Awwwwww Timmy! You sweet, sweet man. Big hugs from me brother...
This is my first post on this forum (or any exJW forum),
I've been reading a lot of the posts here for the last couple of days and just had to comment on yours.
There is definitely a nice feeling to going to a hall. I left (for the final time) in 2004 and since then I went to
every memorial and got roped into going to one day of one convention.
When I walked into the convention there WAS a lovely feeling that I felt was a spiritual kind of thing.
But since then, I've found that this feeling is always there when a group of people all believe essentially the same thing as each other
and have gratitude for what they're learning.
The fact that you went to this meeting undercover just before getting DF'ed sounds a little bit like getting one last fix
of that nice feeling - totally understandable. After years of being ExJW it seems a lot like there are quite a few stages that you go through.
I was convinced when I first left that I was the problem, and the society was right. Then that all religions are right in their own way, and armageddon was still coming etc.
Now I feel like everyones just trying their best - so many good people on the planet you know.
(As for the society, the more I learn the more I can't quite figure out where they're coming from)
So I went to a lot of different churches and buddhist temples etc. and chatted to new friends that I met, Hindus, Muslims etc.
Was a brilliant thing to do. I think you're definitely on the right track there. Check them all out and find a spiritual community (religious or not)
that loves you just as you are.