Thanks for your support JWN!!! Dad dies monday, JW family goes to convention on thursday

by Coffee House Girl 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    Coffee Shop Guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

    Here's my experience so far...

    My father dies Monday night & my brother (nonJW) calls me to come home, when I arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the JW family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non JW brother is standing in the next room. No one is crying, no one is talking. I hug my mom, people talk around me, but it is clearly uncomfortable- no displays of family love for me or my bro. It was so cold and wierd. The first conversations I heard even before they took my dad out of the house was that they were not changing their plans for the convention this weekend....WTF!!!!!!

    They were trying to figure out how to rush this so they would not have to change their hotel plans for the convention, so the visitation was Wednesday & they buried him Thursday morning at 9am so they could get on the road to the hotel.

    I am pretty torn on that one...I am mad & sad that they left, I feel that the whole process was rushed & respect for my dad and his life was trumped over loyalty to the Borg (which I knew was going to happen to a degree...I thought my mom would react differently though)

    They are having a "memorial service" next Saturday at the Kingdom Hall- which is another thing he did not want, they always said that Dad would just have a graveside service since he wasn't a "spiritual" person- but that went out the window & he's having the full Jdub service complete with the typical "timeshare" speech about their doctrine & advertising people to join the publishing cult-

    My brother and I spent our time alone remembering him our way...sitting by a campfire, roasting hot dogs and drinking strohs light beer (his favorite). That was very nice & I was grateful for the opportunity.

    Thanks again for everyone's love and support- I would be lost without all your advise and experiences!!!


  • chickpea

    you and your brother paid a WONDEFUL tribute to your dad!

    i hope my kids sit around a campfire drinking honeyweiss
    and listening to milw brewers on the radio when i am gone....
    that would be the ultimate!!

    godspeed you thru these days ahead as you deal with the
    arrogant and misguided behaviours of your family members...

    they seriously are not using their minds and it shows


  • NewChapter

    I'm sorry for your loss Coffee House Girl. I'm sorry for the broken family. I went out in service the morning after my mother's funeral. The cult personality is a strong one.

    Are you going to attend the jdub memorial? They are not actually concerned with respecting the dead, that would be creature worship. So I'm sure this fits in perfectly with their cult world view.


  • man in black
    man in black

    OMG, I started to cry while reading your post, I'm so sorry that you had to deal, with the jw mindset during such a sad time.

  • mrsjones5

    So sorry for your loss CHG. I'm glad you and your brother were able to do a borgless remembrance for your father.

  • Quandry

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

    So glad that your brother could have a quiet time of remembrance with you. Perhaps after the convention is over, Mom may want to talk.

    I remember a woman from years ago that told me about her mother dying in the hotel while at a convention...she was so pleased that she "died with her boots on." I know at the time I marveled at this theocratic view. They are just being good dubs...

  • daringhart13

    I'm so sorry Coffee House Girl..... I hope you and your brother can find some peace.

    I'm just speechless about these people anymore..... they have NO love whatsoever (1 Cor. 13:1-8)

  • OnTheWayOut
    My brother and I spent our time alone remembering him our way...sitting by a campfire, roasting hot dogs and drinking strohs light beer (his favorite). That was very nice & I was grateful for the opportunity.

    That's really what counts, you and your brother remembered him properly.

    JW's are silly about death in the family. There are family and financial reasons to have a quick service on a weekday, but then family would use the weekend to bond and mourn or celebrate the life of the deceased.

    I want you to know that it's not just your family. Here was my thread about JW reaction to death:


    My wife's best friend had this very lazy sister. The sister in her early 40's has done
    little work during her entire life. As it turns out, she was very lazy because she was
    very sick. She didn't know it. Family didn't know it. They all just figured she was
    lazy. New symptoms developed and it was suggested that she see a doctor immediately.

    The best friend's sister went with her mother to the local doctor. He said she was going
    to die very soon. They went to a specialist more than a thousand miles away to see what
    could be done. While visiting the city where the specialist was, my wife's best friend's sister
    died. So in the course of a few weeks, she went from lazy person to sick person to dead
    person. Her mother had her cremated and returned home with the body.

    HERE's THE SICK REACTION FROM FAMILY. The best friend and others in the family
    had already purchased travel tickets so they could attend their District Convention. Because
    of this, the funeral was postponed. The best friend and her brother were both at the same
    DC that my wife was at. I saw them at dinner one night. They were explaining how they
    had to travel to the funeral NEXT weekend.

    The best friend lived in the same home with her sister and parents. The brother of the best
    friend did not. I find it totally horrible that, no matter the previous plans, they did not change
    them to be there for their grieving parents. Remember, this was a sudden diagnosis and a
    sudden death. Mom and Dad were fully understanding of the delay to come because they
    know that Jehovah's mind-control programs come first.

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    So sorry to hear of your loss.

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    Sorry for loss CHG. It made me feel good reading about you and brother around the campfire. The way you described that was a fitting illustration of genuine love and heartfelt reflection. It's almost like the campfire, you, and your brother, each represent something significant.

    I don't want to come off like I'm judging anybody when speaking about CHG's JW relatives as everybody grieves and deals with death in their own way, but there is something generic and void of warmth in the way some JW's deal with death. On a similar note, there's a situation in a neighboring congregation with a sister who has an unbelieving husband. A relative in her family died, and being that she was a newly baptized JW, the JWs in that congregation rallied to her and supported her. A few months later, someone in her unbelieving husband's family died, and none of the JWs in that congregation expressed any sympathies, despite being aware of his loss. As a result, he went from being somewhat indifferent to JWs, to completely despising them. The JW who told me the story, stated that he completely understands where the guy is coming from. Its strange in JW land, but in many cases natural love isn't present where it should be, rather there's a synthetic, or manufactured love that isn't very deep within the heart when push comes to shove as evidenced within CHG's JW relatives, and OTWO's post.

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