New here looking for some help

by angel.face 49 Replies latest jw friends

  • PaintedToeNail

    Welcome angel.face, I empathize with your pain and your situation and wish you the best in your endeavors.

  • PaintedToeNail

    Welcome lola-rabbit, nice to have you here, good luck and best wishes with your family too.

  • DesirousOfChange

    CEDARS: All I can say is be EXTREMELY patient, cautious and conciliatory with your husband if you want to avoid being disfellowshipped. I came close to being the subject of a judicial committee myself (I won't say now how I got out of it), and I soon resolved that it is better to resort to deception than risk being cut off from your family just for the sake of making some kind of 'statement' (not that it came to that, fortunately). If you have seen how bad it is, you will realise now that your elders were NOT appointed by holy spirit, so it's pointless indulging their whims.

    SKEETER: Because you have children, I think it's very wise to do whatever is possible to keep the family intact (unless your husband is beating you/kids). ..............Better to stay in the marriage and guide the children as much as possible away from the Watchtower (i.e. towards college). As they get to be teenagers, you can help resist their baptism by pointing out their immaturity in other areas. Just get them to 18. Do what it takes. It may mean keeping up a front.

    DIAMONDZ: You may do study together with your husband. Maybe, a good oppertunity would be to bring up the new WT articles on 607BC and actually research what wts wrote and bring out the points. There are several indepth discussions on this forum that may help you with your research.

    LEAVINTWT: You will be asked, repeatedly and at different times, whether or not you "still believe that WT is God's Organization". If you want to continue a diaologe, you MUST always answer 'Yes', every single time. If you ever say 'No', you will be dismissed, in their minds, for good.

    ANGEL, you have some priceless advice there!

    NEVER NEVER NEVER admit questioning the WTS as God's Channel or Organization on Earth today, just as LWT has stated.

    ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ERASE YOUR COMPUTER'S BROWSER MEMORY or your hubby or someone visiting will find that you are on APOSTATE SITES.

    Find an excuse for the information you have recently discovered about WT doctrine. NOT THAT YOU ARE RESEARCHING ONLINE. Someone at work. Someone in the family. Someone with whom you are having scripturual discussions at the door. DO NOT ADMIT TO LOOKING AT APOSTATE WEBSITES.

    Be cautious if you purchase or download Crisis Of Conscience. IT IS APOSTATE MATERIAL. Easier to hide a pdf copy than a hard copy (IMHO). Steve Hassan's books are not officially apostate. He is NOT an apostate. He was not a former JW and he does not directly attack only JWs.

    YOUR BUDDY SAID: He got quite defensive and when he couldnt answer a question I posed he said "do I have to witness to you now?".

    Take the offense, and tell him HELL YES, THAT IS HIS JOB!

    YOUR spirituality is HIS responsibility!

    Draggin in the elders will only result in HIM LOSING HIS MS responsibilities, because HE is NOT doing HIS JOB.

    If there is ANYTHING he does that is questionable? Remind him of it --

    Cheating on counting time in Field Service at McDonalds? --

    FAILING to have regular Family Worship Night? -- that alone will get him removed! --

    Oral Sex? --

    R-rated movies? -- or even occasional porn?

    Overdrinking on occasion? Driving when he would fail a breathalizer?

    You can compare any of these things to the MINOR issue that you have about YOUR CONFUSION over the minor WT issue. Remember, it's just some minor confusion -- NOT A STUMBLING BLOCK -- NOT worthy of talking to anyone else about it -- after all, YOU ARE WAITING ON JEHOVAH TO RESOLVE IT AND NOT GOING TO MAKE A BIG ISSUE ABOUT IT WITH THE ELDERS OR THE CO OR ANYONE ELSE. Stick by that!!!

    Why is he so upset over your question but a BJ is OK? or something like that........( That's a great issue to suggest asking the elders or CO about.)

    TELL US: What is the issue that has broadsided you?

    Good Luck


  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Welcome to our nightmare, Angel Face

    DF/DA are not scriptural or Watchtower reasons for divorce. If anyone claims they are, they should immediately be challenged to show you the documentation.

    This goes for anything any JW tells you that doesn't sound right.

    Read last Sunday's WT on apostacy and memorise every tool they use to ID an apostate. Don't break the rules.

