I feel so alone here...

by Pams girl 67 Replies latest jw friends

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    Thanks to all who helped me escape my imminemt baptism after 6 years of study. It was a close call.

    Ive clearly been labelled spirituallly weak, as nobody has called here to say hi or anything and its been 2 monthes now....their divine justice for me I guess. I did see my study teacher a while back when she dropped off my memorial invite, and that was after a chat, nothing to do with the WBTS...seemed like it was an afterthought on her part.

    They all know about my problems with agoraphobia and panic. I was promised tapes from the hall, to keep me spiritually up to date........nowt. Nada, bugger all.

    I am ready to tell my "teacher" thats it for me next time she calls, I so despearately want it over with, wish she would hurry up.....

    They already successfully isolated me from my many good friends "wordly"...and some family. Now I feel like a boat bobbing around cast at sea....

    Ive lost all I had, and for what? Im worse off and more lonely than ever, I dont know what to do....

    How can I separate these feelings of anxiety and lonleyness without concentrating on the JW!?

    I want to be pro-active, its hard. I believe all this isolation is now their fault, Ive lost all the good friends I ever had, and its too much water under the bridge to say sorry and appologise, and I dont know where most of them are now.....

    Im so lonely.

    Im so upset today. I wish I was closer to some of you. I wish I could meet just one person and share.

    "Living in a shack in a one horse town, trying to get to heaven fore the sun goes down.........." "The Cult" "Lil' Devil"

    Im sorry for being so mony, Im not half as thick skinned as you all here, please dont hold it against me.

    Paula x

  • jean-luc picard
    jean-luc picard

    Hi Pams girl.

    Whilst I dont know your personal circumstances I would not agree that

    and its too much water under the bridge to say sorry and appologise, and I dont know where most of them are now.....

    Why not try and get in touch with one of them and see how it goes? My guess is that they would be delighted to hear from you. Anyway, what have you got to lose?

    If it has been a long time since you were friends, it could be , that you have less in common. But see it as a stepping stone to where you are going next.

    Have you tried facebook, to catch up with them? Its popularity proves that people love finding old lost friends.

    Good luck.

  • Mat

    Hi PG, sorry to hear you lost so much when you left them. It would have been a lot harder if you'd actually joined. That's some consolation. It's true they chew you up then spit you out. Such is the nature of a cult.

    Don't be sorry about having a moan. I'm sure we all understand.

  • wasblind

    Hello there ((((((( Paula)))))))

    here's a big ole hug from Wuz, I too had isolated loved ones

    and friends, not completely though, and when I told them of the mistake I made

    In studying with the JW's, they were sympathetic and glad

    that I got out of that dreadful situation, and they are glad

    of the things I told them so they can be better prepared

    at their own door. When they stop by here now I have

    the blinds open, TV runnin' , but I don't answer the door

    they know I'm just a waste of time for them now. and all

    I'm good for is a magazine placement stuck in the door

    So much for kickin' the dust off and movin' on to new territory

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Awwww... ((((((PG)))))))

    I wish I lived closer to you so we could meet for a coffee and a good ole chin wag.

    I agree with JLP about trying to find your old friends. Are you on facebook? I've found that a great way to find old friends and even relatives I've never met!

    Get involved in things. Use the spare time you have now to persue something you enjoy - a hobby, a local college class, or volunteering. I recommend volunteering as a way to meet new people. And if anything, you may meet ppl who have it much worse than you, and it helps occupy your mind and stop being preoccupied with your own troubles.

    Hang in there hun!

  • SirNose586
    They already successfully isolated me from my many good friends "wordly"...and some family. Now I feel like a boat bobbing around cast at sea....
    Ive lost all I had, and for what? Im worse off and more lonely than ever, I dont know what to do....

    At my worst point in dub indoctrination, I stopped answering my friends' phone calls. I felt it was the only way to be a better dub. But when my eyes were opened, I knew I had to come back and apologize for being a jerk. Surprisingly, it worked, and we've been back on greater terms since then.

    The bottom line is that if they're really good friends, they may be able to forgive you.

    If you were near San Diego, I wouldn't mind hanging out, but you'd probably feel weird for hanging out with someone younger than yourself.

  • clarity

    Paula ...

    No doubt about it, this is a tough situation. Putting a voice(moaning) to the pain is a good thing!

    Did your panic and agoraphobia start just after your 'studies' began by any chance?

    Please don't wait for any attention or affection to come from any jw .... it is so conditional anyway.

    Just start, one step at a time ... get involved in something - anything to occupy your mind and body.

    Plant some seeds and grow something. Walk more if you can. Get a puppy. Join anything fun ...volunteering, computer club, cooking lessons, visit a farmers market regularly for your veggies, introduce yourself & get peoples names, spontaneously help someone, smile at everybody.....even though inside you're crying. You won't be forever.

    I felt pretty bad yesterday out on a shopping trip. Seemed like everybody was there with their sister and having fun .... well mine doesn't talk to me anymore ....ouch. Cried all the way home.

    So with you in spirit Paula, chin up ...


  • transhuman68

    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh Pams girl! If I was less than 20 hours flying time away I would drop in and visit you.

    Seriously, it is easy to lose friends along the way. Some get married, some go on the drugs or booze, and people do change and no longer remain friends. I think it is just a part of life.

    Also, re: your comment on another thread, I recommend getting some different Bibles to read- maybe the Good News colour reference Bible or a Catholic Bible with lots of footnotes. They are very interesting to read, and much more self-explanatory than the NWT.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Pam's Girl, you poor thing. (Sincerely, not sarcastically)

    Please do the following:

    1. Tell any old friends or family that you sort of pushed away because of the Witnesses that you are truly sorry that YOU caused this rift in your relationship. Take full blame, regardless of the facts. Do it in a nice "Hallmark" card as that is getting rarer and rarer these days. Tell them how these JW's caused you to look at things the wrong way. In other words, take the blame and then explain a bit of the cult. Mail to any old address you had (home or work) or to their family members and hope it gets forwarded.

    2. Develop new friends.

    It takes time, in both cases. Even if you don't gain back all the old friends, you will have left on a better relationship. Don't rush either of these, as panic could set in. Just know that you have done something. As to making new friends, consider meeting with ex-JW's, join a dance lesson group or a book club or whatever interests you. For shy people, join something where you might be able to listen and not talk so much- let the people pull you out of your shell.

    Trying to contact old friends and trying to meet ex-JW's allows you to get some stuff off your chest about your feelings. Even if they never receive your card, you will have participated in saying something to them that you wanted to say. It's better than not saying it. If the card gets returned to you, hold onto it and maybe one day you can hand it to them. "Water under the bridge" means you can let it go, it doesn't mean anyone should hold a grudge.

    Trying to meet new people is for your new self after you manage to do that.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hi Paula ....I think we're both in the uk arent we? If I can help at all I will do my best...its not pleasant that we get isolated by the cult and then find ourselves alone if we leave it. I will PM you my personal email addy for easier contact for a start, ok? Lets hope things start to pick up for you soon. Sending hugs.

    Loz x

    Edited to say PM now sent x

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