I have been an avid reader on this site for a few years and have weighed in on a few topics and introduced a few more without introducing myself. For this I apologise. I now want to at least say something about myself.
The main reason for my reticence is that being a second generation born in but having been baptised in the 50s I will find it difficult to make an introduction without giving the game away.
I was a child baptism statistic, went through serious doubts but told myself to bury them and get on with it. I was a pioneer and an elder, appointed during the 70s serving for years before falling foul of the JC and getting disfellowshipped. I fought my way back having been genuinely chastened by my "sin" and the response to it; I think though that my behaviour was some form of subconscious rebellion forcing its way through in response to buried doubts.
I was once again appointed as an elder and tried hard to be a sympathetic ear rather than a martinet, a society man. To cut a long story short my doubts became more and more powerful and I have fallen foul of the "loving" judicial system several times but have managed to be reinstated simply for the sake of being with my family.
I don't think that I can speak openly of details of my life; there have been blood issue related deaths. There have been real tragedies as well as genuinely uplifting experience. If I told my story openly and frankly there would be knocks on the door in no time.
Most ordinary brothers have been really good people trying to follow a faith that they believe to be true. I believe that most have simply got too much time and life invested in this ostrich to consider seriously living without it.
The issues I trip on are many but include:
The multiple dates, I lived through the build up to 1975 and remember with disgust the society's lame WT article passing the blame on to us. What hypocrisy!
The changing stance on blood, I was one that believed that blood was forbidden. Period. Then gradually the stance was watered down until the doctrine is hardly recognisable. If you are going to make a stand and really believe in the resurrection at least have the courage of your convictions. Now I recognise the whole thing as being the whim of the self appointed gnomes of Brooklyn. Does God really expect us to sacrifice our sacred lives in this way? I weep for the many including family and friends who have been sacrificed on this alter.
The generation, I wish I had a dollar for every time I read that scripture to an older person telling them it was their generation that Jesus specifically talked about. Now we have this desperate fudge that is presented to us. They look us straight in the eye and dare us to question what they say. If we express what we really think we know what follows.
The ridiculous and desperate attempt to fight back the tide of knowledge and convincing theory on evolution is depressing. We now get a fudging of the time factor as previously firmly held facts unravel. The old "truth" is not openly retracted but simply stepped around with weasel words. The constant misquoting and use of dubious sources to bolster up a position is dishonest and beneath contempt.
I know that morally speaking my position is untenable, why am I still a member? It is the old story. I have a family who depend on me. They know broadly how I feel but they are woven into a "marry only in the Lord" family mesh as are we all. It works well doesn't it, this tight web held together by fear of shunning.
In the meantime I bide my time going through the motions and hoping for something, anything that brings all this to a head.
There is so much more to tell but for now, good luck to you all. ( I couldn't even say that in the KH).