Just had my first JW visit in almost 13 years. . . weirder than I could have thought. (page 2)

sabastious

That is a good point. Although JWs are supposed to be family, that is only if you agree and follow 100%. As soon as you have doubts or issues, (and most do) it has to be hidden, which must be a major cause of stress.

My father finally left after a couple of decades. When I asked him why he left last time we talked about it he merely said "I couldn't do it anymore." It was such a simple response with so much behind it. I read it as he couldn't live a lie any longer so he left.

That stress you are referring to, JWFacts, is the reason why I didn't fade, but instead was open about my questions in regard to my family. They will never understand it, but I told them because I love them and didn't want to lie to them.

-Sab

SlipnSlide

I have had that happen to me twice and I was surprised that I was not alone. There are more dubs living double lives than most people think.

Ilovebirthdays

I'm still tense just thinking about it. I'm a few weeks away from having been gone 13 years, and just her energy that she was putting out brought back all the stress and anxiety and all that came from being a JW. It was exhausting enough for 25 years, but how tired she must be living it an additional 13? She said the reason she was out today was because she didn't want to be home with her husband and she was looking for an escape. That made me cry. I remember those days.

I got her number, and had her take mine. I figure she has to be Aux. Pioneering this month. I thought maybe I'd call her at the end of the month, and if she's already not agreeing with all the rules, maybe she'll be one of those that will count their time for anything, and she'll look at it as an easy way of getting hours? I don't even want to 'un-convert' her. I really just want to give her a place to vent if she needs to. I do think she has the slightest clue that JW's just go through the motions of having emotion, and show her that just because I'm now 'worldly' doesn't mean I'm heartless and evil.

sabastious

I don't even want to 'un-convert' her. I really just want to give her a place to vent if she needs to. I do think she has the slightest clue that JW's just go through the motions of having emotion, and show her that just because I'm now 'worldly' doesn't mean I'm heartless and evil.

Yes, do not try to unconvert her. Just be there for her, if she decides to persue you, and show her that you don't have to be a Witness to be a good and caring person. That is worth so much more than all the doctrinal refutes and scandal exposes combined, imo. We are human out here, just as much as them.

-Sab

jwfacts

Just don't get your hopes up too high. It is very hard for someone in those circumstances to leave, and the cognitive dissonance may kick in and tell her to keep away from you. Don't take it personally if that happens.

TotallyADD

Good job Ilovebirthdays. That poor soul needed someone who would listen to her. She knew the JW friends would not understand. They will either blame her or tell her to wait on Jehovah. The big problem is she has a husband who is a closet alcoholic. It is hard to get help for a elder who is a alcoholic. All they have to say is I like to have a drink everyday or I don't get drunk. Even if he has only one drink a day because he feel he needs it he is a alcoholic. Your friend has a very large problem. This could be your opportunity to help her if she is willing. Look up a 12 step program and learn what she may be able to do to help her husband. When and if she comes to you again feel her out on how she feels about that matter then in a non threatening way maybe you could give her some imformation on alcoholicism. I hope I am not being to bold with you on this matter. I just see a door opening up for you to help a friend. What you did as a sounding board for her was great. Hopefully she will remember your kindness you showed to her. Best of luck to you. Totally ADD

wasblind

" I don't even want to 'un-convert' her. I really just want to give her a place to vent if she needs to."

true unconditional love

Ilovebirthdays

Oh, no. I don't hold out any hopes getting anyone out. I'm a pessimist by nature, and most of the time I don't really want to get the JW's in my family out, because I don't think they'd be able to cope without the religion. I definitely don't take anything personally that a JW does, I just blame the religion, not the person.

I do, however, want to do something about getting her out of her current situation, but I totally agree that I need to carefully put out feelers and not do much more than be here for her.

Reopened Mind

Ilovebirthdays,

You were so there for your friend. Your old friend needed a friend in the worst way, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. You showed her something she cannot get from her WT "friends"---Unconditional love. Just being there for her was the best thing you could do for her. I'm glad you exchanged phone numbers so she can contact you again. Trust me, she will need you to keep listening.

GOOD LUCK and please post an update when you hear from her again.

Reopened Mind

satinka

Wow, Ilovebirthdays...amazing story. Sounds like she needs a friend and you might just be one who would be there for her.

Sounds like she has had a hard life enabling her alcoholic husband/elder to look good.

Perhaps one day she will be ready to leave the JWs... and maybe even leave her marriage!

I hope she gets some professional help because its not an easy road to travel.

satinka

Just had my first JW visit in almost 13 years. . . weirder than I could have thought.

Share this