I ended up in the back room of the KH today

Nobleheart

Our public talk and WT study is on Saturdays. I was informed by an elder that I shouldn't leave right away after the meeting.

Immediately I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. But not as bad as I would have felt about it months ago.

So the meeting was over. I had to wait for an elder meeting to conclude. Then this elder comes out, takes another one (elder, PO) and they lead me to the back room.

Our KH back room is quite small. Maybe 7 by 7 feet (no kidding). It was really claustrophobic, with the 2 guys facing me.

They started off by simply asking me where I was. To which I replied "I'm right here."

The whole issue was me never being seen in service meetings. They mentioned this could raise doubts?, as I'm nominally still a reg. pioneer. It has been my small way of getting back at the Society for misleading me all these years. So yeah, I've cheated big time on the service reports since I realized the Watchtower is a fraud. I simply can't bring myself to go out, spreading lies.

They suggested how I could improve my attendance at these meetings, I shouldn't isolate myself but work together with the cong. And they asked a number of times if everything was okay, if there was any problem.

I said everything was okay :-( and I'm not proud of that.

After a brief prayer, I left right away. But now I really feel like I should have told them I no longer believe JW are God's organization. I intend to DA, but I've kept up appearances simply on the hope that family members wake up. I now realize some might always choose to believe the WT is right no matter what evidence I provide them with.

It's funny how some things that JW elders or others think as encouraging or refreshing (like back room interrogations or shepherding calls) tend to simply drive me further away. I know I don't want to subject myself to any further interrogations like that.

I'm grateful to this forum for everything I've learned and the opportunity to express my frustration.

Thanks everyone!

Snoozy

You'll probably speak up when you're ready..My first thought was 'Big Brother is watching you" but they just seem concerned for now...hopefully things won't turn ugly for you.

Research too is very important, you have to be sure in your heart/mind that they are false before you can speak out..

The Kingdom halls seems so different now then when I was going. We didn't have any back rooms, just a storage area and a main room , a entrance Hall where we also had the literature counter..(which any brother could be working) and two bathrooms. That was it. Now I hear some even have a basement and a crying room?

All they things they spoke against when I was going..

Then it was keep the congregations small and the buildings attractive and well maintained but simple. With windows.. Lots of them!

Hugs, Snoozy

ps..Did the Elder ask you nicely to Please stay after the meeting or tell you in a Parental way that "you shouldn't leave right after the meeting?"..

Nobleheart

Thanks Snoozy!

I've done my research and I'm completely out mentally. I've simply kept up the routine for the sake of family.

The elder actually asked me to stay after the meeting in a "firm but loving way".

It was actually funny after the elder meeting both elders were turning around looking for me, while I was staying right there. They probably thought I'd have left...wonder what would happen i'd done that.

jam

I know some will not agree with me, but I think you should

stay as long as you can stomach it. Think of the possibilities.

Undercover apostate , I know it,s hard when you learn the

truth about the truth, sitting there and listen to those lies. We

have A few here that are doing just that. (undercover) If you

can help just one out of that cult, that would be worth the

effort. But you would have to be very careful undercover.

nugget

Whatever happens they have clocked your lack of enthusiasm and non conformance and they will be looking for signs of improvement. If you are struggling then it may be time to step away. I wouldn't DA yourself it is their rules and their game why make life so easy for them.

Murray Smith

Your probably in the worst place of all in your "journey" Nobleheart . . . it just sucks don't it.

Depending on your personal circumstances (family ties etc), the concensus here would probably be to begin the fading process. This will precipitate more than one repeat of your recent experience.

If you want to initiate a rapid fade . . . then fein a mental illness (no I'm not kidding) . . . make it known you are suffering from depression and you will soon be left to your own devices and eventually forgotten . . . apologies to fellow genuine sufferers.

Nobleheart

@ jam - That's too hard for me as I will again refuse to go in service. I'll have to hear the announcement that i'm no longer a pioneer.

@nugget - Stepping away isn't so easy for a reg. pioneer here. Anything is better than having to endure shepherding calls, endless calls from inquiring JWs, announcement at the hall, ensuing gossip and prejudice. It'd be too emotionally draining. A DA letter is in a sense like the guillotine - a fast and clean cut.

Nobleheart

@ Murray Smith

lol. Thanks for your suggestions. although it's not exactly feasible. People know I study and work so I can't feign an illness. I'd have to do a lot of explaining. Which would ultimately make me reveal everything. Our cong. is truly hardcore and people have good aposta-radars.

cofty

I have to agree that a clean break DA letter is easiest way out emotionally if moving away and fading is not possible.

I sympathise with your inability to go out on the "ministry". I remember my very last time out on the doors I was working with the wife of another elder and I told her wasn't feeling so good and would she mind if I just kept quiet. I had absolutely nothing to say to anybody, the lies would have stuck in my throat.

jam

Nobleheart; I feel you will be one of those rare individual

that will walk and never look back.

I ended up in the back room of the KH today

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