Anniversary of my mums death....the JW robbed me of time with her and I cant forgive them.

by Pams girl 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • talesin

    Paula it's only been two years,,, still fresh. I'm glad hubby is coming home, and I can only echo the previous comments.

    Sending you lots of love and good energy today.


  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    I still feel anger and it's been about two years for Mom, and about 8 years for Dad. I was there for both of them at death. Where I wasn't there was between 1991 and 1999. I was married to a JW, also a JW myself, and just full of myself. I look back at all those years that I was distant to my parents, (Because they are wordly), as though I were robbed of those years and memories. I also blame my Father's death on JW's. (That is a thread to itself).

    The only thing that keeps the anger down is the fact that everytime I go to that angry place, I know I'm giving time to Jdubs in my mental health.

  • Velour

    Oh you sweet thing! (hug)

    Forgiveness is hard. It's hard to ask for, to give, and to recieve. It's harder when it's yourself that has to ask, give, and recieve it from yourself. All of these steps take time, maybe even a life time. For all the time in-between, thought, please vent and cry and scream and write or whatever you need to do to release that pain you carry, let these natural processes lead you to the next steps.

    Big hugs darling

  • VIII

    So sorry you weren't there for your Mum.

    I wish my Mom would visit my sis who is dying in the hospital as I type this. She has various excuses, however, I know it's the religion.

    Effing, JWs.

    Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

  • mummatron

    Awww Paula honey,

    I feel awful for you. I wish I'd seen this earlier before I went out for the afternoon, I'd have driven straight over to give you that much needed hug.

    We missed the last few days with my grandpa because we were at the convention and we stayed behind an extra day to clean the Arms Park when he died.

    Sizemik's words were especially touching and helpful. Your Mum passed knowing that you love her. She sounds like she was one hell of a girl - a real character. Is there anything you'd like to do, eat/drink, or anywhere you might like to go that you can do in her honour?

    Will send you a PM...

    Lots of love & ((hugs)) xxx

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    In bed. Had pizza. Sobering up with a cup of PG Tips tea....

    I REALLY DONT KNOW WHERE I WOULD HAVE BEEN TODAY WITHOUT YOU LOT. Thank you ALL for letting me share and vent.

    Crying all day is tiring but carthartic. Time to let it go.

    Goodnight all, much love x

  • Diest

    Paula don’t blame yourself for giving into mind control. It is so subversive and so evil. They had us all doing terrible things. They deserve your hatred.

    I don’t think I have ever cried so much than when I started reading about how many people were wronged by the organization. Lost Families, lost friends, lost children.

    Matthew 7:16 By their fruits YOU will recognize them. Never do people gather grapes from thorns or figs from thistles, do they?

    We can sit here eating grapes and figs together, while we help each other remove the thorns and the thistles that they coverd us with.

  • transhuman68

    In a way that is just the way life is. People pass away in places and at times when we don't expect it, and we think there will be a chance to say goodbye and time to do it, but in reality it rarely works out that way. Maybe we all wish we had done something differently now someone we loved is gone, but ... you can't see around corners. Life is full of the unexpected.

  • Hortensia

    I'm sorry. You'll feel better eventually. Sometimes you just have to accept that you can't go back and change the past, and you can't let it destroy your joy forever. Your mother knew you loved her, she loved you.

    I hope you can give yourself some credit for the good things you did with your mother and not focus only on the sad end.

  • Ding


    Don't beat yourself up.

    You said it was supposed to be routine surgery.

    If you had known it was life threatening you would have stayed with her.

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