Wanted to get reinstated... Almost ready to give up

by headisspinning 92 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Slow down there. Nobody here is saying things to judge you. Jookbeard and others point things out to you to help you see how the people who do judge you are doing it. We don't know your personal circumstances nor those of this former cong. coordinator. But yes, in the view of JW's, it is a terrible scandal.

  And nobody deserves to be disfellowshipped.

  ...we just knew we had to be together ...

  But they, whether they know of such statements or not, go with that. They view every last frigging thing as a scheme. They might even view your moving away from an abuse situation (physical and/or verbal) as part of a scheme. They certainly look at that part as "something wrong with the wife." That's what JW's do. They judge heavily, especially toward wives that leave the husband and toward men that were elders. Getting pregnant just fuels their idea that this was all a scheme, too.

  I won't address your current husband's situation (he isn't the person I am talking to), but lighten up on yourself. You were already out of your marriage and didn't do this to your ex-husband. You didn't choose to hurt your current husband's ex-wife. You deserve happiness and we understand the power of that religion to keep you from it.

  Stick around and learn something. Strength to you.
• 

  Guest with Questions

  jookbear: Later this evening I will try to read the posts. I feel that I jumped in without knowing the whole story. This just upsets me so much. We don't need to ask men for forgiveness of our sins. Even though I have never been a witness I realize that it's not easy for someone in.
• 

  looloo

  "those of you without sin cast the first stone " its a shame those who claim to "christ like " are not more like him ! true christians indeed ! jesus never told the adulteress to write a letter to a lot of "imperfect " men sit at the back of a kingdom hall for months or in your case probably years being ignored !
• 

  headisspinning

  To Paula...

  I've gone through terrible depression and anxiety too and honestly, it was always treated/viewed as a spiritual problem That is just so unfair and ignorant! Telling someone to go to the meetings when they can't get out of bed is ridiculous. Telling someone to go door-to-door to tell others how they can live forever when you're suicidal and just want to die... how can that even be suggested? I've often said that I wished I had something VISIBLE wrong with me because nobody would suggest a spiritual solution for that, you know?

  To LooLoo...

  So you've seen the hypocrisy too, hey? Before I was disfellowshipped, it was discovered that my brother-in-law (who was an MS) had a serious porn addiction. It was so bad that he was actually performing live online. It was a terrible time for my sister and I was there for her every step of the way. Her husband was removed as an MS and had a judicial committee and was put on private reproof. They got through it and somehow the lid was kept on the story. His father is an elder in the congregation and they are very tight lipped. The point is, nobody found out what happened so it's just their dirty little secret. And yet, when I committed my sin, my sister and her husband have been so judgmental and damning. They have been so hardcore in their shunning of me and won't even see the baby. How does that work? Just because nobody knows about his crimes, he can carry on like nothing is wrong and look down on me? It makes me sick.
• 

  jgnat

  headisspinning - My husband reinstated after three additional book studies and a switch of congregations. It took a couple years. He attends a kinder congregation out of territory. I'm not a witness so from my point of view it was a huge amount of wasted effort....for what? He still worries about approval.

  I'm not sure reinstatement is what your family needs.

  For you, your sense if what is truth and what is bullshit is awakening. Getting reinstated won't help with this process except for getting a worm's eye view of the ugly underside of the society. Wouldn't you rather be studying what is pure and good?

  For your husband, attending the meetings is killing him inside. The anxiety attacks are an outward expression of great inner turmoil. He needs out!

  For your teenage boys, they need to learn to be independent thinkers before they commit to the waters of baptism.

  I'm guessing what you loved about the society was stability, community, and a sense of order. You had a well-ordered path for yourself and your children. I'm gently suggesting you can find that in other places, if you can overcome past prejudices about the "world".

  Check in to family friendly community events in your neighbourhood. If you can afford it, how about a family holiday where you can spend time exploring your personal interests and values, away from society influence?

  Finding your own path may be more uncertain, but I guarantee the rewards are worth it.
• 

  jookbeard

  Jgnat is correct not only do the elders admit the whole process of RI'ment could take years, you will also be expected with a "spiritually strong person" to sit down with you to have personal Bible study using the WTS publications, during all this time including full meeting attendance as well, could you go through all the "teaching you to suck eggs" for an untold amount of years? you'd be torturing yourself and family.
• 

  headisspinning

  The long version of our story is here (for anyone who might be interested): http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/child-abuse/202861/1/High-Profile-Case-Seeking-Reinstatement

  To OnTheWayOut:

  Sorry if I came across as defensive, I wasn't feeling judged. I just wanted to explain a little more is all.

