New here - hello!

by sickandtired 62 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sickandtired
    sickandtired

    I can't believe I'm actually posting here. I've been lurking for a while and I've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation. I'm married to an elder (who is 110% JW) and I was for the most part raised in the "truth". My hubby is a born-in. We both have a lot of our family in. We are happily married and he truly is my best friend. We have kids and I just feel bad for them sometimes - being different, you know?

    I asked my husband if he ever had doubts that this is the truth. He said he didn't and that there were a lot of very intelligent people who believed in it (not really a good reason to stay in a religion, if you ask me) and that he'd never seen anything fishy that made him question it. I brought up the 607 B.C.E. argument and said I stumbled on it on the internet while doing research on the fall of Jerusalem to Babylon. He counseled me on avoiding apostate websites (didn't follow that counsel, obviously) and said we'd research it together. We looked at the WT CD library and he was okay with the explanation they offered of trusting the Bible chronology over secular. I wasn't totally convinced, but didn't tell him. I just let him believe that it allayed my fears.

    I am still really confused and I'm not sure what good it'll do posting here. I guess I just needed to get things off my chest a little. I feel like there is no one I can really talk to about my conflicting feelings. My congregation is for the most part good and I've never really seen anything that made me "stumble", I just gradually over time started to realize that I wasn't sure I believed it anymore. My husband obviously is still very much "in" and I hate that I can't talk to him openly about this. I know that he'll put up a wall and he'll refuse to look at anything that is negative towards the Society. Especially if it comes from "apostates".

    What really got me thinking objectively about my religion is the similarities with Mormons and how many Mormons seem equally as invested in their faith as JWs. I started really thinking about the beliefs that I was raised with and wondering if I believed that way because it really DID make sense or because it was what I was taught to believe was right.

    Don't get me wrong, I believe that a lot of what we learn is of benefit (re: family life and avoiding immorality) because I've seen time and again those who do whatever they want without regard for Bible principles get burned. I don't agree with retarded things (for lack of a better word) like a woman wearing a head covering (never understood that) or the harshness of punishment in the OT for some things.

    I read CoC by Ray Franz and really detected a sincerity about him. I believe what he wrote was true.

    I'm at a place right now where I'm not sure what to do. Some days I feel pretty good and I feel like I could continue on in this religion. Other days I feel like I'm suffocating. Please excuse me if I'm all over the place and not making a whole lot of sense. I hope there is someone hear that can identify with me. I don't think I've ever seen an elder's wife on here. I can't be the first, can I?

    Thanks for the chance to put my feelings out there!

  • Sapphy
    Sapphy

    Welcome SickandTired!

    I think the thing to do is not put yourself under any pressure - well don't put yourself under any more pressure than you've already got.

    If your husband is a non-questioning born in it will be difficult so concentrate on what you think and believe! It's an exciting adventure, discovering who you actually are, so take it at your own pace.

    Just have a read around & we're always here for support & when you need to vent.

  • Magwitch
    Magwitch

    Welcome sickandtired!

  • EmptyInside
    EmptyInside

    Welcome,although,we do not share similiar circumstances,I can relate to how you feel. Hang in there,and you will find a lot of support here.

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    Welcome!

    Never discuss doctrine with JWs. This will trigger their 'cult personality'. What is most effective is communicating with the 'authentic personality', using love and patience.

    If you have not read Steve Hassan's first book, 'Combatting Cult Mind Control', please do so, if at all possible. You'll learn about irrational fears and phobias that most cult members have. One of these is a real fear of 'apostate' literature. This fear is strong enough to trigger physiological responses in cult members: increased heart rate, sweaty palms, extreme anxiety, etc.

  • nicolaou
    nicolaou

    What a well written and thoughtful first post! Welcome to the board sickandtired, you made a whole lot of sense. I know it's difficult but try to stay positive. So many of us have been where you are and truly understand what you're going through.

    You have to do what's right for you of course. Take a deep breath, you're in for a hell of a ride - and we'll be right here to help you whenever you need us.

    Love Nic'

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Hello and welcome! Your story sounds very similar to mine, I was (and still am) happily married when I awoke three years ago. It was 607 that opened the floodgates for me.

    Discussing doctrine didn't do anything for my husband but thinking about losing the children of they were ever disfellowshipped did. It was Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron that helped him to open his mind, then Crisis of Conscience finished the job.

    Give it time and take things slowly.

  • skeeter1
    skeeter1

    I second LeavingWT and add not to rock your marraige until you have explored further your spiritual path. There are some people who left the Truth and later got their elder husbands to leave. But, there are couples who broke up and divorced. This is a high stakes game. Choose your battlefields carefully and wisely.

    To quote the Sound of Music, "God never closes a door, without opening a window." Glad you found us.

    Skeeter

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    Welcome sickandtired . . .

    Yes . . . there are plenty of ex-elders and ex-elders wives here who can be of immense help.

    I am still really confused and I'm not sure what good it'll do posting here.

    I can promise you it will do you a tremendous amount of good . . . you need support . . . one of JWN's great strengths.

    Take your time for now and get used to the place . . . all the good advice and support you need can be found here . . . including the wise approach with regard to family.

    All the best to you

  • straightshooter
    straightshooter

    Welcome. Thanks for sharing your experience. I feel you are right where there are some teachings that are of benefit and I feel are scripturally sound. But I have seen too many dear loved ones die who just knew they would see Paradise if they just hung on a few more months. The new generation explanation I feel is just awful. So it is hard knowing that the WTS is not 100% the truth.

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