Im being disfellowshipped

by newcomer1982 42 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sd-7

    Sorry to hear this. Not because it has spiritual meaning, but because it can be an emotional time. There is a lot of fear and uncertainty at that stage, maybe even a lot of anger. People start turning on you, turning their backs, and so on. But it's also the beginning of what can be a really wonderful freedom for you. This is a chance to build up your emotional strength and your intellectual muscles as well. Read as much as you can about cults, ex-JWs, and learn, learn, learn.

    The way I see it, anyone who doesn't want to see me doesn't want to see my children, either, as far as family goes. They just removed themselves from the equation and blamed it on me. You want to go down that road? Fine. I'm not going to watch you leave, good riddance, sweetheart.

    But it's not that simple for others, so I can't dictate how it should be for you. I hope you'll find comfort and support in this difficult time. And...welcome back to Earth, pal!


  • hamsterbait

    Why do you want to allow your children to be taught disrespect for another human being and their belief or lack of it?

    Why do you want your children to learn the ways of conditional love for family and children?

    Why do you want to allow your childrens little minds to be filled with poison fear and emotional blackmail?


  • ABibleStudent

    newcomer1982 - I was supposed to go to a judical meeting on sat but i told the elders i wasnt going but they held it anyway. Its going to be announced that im going to be disfellowshipped at the weekend. Hate the fact my parents wont talk to me anymore. I hope they will still see their grandson though. Its been such a stressful experience. I feel like ive been put on trial.

    Welcome newcomer1982 and I am sorry that you will be df'ed. Instead of feeling that being df'ed as a bad thing, go out and have some fun with your kids. Stop playing by the WTBTS' rules, and start living your life the way that you want to live it!! Celebrate Birthdays and holidays with your "Worldly" friends, and invite your parents to the parties and send pictures of you and your family having great times together to your parents. With all your spare time now, read Steve Hassan's books (e.g., "Combatting Cult Mind Control") to learn how to communicate with your parents when they are in cult mode. Also, as other posters have mentioned, don't let your parents indoctrinate your kids. You are the parent of your kids, so establish rules of behavior for your parents. If your parents cannot follow your rules, then your parents cannot spend unsupervised time with your kids.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Bella15

    Also ....

    now you can sent the Watchtower a letter renouncing you membership with that CORPORATION. While DF'd you are still considered as part of that organization ... in their eyes ... you are being punished and in due time you will return, you are also suject to visits or call every year or so ---ewwww. If it was your idea to leave, to help with closure it is a good idea to send a letter to them ... it is YOU LEAVING not THEM KICKING YOU OUT ...

  • sizemik

    Sorry to hear you're going through this . . . it is a hard thing to bear.

    Just remember . . . behind these little dialogue boxes are real people. People that know and understand . . . and feel very deeply for you.

    All the best for coming days . . . and stay with us.

  • clarity


    Yes, who are they, to do this?

    It is so amazing that a "group" can decide so many terrible things for our lives, who lives & who dies, who to stop talking to, who to marry, who to lie to, ...........

    And the real strange part ........... we've let them!!!!

    Let's just stop that right now!

    All the best


  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    You can inform those elders that I've carefully and prayfully deliberated the matter. The Holy Spirit has moved me to disfellowship all of them.

    Good luck on your new life!

  • flipper

    NEWCOMER 1982- I've been through this myself. I know it's not easy. Please be assured of our unconditional caring and friendship towards you. We are glad you are here. Hang in there

  • ziddina

    I'm sorry to hear that you're going to have to go through this period of stress and discomfort.

    But as SD-7 and several others have said, this is actually the beginning of freedom in your life.

    No longer do you have to follow Watchtower edicts on what books you can read [maybe now is the time to read the "Harry Potter" series?"], movies you can watch [I recently saw "Another Earth" - it was pretty good], clothes you can wear [now you can wear ??skirts?? of any length and pantsuits and brightly-colored clothes and patterns and jewelry and - well, you get the idea..], and so on.

    From this point on, you can participate in political rallies, charities, group therapies, social clubs [sewing, quilting, Society for Creative Anachronism], spend time online without fear of "demunzz" [I think "World of Warcraft" looks like fun!], and support for your local fire department/police/social workers/civic centers...

    You can sleep in on Saturdays, watch cheesy old movies on Saturday night [like Elvira's "Movie Macabre" ] or even go out for drinks and dinner with friends on Tuesday/Thursday evenings, and brunch on Sunday mornings!!

    First thing - this is what I recommend to ANYone leaving - make sure you're financially secure - or take steps to become financially secure. See what aid/assistance is available for young people/mothers, talk to your local CHURCHES - tell them what you're going thru, and maybe they can provide some help. DISCLAIMER - Do NOT join another church immediately after leaving the Witnesses!! SHOP AROUND. [Anyone remember that old song?]

    Secondly, get as much education as you can. Community colleges are a GOOD source for cheap education - and many four-year colleges accept credits from community colleges - double-check if you're taking classes with an eye to transferring the credits later on...

    Thirdly, start making new friends - and clubs/groups are a good place to find new friends. The same advice applies about new friends as about churches - having been in a high-control group, you will want to avoid ending up in another high-control - controlled - relationship.

    Best of happiness in your new life!!

    Zid the She-Devil

    This is a very important postscript - others have mentioned controlling your parents' time with your child/children. I totally agree - the absolute LAST thing that you would want, is to have them influence or intimidate your children into the religion, and eventually into becoming estranged from YOU... That has happened, to some people on this site - and it's agonizing... I would like to see you successfully avoid THAT particular heartbreak...

  • cofty

    Sorry to hear your going through this right now. I would agree that its best to help grandparents keep in touch if possible but make sure its on your terms. Don't let them treat you like a paria in front of your children and make sure you can trust them not to try to indoctrinate them.

    In my case both sets of grandparents chose not to keep in touch - their loss. My parents are trying hard to build a relationship with my grown up children now but they have missed out on so much. Horrible cult.

    Don't be afraid of the shunning that will follow. Hold your head high and refuse to play by their silly rules. Well done on staying away from the judicial.

    Best wishes.

Share this