Need help with a shepherding call!

by brotherdan 55 Replies latest jw friends

  • brotherdan

    So the elders are coming by for a shepherding call on Tuesday. I am not ready to "out" myself just yet. I don't know how to act when they are there. They are meeting with my wife and I for some "encouragment". I know that some of you are going to say, just cancel, but that won't work with my wife. I just need some advice on how to handle myself. I don't want to be dishonest. We are VERY irregular in going to meetings, so I know that they are going to bring that up. My wife, i know from past experience, will say that we have been sick and traveling and blah blah blah.

    But I just wanted to hear want you guys would do in this situation...

  • leavingwt

    I am not ready to "out" myself just yet.

    You have only one option: You must lie to them.

  • wannabefree

    Dan, do you know for certain that your wife won't "out" you at this shepherding call, are you prepared for that possibility?

  • brotherdan

    Yeah I get that LWT, but I don't want to give my wife any false hope either. She's just finally understanding that I am not changing my mind about this. The ONLY reason that I am avoiding having them find out about me is for her benefit. The frustrating thing is that it might not even be to her benefit. But with the depression and all...well...I'm just trying to do what seems best at the time.

  • mamalove

    Don't volunteer anything. Just let them talk. If you are silent, they will feel like filling up the empty space and speak for you. Answer very blah...Like how are you doing...well, we are ok. As well as we can be at this point.

    Is your wife going along with the fade subconsiously?

  • brotherdan

    She will not. The funny thing about my wife is that she doesn't feel that it is the elders' business to know about "sins" and "doubts" and all of that.

  • sleepingbeauty

    Take the Fifth Amendment " No Comment" -

    Act like your a nodding dog, say nothing & give nothing away .... lol

  • Borgia

    O very simply. We had these encouragemen visits go over us just like that. Let them take the lead. They will probably want to read a scripture or two, asking your wife to read them and for commentary, ignoring you being the head of your family. Then they will probably want to make some appointment to do some witnessing, like coming saturday. Your answer is not a glaring no, but something to the effect of thank you brother, we will consider these things under prayer. (Hasta la vista, baby)

    That's most likely it.

    But what if your wife starts to bring up your critical attitude. That's what happened to me you see. In such a case, you are screwed! Depending on what you want to achieve you might want to chose to give them a real blast or be as non-judgemental as you can be and trying to convey your being willing to give the advantage of doubt.

    I gave them the full blast in such a way, that there was no denying, but I always kept it friendly and forthcoming. So the end of the story was that they just had to accept it as a given and that I was not "yet ready" to return to the fold ....

    Anyways, you can have a real good time when it comes to this. Prerequisite is that you are at peace with where you are now. Any anger and negative emotion towards the borg is not very helpful, unless of course you want to skin these guys ....



  • Lion Cask
    Lion Cask

    You have only one option: You must lie to them.

    An interesting nuance within the context of a Society that equates itself with The Truth ™.

  • brotherdan
    Is your wife going along with the fade subconsiously?

    No. She still tries to get me to go to the meetings. Sometimes I go, but I'm very up front with her that I am only going to help her with the kids. Funny thing... I went with her to the Sunday meeting yesterday. Her mom was there and I recently sent her a few talks by Bill Cetnar and the elders manual. For those of you that don't know, she is df'd right now. I went up to her at the meeting yesterday and talked to her. Yeah, I got dirty looks, but who cares. She said that she's read what I sent and listened to the talks, and she wants more. She said, "I can't believe that I've been in the organization so long and didn't even know half of this stuff." I really can't believe it. It's crazy. She's just trying to get reinstated so she can have a relationship with her family, but she's told me that she will fade. I never would have thought that she would EVER see the truth...

    The bummer part is that my wife will resent me if her mom was to "leave the truth". I just wish there was something that would get my wife to look into the organizations history, it's mind control techniques, and it's faulty doctrine.

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