I walked out of an Elder's Meeting

by AlmightyDog 65 Replies latest jw experiences

  • wheelwithinwheel

    Congrads Almighty - tearing up the letter and walking out - a totally awesome moment

    What's even more hilarious is their perception of your actions

    I just love it

    Take some time to decide your next move.

    Without getting into a long story, I can tell you that if you hold your ground and insist that you just "don't feel comfortable" talking about it (your views or situation), they don't seem to go further. In my case I even went as far as telling quite a few elders from different congregations I disagreed, and "had issues" with the society, but that I just "didn't feel comfortable" discussing them. I'm sure that there was debat on what to do, but nothing was done, time has gone by, and I disappeared. I recently went to a JW funeral dressed in sports jacket - no tie (just so there would be no illusions I was coming back). I was ignored by many in the congregation but actually well-treated by the long-time elders and Bethel visitors, who have no illusions about my state of mind (A), I'm sure.

    Perhaps in your case you feel more comfortable DAing. That's your decision. You know the drill

    All the best to you. Keep us posted.


  • its_me!

    AlmightyDog--- Very brave thing you did there. Very few would have the courage to make such a strong statement. Sad that the elders' minds were too dull to see the meaning of your actions. The family thing is hard. I am two years into the fade, and starting to wish I would have done the ripping the band-aid off quickly thing. But I don't think I had a good enough outside support system at the time. The family thing is hard, but I like what you said about showing your kids that they have another choice. I admire your strength and passion for the truth. (and by the truth, I do not mean the ORG!!!!)

    What you said to pnt1 was HILARIOUS! loved it!

  • Gorbatchov

    This reminds me of the story of my father, who was secretary. He told me that the elders at the local elder meetings were so divided, so they were swearing and cursing each other!

    Unbelievable, but true.

  • cantleave

    Almightydog, I fully undertsand where you are coming from. It was a nepotism, resulting in "covering over of sin" in the case of our CoBE, that woke me up to the fact that elders were not spirit directed. The incident led me to research and two years later my wife and I are both out and our kids are enjoying a normal life.

    You can do quite a lot to get your wife thinking, use the family worship night. Read Captives of a Concept, if you haven't already, the strategy in there using the proclaimers book is really good.

    I found the little "difficult questions for Jehovah's Witnesses" videos on U-tube (by Tim Gilgore - JWN's Tuesday) gave me some direction too. Little did I realise that my wife was already a little disillusioned, primarily due to the fact that I was an elder and she felt the the congregation expected too much of a father with a young family, and used her as a stick to beat me with.

    I will be happy for you to PM me if want.

  • punkofnice

    @jean-luc picard - Thanks. Life is short and I'm making the most of it.

    For me getting out 'cold turkey' was the best thing I could do. Craig of the YouTube 'Propagandatechniques' gave me some advice that I took and it was simply to run as fast as I could away from the WTB$.

  • Anne

    Almight Dog, I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. I have to agree with the others that you have the perfect excuse to resign as an elder "deleted". I'd take it and run with it

    I obviously don't know your wife, but I think I may know her type... Raised as a Witness to believe the most important thing is to marry a "spiritual brother". She has her version of the perfect JW life. As an elder's wife and elder's daughter she has a certain amount of status, akin to a woman who is married to a CEO in the real world. If you take away that status or identity and want to stay married, you need to replace it with something else, or else she will resent you for it. The people in the congregation will treat her differently if your not a member of their elite anymore. That may be a way to start her thinking. I think that if your still nominally a JW it will be easier to gradually get your family out and open her eyes, versus making you the enemy.

    If she's not a "deep thinker" JW, study won't have much impact. She sounds more like a "social" JW. My mom is a social JW, I don't think she really cares about doctrine. She's just in it because my dad, some of her children, and all her friends are there. Arguing doctrine would get me NOWHERE with her, because that's not what makes her tick.

    Not that your looking for advise... but if she has ANY interests outside of the JW's I'd start cultivating them. Get her to think outside of the JW world. If you can, figure out a way to have her make friends with people on the outside.

  • man in black
    man in black

    awesome story !

    As I was reading it, all of the bs that you had to deal with made me feel bad for you.

    But when you actually ripped the letter up,,,,,, that was great that you took a stand. It was like a breath of fresh air .

    Good luck to you in whatever decision you make

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    I also was the wife of a MS who DA'd himself out of the blue...he did not discuss his concerns with me (I knew something was not right with him a couple months before he left, but he wouldn't talk to me)

    So when he "ripped the bandaid" off- I was in shock, I was scared, I was hurt and angry, I couldn't hear his concerns then because I was so angry that he DA'd without discussing it with me

    He left and disappeared...left me with nothing but regret and lonliness

    it took 5 years of wasting away single with no scriptural grounds for remarriage to see the hypocracy of the elders and their "loving" counsel to me to finally have enough and fade away myself.

    Now I am with a very nice man who has never been a JW, but sometimes I wonder how it would have turned out if he had talked to me earlier....

    But you have to walk your own path AD, and for the first time in your life....you get to choose

    I wish you the best of luck


  • tec

    I don't have much to add to what others have said, concerning advice. But I just wanted to say, 'Good for you!' You took a stand, and in a very pointed manner.

    Actions DO speak louder than words, and anything you might have said would have diminished the impact of what you SAID by your actions.

    I pray you have strength for the times ahead of you.

    Peace to you,


  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Let me preface this by saying that I HATE THIS WIRELESS MOUSE! I had typed up a long and detailed about how Family Worship Night helped save my wife and daughter from the WT and just as I moved the mouse to the Submit button it back-paged and then when I came back to this page my entire post was GONE.

    Anyway, rant off.

    Cantleave makes a good point about using Family Worship Night to get yourself and your family on the same page. I did it with my wife and we were both able to leave the organization together. We stopped using publications and just read the Bible. Usually entire chapters without cherry picking and jumping around. John 14 or Romans 14 for example. When I'd ask what the verses mean, I'd first get the indoctrinated answers. For example, if we read John 14 I would ask, "So who does the Bible say answers our prayers?" They'd say, "Jehovah." And I'd have them read it again. The first time it took several re-reads for them to see that Jesus says whatever we ask, HE will do it. After a few weeks they start getting it: the Watchtower answer isn't always the Bible answer. From then on they were more and more willing to read and trust their own reading comprehension. Revelation 19:1 kind of blew my wife away, as did reading Revelation chapter 7 in context.

    Long story short, there are a lot of scriptures that just don't support Watchtower doctrine and even outright contradict it. Read those as part of a family study and slowly, patiently, get your family thinking for themselves.

    I don't know if it always works or how often it works. But I know it ended up working for me. After a few months I felt my wife was open minded enough to entertain the thought of a Watchtower scandal and so I introduced her to the pedophile cover ups and silentlambs. That was all she wrote. At that point I had to work to get her to attend a meeting now and then so that I could fade slowly. It turned out, we had to just quit cold turkey because she couldn't stand the meetings anymore, even though she had only known "the truth" for a few months and I had been studying outside the Borg for a couple years.

    Here's a pretty good starting point for scriptures to use in Family Worship Night. Aside from some trolls it's a pretty good thread.

Share this