If an outsider examined my life, he would have to conclude that "God & Jesus" are not important at all to me. However, he would also conclude that my values and culture are permeated with Christianity.
And not all of that is bad, Donny. There are some good things that have come out of Christianity, I think you might agree, but that doesn't mean that Christianity is truth.
and not in a bad way.
that's a large part of the stumbling block. The fear is real, but irrational.
It seems it was easier when I thought I had certainty. When I first took the step from agnostic to atheist, I would try to convince myself that there was a god out there. But my brain was past the point of no return.
Yes, NomadSoul, it was this way for me, too. I was what you might call a "praying agnostic" for probably three decades after breaking away from my book study, messed up but not entirely scarred by the Watchtower. I'd sometimes pray in thanks, sometimes in supplication, most times just to understand. The third type of prayer apparently worked.