Sex at 14?

by headisspinning 71 Replies latest jw friends

  • headisspinning

    Hello all...

    Some of you have been following our story from the beginning - and even those of you who haven't should be able to relate to my quandary...

    Last week my 14 year old son told me he no longer wants to be a JW. We laboured over telling his JW dad all week. Well, on Friday night he finally came clean.
    But in a bizarre and unexpected twist, after having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time - in his father's home that very afternoon. (They have been dating for three weeks!)

    We are all in total shock and never saw this coming.
    So on the one hand, we're dealing with him telling his dad he doesn't want to be a witness... but now we are dealing with this whole sex thing.

    And quite honestly... we were not expecting this and are ill equipped to deal with it.

    If you thought my head was spinning before, think about his unique Mother's Day gift: finding out your 14 year old 'baby' is sexually active.

    So... any thoughts on how to deal with this? So far, I've been playing it cool.
    There has been talk he might move in here but what can I do? I mean, I'm not willing to allow for a free for all.

    Religion or not, this is happening way too fast - but I have no real idea of how to deal with this.

    Thoughts? Suggestions? Ideas?

    Aye yi yi!

    PS. This is the boy who was made a publisher about a month ago as well!

  • Satanus

    First things first: buy him some condoms. After that, well, i'm not a father, so it's out of my depth. I will say though, that playing it cool is very smart.


  • headisspinning

    Well, he has condoms, he assured me. So I just told him that i need time to think and in the meantime to USE them.

    Besides that I'm just trying not to let my emotions rule!

  • Iamallcool

    you might want to ask Dr. Phil or any famous Dr.

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    I remember that feeling four years ago when my 14 year old daughter revealed this to me. I wanted to cry (and did). She was far too young to be doing that. Not only that, but as an adult you just know that there is nothing good about it. It is not respecting yourself or anyone else.

    I don't have any good advice to give you (wish I did), as my daughter is still sexually active and lives with her boyfriend.

    Just wanted to share that I understand how you feel.

  • SixofNine

    Normally I would say "you gotta share that with his father, it's only right".... but since his father is a witness, and therefor will over-react in a seriously negative way for your son's well being, I think this situation differs from the norm. Tread carefully. Think about making a pact with your son that will allow you plausible deniability.

    And btw, for a girl in the USA, the average age to first have sex is 14.9 years. So the sex part actually is pretty much the norm, even if it may not be ideal.

  • Iconoclast

    14 is too young, yes, but as I reflect back, I was only 15 when I started. I had to keep that all in mind when my stepson told us that he was sexually active. At first, my husband was really angry and hurt that he would act with impulse like he did, but after I told him to think about what he was doing when he was that young, the anger in the situation softened and we were then able to go through the steps of the next course of action. That was to make absolutely sure that he realized that if he got a girl pregnant, he would be wholey responsible for that child and that we were not going to offer financial aid to him, nor were we going to bail him out. He would pay child support from his own child support and he would get a job on the weekends to pay for pampers and daycare for the mother so she could also finish school. We bought him a box of condoms and gave him the address and phone number to the nearest Planned Parenthood in his area, where he could get condoms for free.

    And, we were very thankful that he trusted us enough to tell us that he was sexually active. It means you have a very strong relationship with you child. Don't freak out. That's the worst thing you could do. They will think twice about coming to you again.

  • Ding

    Someone needs to talk to him about the risks.

    Odds are all he's been told is "don't" without any explanation as to why.

    That said, it's just an assumption on my part as to what he does and doesn't understand.

    Each person is different.

    Treat your son as an individual and have a heart to heart talk with him -- either you or your husband or both, whatever you think will work best with him.

  • thetrueone

    14 is pretty young to be having sex in a religious family or not .

    The emotional significance between both partners takes a bit of maturity, respect and responsibility.

    Things not of great abundance usually at that age group.

  • prophecor

    Once the train leaves the station, it's almost impossible to control w/o derailing. At the age he is, nothing and no line of reasoning will stop a hormone fueled teenager from not wanting to test the waters. I've suffered thru 3 teens and they weren't even mine, biologically. The 2 girls were even more of a nightmare than the last boy was. I know, also from my own days as a youth, the issue regarding sex just threw me into problems without end. Today's society, overwhelmed with sexual images, music, movies, videos, on and on leave not a lot of wiggle room for teens to navigate these choppy waters without a steady, brutally firm male hand to walk them thru life's dillemas and debacles.

    I hate to sound glum but as the world sinks deeper and deeper into the sexualised energy that so encompasses everything, it's like being sucked into a vortex. I'm unaware of your entire history, but I will look over your life here and hope I can have something better to give you. In the meantime please know that I truly recognise your pain. I'm still recovering from that same energy. From outside as well as from within.


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