That was a huge comfort.
I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want to turn and walk out of the room. I didn't want to leave him alone.
I drove back home, climbed into my bed, my cat Belle was there and I slept a sleep of utter exhaustion, the tension had totally left my body and all that was left was emotional, physical, mental and spiritual peace. I slept a most healing sleep without dreams, without stirring.
I think back to when my weightloss journey started. The inspiration to get my butt into gear came from my uncle. He kept encouraging me as he saw me losing the weight. He knew I could always do it. I will continue to do it. I will reach my goal! I am only sad that he will not see that moment!
Tomorrow is the funeral! His nephews and nieces will honor him by carrying his coffin into the church, we will honor him with our words. We will honor him by living our best life and by being the very best we can. He told us we were winners, we were champions and each and every one of us are!
To my brother Mark, to my closest cousins: Warren, Graham and Kath, we are on the shoulders of a champion, we can accomplish all that we desire. I love you all dearly!