'BELIEVE IT OR LEAVE IT' - a long time faders dilemma.

nicolaou

I've noticed a lot of newbies aren't bothering with long fades from the WT. Good for them, perhaps this younger, more savvy generation are more comfortable sticking two fingers up to the organisation and forcing their families to make the uncomfortable decisions about associating with them.

I applaud you, you were happy to believe it or leave it.

Me? I submitted my last field service report more than 11 years ago and have been 'fading' ever since, and I'm sick of it. Constantly minding what I have to say, constantly taking their precious consciences into account. I love them but this one way relationship makes ache. For eleven years I've really, really tried hard to keep these relationships alive but I'm just viewed with suspicion and fear. I'm tired of being an issue - I'm their brother!

When I started doubting all those years ago my field service was the first thing to go (a big deal for this ex-pioneer) and when I finally stopped believing it was 'The Truth' I said goodbye to the Kingdom Hall as well.

BELIEVE IT OR LEAVE IT

Except that . . . I haven't really left have I? Not completely anyway. A part of me is still 'owned' by this f**king cult that ensnared my family when I was just 4 years old. They still dangle the sword of Damocles over my head.

I have a decision to make . . . . .

leavingwt

Write the letter and be done with it. The rest of your life can begin TODAY. If you EMAIL the letter to a few JW elders today, it will all be over.

NOTE: I do mean OVER. It's a bell that cannot be un-rung. They will shun you as the lowest form of life. Your closest friends and family will shun you and say hurtful things about you.

No Room For George

NOTE: I do mean OVER. It's a bell that cannot be un-rung. They will shun you as the lowest form of life. Your closest friends and family will shun you and say hurtful things about you.

Just reading that gives me the most awkward feeling, like my insides just go completely hollow after reading that. Weird, man.

OnTheWayOut

OUTLAW

I walked out the door and never went back..

No DF..No DA..No Fade..

Just Gone..

...................... ...OUTLAW

leavingwt

NRFG: I believe that you are strong enough to live your life without the cult or cult members. It's possible to shed the irrational fears and begin the hard work of rebuilding a life that belongs to YOU, not a publishing corporation in NY. ALL relationships end. ALL relationships end. Some at death, others before. This is how life works.

Once I realized that I was in a destructive cult, with each passing day that I remained inside, I felt as if a small part of the real me was dying. So, I ripped the band-aid off in one clean motion. It was the best thing that I ever did. I'm not the same person that I was 4 years ago. I look the same, but I'm now alive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8YKEwt3wO0

FatFreek 2005

I empathize with you and sympathize with you at the same time. No, I can't go back to 34 years ago and take a different route. I chose to DA at that time but my boys were stairsteps from 16 downward. That was the problem. I played the noble game, the one Watchtower prefers that dissenters play and that way they can wash their hands of you -- and cause those that love you to do the same.

I've thought since that I should have played it cool (like Nicalaou) for a few more years and perhaps buy some time to influence those I loved. Instead, by being on the outside, any influence I may have had died then and there.

Two of my sons remain on the inside along with their mother-nurtured hatred. Plus grandchildren I've never even met.

No, your road is not easy by any means, having to bite your tongue, not counting the enormous amount of time that you know is wasted at meetings and assemblies and putting on those frozen smiles.

Len

NomadSoul

I was born in and grew up in this cult and I left in my late teens. I'm 27 now and have had no contact with any JW's since then.With the exception of my brother and his family, and he's the only one in my family member that is still in. He doesn't shun me, but when I visit him there's this elephant in the room.

Sometimes with the other family members on occasions our upbringing comes back as jokes and memories.

So what I'm trying to say is, that in my situation, even till now this cult has some effect. I never thought about it, but I think it affected my social skills too.

leavingwt

Len makes some very good points. The fear of losing close friends and family is not an irrational fear. It's a very real possibility. None of us escape without scars. I can imagine personal circumstances in which I would not have had the courage to walk away and make a clean break.

There are fates worse than being a JW. There are fates worse than being an undercover apostate.

In my own journey, I reached the tipping point at which STAYING IN was causing me more pain than what I imagined being out would cause me. So, my decision was simple. Each person's circumstances are unique. There is no wrong or right way to exit. Additionally, some of us are not cut out to be martyrs. I had to put the oxygen mask on myself before I could think about helping others.

troubled mind

It makes me so sad to see the harsh dilemma so many here face . I remember being so afraid of what 'may' happen in response to my fade . At that time my sons and husband were all very active ....I was terrified as to how they would react . For me I just could not dangle along one more day pretending to be something I no longer was ....I tried to respect them without totally denying my own self . Thankfully it has all worked out .

I hope the same for you I really do . No one should have to waste one more moment cowtowing to anothers belief just to save themselves from the pain of unacceptance for having an alternate opinion .

It has taken about six yrs now and things were not as bad as I had imagined . My immmediate family all followed me out over a period of two yrs . My witness in laws have a limited but cordial relationship with us now . In fact they are visiting this week . We never discuss the fact that our family is no longer active JW's and that we are celebrating holidays ect... They have resolved to treat us as they do other 'worldly ' family . They chose to see us once a yr and limited phone calls . This past visit has been almost normal . There have been some casualties for some family relationships ,but over all it is working .

May you find a way acceptable to you in order to have a measure of peace . Best wishes to you Nicolaou

'BELIEVE IT OR LEAVE IT' - a long time faders dilemma.

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