    Your best chance to help your family out is while you are a member in good standing. It is a tightrope walk. You have to tread that fine line between questioning and apostacy. Be gentle. Enquiring. Loving. Let him be the offensive one, then guilt him for the behaviour.

    "do I have to witness to you now?"

    This is a trick. A diversionary tactic. He doesn't want to confront the issue. Answers might include, "I just want a sensible, honest, answer to the question. One that I could give a to Bible Study without feeling guilty that I am somehow deceiving them.", or "It wasn't properly explained to me when I was studying, now I want to know the answer ......... why it wasn't explained properly .......... told about it ......... whatever.

    JWs use a lot of tricks. Character assassination and attacking your motives are very common. If he tries either, accuse him of using the tactic to avoid asking the question. If you remember him, or the WT, using the same tactic against another religion, remind him and ask how he feels about that.

    Every time he answers a question .....pause ...... take the time to ask yourself if what he just said truly answered your question. A JW diatribe is often about a closely related subject without really tackling the issue you raised. If he tries that, just say he didn't answer your question, then restate it without rephrasing it.

    Remember at all times that one of the biggies that they watch out for is Apostate literature, talk. Do not show him anything you do not have in your library or WTCD. Do not tell him anything he doesn't already know, or shouldn't already know.

    He must do the talking, not you. He must make the statements, not you.

    He is taught that they have all the answers. He is taught that his church can save you from certain death at Armageddon, which is comming VERY soon. Use that to keep him wanting to save you.

    If you make a statement you must have the literature to back it up. When you do that, do not read it to him. Ask him to read it to you and explain it.

    If he makes a statement you know is wrong, challenge him to show you that from a Bible, WT literature, encyclopedia, dictionary, etc..

    The primary doctrine is that Jesus selected the WT in 1919 to be god's sole channel. Don't waste your rare religious talk time on subjects that do not directly support that doctrine. It just creates needless friction and as long as he believes that, he couldn't give a toss how well you present the case for any other subject anyway.

    Softly, softly, catchee monkey.


  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    Welcome Angel face and Lola-Rabbit, wishing you both love and luck x

    Great to have you with us x Listen to the advice and think carefully before you impliment your next move. Its crunch time very soon x

  • kazar

    Welcome Angel Face! Looking forward to your future posts.

  • jwfacts

    Welcome. I am sorry to hear of the situation you are now in. It is very difficult to leave the WTS when a spouse is still in. Whilst there are plenty of stories on here of people that have managed to open their spouses eyes, there seem to be an equal amount where the spouses becomes more fanatical and ends up in separation.

    You seem to have done your research and are taking the right approach. I recommend not rushing things. You can keep up appearances for the sake of the family for months or even a couple of years. That will give you time to let the emotions you are going through settle down. It will also allow your husband to slowly get used to your new direction.

    Teaching your children critical thinking skills will prevent them becoming a JW in the long term. Reason with them on why people belong to different religions. The more they learn about other people's beliefs, and that religion is a product of where a person is born, the less dogmatic they will be. Also try to get them to be positive about life and how wonderful the time period we live in is, as JWs are trained in negativity so as to long for Armageddon and a new system.

  • metatron

    Welcome Angel Face.

    I strongly suggest that you do two things: first, stifle the urge to 'tell all' to these deceived people, who will betray you and disfellowship you. Please shut up! (I wish there was someone who would have told me this years ago).

    Second, claim a chronic illness. Migraine, depression, fibromyalgia, whatever works for you. This will get you out of meetings and any other problems you run into. It is the key excuse used by countless bored, disgusted Witnesses the world over.

    I'm serious. Don't be 'honest' with these people. Don't cooperate with their heartlessness or cultish behavior.


  • finallysomepride

    Welcome Angel.face

    I really can't offer you any more advise than what has already been offered, with the exception of this.

    Make sure your internet & computer is secure from spying eyes, best to use your own username/profile on your computer which your husband does not have access to & make it password secured.

    If not, always delete browser history/cache when closing, this will help.

    Just my thoughts


  • flipper

    ANGEL FACE- So nice to have you here on the board. As you know- you are in a precariously challenging position. All the posters have given you great advice ! Read their replies carefully . Their advice I agree with, I have nothing to add. We are all here as a support system to you. Many of us have been here, done this , just know that we care. Hang in there

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