Anniversary of my mums death....the JW robbed me of time with her and I cant forgive them.

by Pams girl 34 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pams girl

  Its been 2 years. She was lying in intensive care (I didnt know she only had a few days left).....

  Building up to the bloody convention in Cardiff Millenium Stadium. Yap yap yap we can take you yap yap, you NEED to be there yap yap, oh my head was all over the place. I WENT....I LEFT my mother ALONE in a bloody ward attatched to tubes and machines FOR THOSE BASTARDS!

  She died 2 days later. The routine op went wrong and the surgeon nicked her bowel and she died of blood poisoning. I SHOULD have been with HER not them. Im so upset and angry today. I will never get that time back. I will never forgive myself.

  Im so sorry Mam.

  If I could post a link it would be "Somewhere" by El Divo...her fave.

  Im alone today.

  Im upset.

  I hate them.

  Is it normal after 2 years to still hate them?

  Can I move on and forgive?

  I wish I could hug a friend. I wish............I wasnt alone.

  Im sorry. Dont feel too good and my panic and anx is rising.

  Thanks for listening. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

  Love Paula xxxxxx
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  Dudu

  Yes , it is good to take things out of your chest ... What a difficult situation you went through!!! But love can take you where hate cant ....... FORGIVE YOURSELF , that was one event and if you were supportive and loving towards your mom during the whole life you should try to balance those emotions and think about all the good memories as well as the moments she needed you and you were there. .... many many hugs for you
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  TotallyADD

  Sorry for your loss. They are bastards. Part of the mind control they have on people is making conventions more important than your family. Continue to post and get this off your chest. Forgive yourself. Try to think of all the good times you had with your mother. Be thankful you had a mother who loved you while she was on this earth. Your story will touch the heart of many here. It did mine. Please try to have a good day. We will be thinking of you. Take care. Totally ADD
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  Broken Promises

  I'm so sorry ((((((Paula)))))

  That time has gone, but you still have plenty of happy memories to nourish your soul. Focus on the wonderful things and the wonderful times you had with your mother - just giving you life was a gift from her.

  In memory of Pam:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2mkmy3i2X4
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  Pams girl

  Im so glad to have you guys x
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  Pams girl

  Oh I just cant stop crying.
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  Pams girl

  How could I have been so STUPID TotallyAdd to put them before her?????

  BP, as always, youre a true friend, thanks so much for the music x

  I may be blonde but Im not an idiot. HOW did they get into my head with their smiling faces and hugs? Maybe the problem isnt THEM, its over. Maybe its ME, I cant forget how I LET THEM rob me of the last precious moments.

  TotallyAdd I may have to keep venting. Im sorry. I hope those of you whove come to know me over the past monthes will understand. Im a good person. Im an ex-nurse, a mother, and a nana now. I didnt hurt anyone in my entire life. Its not in me. Hard to ask for help. But today is pretty bad.

  I dont feel so good.

  Thanks for being there, even if you are half way across the world. Maybe thats what makes it all the more special to me. Sorry x
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  sizemik

  I remember your first post Paula . . . If your broken heart is still under repair . . . it's a fine testament of your love for her.

  Remember though . . . it's mind-control . . . and no shortage of peer pressure (from your only "peers") that imposed itself. If you felt no regret then that would be a wrong . . . but what your heart feels absolves you.

  You have a right to be angry with them . . . but not with yourself.
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  Dudu

  Pams girl: I am brunette and guess what??? Im not an idiot either !!! My point is, we were only naive .. everybody wants a better world , a better life, and some of us , we want to please God as well. Dont let them win by destroying your emotions ....if you wanna talk pls PM me with your email to add you i msn. I cant PM as im new here ,
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  cantleave

  ((((Paula))))