  For those concerned about our boys... We actually have five kids in total but the older four are with their JW parents (our exes). My present husband's ex wife basically blackmailed him into giving her full custody of the kids (along with everything else). She had her lawyer draw up the divorce agreement and told him he would not get a divorce unless he signed it exactly as is. As you all know, in order for the divorce to be viewed as scriptural, it had to be the innocent mate who filed for divorce. We had a baby on the way and wanted to get reinstated as soon as possible and thought this was the only way. Since then, she has manipulated the kids and the situation to the point where my husband is only allowed to call his children once per week. He bought them both cell phone with long distance plans (and pays for the plans) but their mother took the phones away so he has no way of contacting them without her supervision. He flew home to see the kids over the weekend and his daughter who is 10 wouldn't even see him.

  For me the situation is better. My kids live with their father but they are only about 15 minutes away. On paper we have joint custody but the religion is used to dictate the living situation. My ex husband hardly works and lives off the child support that I pay for the kids. I have begged the kids to go back to our previous arrangement of living here 50% of the time but again, their father manipulates their emotions (or in his words 'assists them in making an informed decision'). I don't want to upset them, so although I tell them every time I see them that I miss them terribly and want them to come home, I don't want to put them in a situation where they are in a tug-of-war between me and my ex.

  My kids know that whether they want to be JWs or not is up to them... at least as far as I'm concerned. I have always raised them that way. I want them to decide for themselves and I will respect whatever decision they make. That has always been the way from the beginning.
• 

  JamesThomas

  I would say to anyone who wants to sincerely do anything -- never give up.
• 

  looloo

  and i would say please carry on checking out all the info on here and read crisis of conciense amongst other books like stolen innocence by elissa wall you will see the similarities in her beliefs and your own and being a prisoner to those beliefs ! you would not even want to go back then ! problem solved ! the only way is up ! thinking of you even though i dont know you (you remind me of the old me !) love loo loo xxx
• 

  JustHuman14

  I have seen your story. Have in mind we are not your Judges ok. We are only expressing how do we feel and give our 5c for the issue that you are dealing with. At the end of the day you are the one who will decide what to do.

  I have personal expierience (I'm disfellowshiped for more than 6 years)I know how the system works within the WT. I have pass through all their "ranking possitions".

  I know that the "elders" of the WT did a very fast reinstatement of a person that got involved with a wordly person. The wordly person tried to "awake the person up", by showing "apostate websites"and the book by Ray Franz, Crisis of Conscious. Since the person was "born in the truth" started to feel shaken, due to the fact that he only got disfellowshiped of having an affair(without having sexual relations!!!)with a wordly person and never questioned the "truth'. The "wordly"person got the JW in contact with "apostates", and the "elders" of the WT found this out. So with fast moves they reinstate the JW, since they didn't wanted to lose completely the person. The total time, only six months.

  The JW went back due to "friends" and relatives, since the bond was stronger from the love of the "wordly person'.

  Now regarding your situation, I will tell you few things from my personal expierience: I was born in the WT, son of an "Elder". I have been through major doctrinal changes of the WT, including the 1975 fiasco, the generation that will not pass", the "light of the generation in 1994". I served blindly WT, as a regular pioneer and then elder. At the end of the day WT brought me pain. My family is broken due to the WT and I lost contact with all my friends and relatives. I quit a promising career as a musician due to the fact that the "end was near". It was back in the 80's then and Armageddon was just around the corner. When I was disfellowshiped(having my own crisis of conscious)my marriage was ended up. I could have save it, if I would have gone back to the WT World and pretend...But I said, NO...I will NEVER go back to that horrible cult. I'm FREE, I'm ME.

  I will not give my freedom to any one, and specially to a man made organization made in U.S.A. You have kids and so do I. When I see them I speak to them why I left WT, and the reason that we broke up with mum is WT's policy of shunning. I teach them to have their own FREE WILL AND THOUGHT and LOOK FOR ANSWERS.

  I had "friends" in the WT. All of them are gone. They will speak to me only if I'm back in the WT. Their love is with TERMS AND CONDITIONS, while on the other hand Jesus is showing UNCONDITIONAL LOVE...You have the opportunity to break free completely from that evil cult. You can find REAL friends, that they truly love you. You can read any book you like, question everything, search everything. Freedom is the ultimate gift and done give that to anyone. IT BELONGS TO YOU...