PSacramento: You are not alone, if I didn't go I would have received the same treatment from my partially brainwash parents + I live under their roof which would make it somewhat more annoying, "oh but every one is free to choose their religion" say one thing and do another, dont take it to heart, if you look at it from another angle your mother is desperately trying to save you, I would be more concerned if they were JW's but just didn't care what you did that was not in accordance to jw doctrine.
This Years Memeorial and MY heartbreak
by PSacramento 48 Replies latest jw friends
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jookbeard
terrible to have to go through this PS but it sounds like you have a great wife and kids standing firm with you, your strength is commendable. The Dubs only know how to be abusive and hurt, they wouldn't know the meaning of fruitages of the spirit or Christ Like qualities if they bit them on the leg.
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PSacramento
Thanks again guys, your support means a great deal.
I email my older sister yesterday and called her last night but she wasn't "available" nor did she reply to my email as of yet, but I did speak with my BIL ( we get along alright and he is not a baptized JW, yet).
This morning my Mom called and aplogised for how she behaved and what she said, she said she was under a lot of stress and notices that she is either on the verge of crying or getting angry lately, I told her that I loved her and that I know that she didn't mean what she said and that it wasn't her talking.
We spoke some more and then I had to go and told her that I loved her, as I always do before I hang up.
I am sure this situation will happen again, as it always does, but such is the life of people that have JW's in their lives and I am so appreciative of ALL of you here, you are so understanding and supportive :)
God bless you all.
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watersprout
This morning my Mom called and aplogised for how she behaved and what she said, she said she was under a lot of stress and notices that she is either on the verge of crying or getting angry lately,
The borg are tearing your mom apart, she is in turmoil! It's awful that a group of men can cause someone's emotions to fly about everywhere!
You and your family are in my prayers.
Peace
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journey-on
The next time she starts spitting and fuming at you tell her that she sounds "demonized" and ask her if her attitude is one that Christ would display. Maybe record her rants and play them back for her and remind her that the fruitages of the spirit are love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, and self-control. Reassure her that even though she wants to control your life and talks to you worse than a dog that you love her even though she is the one inflicting pain and disharmony on the family.
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Nickolas
Hey there, Paul. You know where I'm at so it will be no surprise to you that my feedback will not be on a scriptural basis. Lots of scriptural experts on this board to draw from, just not me.
Completely different dynamic but my mother was determined to run my life, too. I loved her dearly but she was manipulative and controlling. I fled from her when I was 19, moved a thousand miles away to attend university and then for the rest of her life lived at a distance. I visited my parents frequently, often with my own family in tow, and sometimes during my visits she would ask when I was going to "move home", in between times when she tried to interfere with my life. (Some of those times were when she went ballistic over either my involvement or my wife's involvement in the WTBTS. She was right those times but all the other crap that went down made me stubborn and defiant and I said some things to her I now regret.) My dad asked once if I'd ever move back and I told him frankly that I would like to but for my mother's meddling. He just nodded. I moved back to my home town the year after she died. I wish it wasn't that way but in the end she and I succeeded in diminishing our relationship and took away years and years of being with her, my father and my sibs (all of whom complained about her meddling but who, unlike me, put up with it and stuck around).
Some of what drives your mother is the Watchtower but most of it is because she is your mother. She gave birth to you, changed your diapers, fed you, bathed you, dressed you, comforted you, protected you and laid the foundation for the person you became. She feels a bond with you that is as deep as life itself. She will give you credit for some things but deep down she will believe she knows best what you need in life and that will never change. You will always be her child in her mind and heart.
In hindsight and with the benefit of almost six decades of experience and maturity I would do things differently, and I am certain it would have worked out if only because I had demonstrated my resolve. I would seek a true detente. I would offer to become a greater presense in her life on one condition, and that is if she would accept that I am who I am and the only result that would accrue from her attempts to alter that reality is distance between us, which neither of us wanted. I could be mistaken but I perceive that your challenge is much the same. Putting up with a 40 minute rant is a good indication of the love and respect you have for your mother but is not a good indication of your resolve to live your own life. Whether you and your mother know it or not, the stakes are high for both of you.
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PSacramento
Hi Nic, you make some valid points.
There is much to consider there.
Ever since she became a JW she has becoem quite different at times, she loves the social environment of it and truly believes that it IS God's organization, she buys it hook, line and sinker and drew in My Dad and Older sister.
We have always been very close and she was the one that gave me my bible study and I KNOW that it is eating away at her that I am n ot in it because, deep down, she truly believed that I would be part of it before anyone else.
My mom doesn't know me very well, we may have been very close, close than My Dad and I, but my dad knows me better than my Mom.
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trevor
The thing is, your mom is worried about you dying at Armageddon. If you were and atheist, that would be bad enough. But as a Christian you have found an alternative faith. She can’t offer you hope, because you already have your own hope. So her fear and sense of frustration manifests as anger and criticism.
That is how she shows her love, in the hope that her opposition to your decision to not be a JW will change your mind. She loves you and is afraid of losing you.
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PSacramento
Oh I agree Trevor, it is a case of the ends ( my salvation) justify the means ( anger, spite, and an all encompasing compassion that makes one feel like one is wiping ones ass with a cheese shredder).