Need help with a shepherding call!

by brotherdan 55 Replies latest jw friends

  • brotherdan

    I hope to go to one of your meetups someday, Gayle! Thanks for the advice.

  • Chalam

    Mark 13:9-13 (New Century Version)

    9 "You must be careful. People will arrest you and take you to court and beat you in their synagogues. You will be forced to stand before kings and governors, to tell them about me. This will happen to you because you follow me. 10 But before these things happen, the Good News must be told to all people. 11 When you are arrested and judged, don't worry ahead of time about what you should say. Say whatever is given you to say at that time, because it will not really be you speaking; it will be the Holy Spirit.

    12 "Brothers will give their own brothers to be killed, and fathers will give their own children to be killed. Children will fight against their own parents and cause them to be put to death. 13 All people will hate you because you follow me, but those people who keep their faith until the end will be saved.

    Blessings in Christ,


  • OnTheWayOut
    They don't know about my wife's mental state. They don't know about any of it. And I'm glad of that. I guess I need to decide what to respond with soon. My wife IS getting sick. Might be nice to put it off for a while. But then again it would be nice to get this retardedness over with.

    If they don't know anything about your marital problem you shared with JWN about what your wife did, then just tell her that you need to cancel the meeting with the elders because that is your number one problem. You tell her, "If you don't want to involve the elders in that, there is no point in talking to them." If she won't go along with cancelling (and you actually don't want to involve them in that problem), then don't be there.

    People paint themselves into a corner with impossible situations. This is not your situation I am commenting on in this paragraph, but think about how similarly you feel and think to this: "I don't want to lie, but I don't want to hold my tongue. I don't want to avoid them forever, but I don't want what I might say to cause them to throw me out. I don't want to stay in this situation, but I don't want to leave. I don't want to quit and I don't want to be thrown out, but I just can't keep things the same."

    I know WTS makes some of our situations seem more impossible than they are, but we need to be firm in some things. When I started posting, many ex-JW's on this forum suggested to me to just stop going to meetings and actually just tell the elders I don't want any meetings with them. It was difficult, but I finally got it. They were right. If you don't want to be kicked out, but cannot take the JW's anymore, avoid the meetings and elders and JW conversations. It's that simple.

    Oh, and tell the wife she can leave the kids with you at home if she needs help with them when she goes to the hall.

  • brotherdan

    Yeah, I agree with you OTWO. The elders wanted to meet not to discuss any wrongdoing, but purely a shepherding call type thing. But I don't think I'm gonna do it. I don't care to put myself or my family in the situation. They will be "encouraging" to my wife and that will make her feel like she is doing the right thing and all that crap. I'll just cancel indefinitely with them. It's good that she's sick and I have a valid excuse. I just wish they would go away and let me get on with my life.

  • Ding

    Assuming that your wife isn't going to out you for apostasy, the two of you need to agree on what you're going to say about her health.

    Does your wife want them to know she was ill / in the hospital or not?

    You'd better find out what she does and doesn't want disclosed.

    If you tell them, you could be vague -- stress related...

    I like the idea of answering as little as possible about your views of the organization, but you'll need to do it in a non-combative way.

    If they ask you if you still believe the WTS is God's organization, you can look puzzled and say, "Is someone at the KH upset with me about something, because if they are they certainly haven't told me." If they press you, you might say, "A question like that upsets me. I mean, I haven't been sowing discord among the brothers or anything..."

    They could reply that you haven't been attending meetings regularly or going out in FS. You could just relate the meetings you've been to recently... stuff like that.

    If they ask why you haven't been going out in FS, you could reply with:

    -- Silence

    -- A shrug

    -- "I don't have anything to tell you, really; it just is what it is..."

  • brotherdan

    Ding, I'm just canceling. I don't care to put my wife through the stress of this. And I don't care to give them anything right now. They don't need to be involved. It will only be an opportunity for them to "encourage" us to go to more meetings and get out in service. I don't care to hear it right now. I already sent the elder an email canceling.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Dan, different elders respond differently to different people. But they all give up and go away eventually- some not entirely. They pop up every now and again in some cases, but when you keep telling them "No, thanks" then the pop-ups start coming every couple of years. The P.O. (CoBOE) waited more than two years to try to shepherd me, and that was more than a year-and-a-half ago. He has left me alone. I expect someone to pop up one day in the near future, but another "No, thanks" won't be that hard to say.

  • pat1060

    I agree with the comments to just be friendly and thank them for stopping by.You can do it with out lying.If they ask if you believe it is Jehovah's org,just say something like,how can you ask me that,we are just not feeling well.thank you so much for coming by....

  • Ding

    Okay, BD, but what's your wife going to say about it?

    You don't need a blow-up over something like that... or something triggering her contacting the elders to out you...

  • Ding

    Okay, BD, but what's your wife going to say about it?

    Does she know they asked to come?

    Will she be upset by you cancelling the meeting?

    You don't need a blow-up over something like that... or the cancellation triggering her contacting the elders to out you...

    Just trying to make sure you've got all the bases covered.

    Sorry about the double post.

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