dy, you are not supposed to be here if you are a diehard witness.
My Marriage Ending...Or Other Options
I'm not here that often really as I'm quite busy in my wholesome JW life. However, somebody once in a while has to unveil all the lies and half-truths spoken here, starting with the mere naming of the website, "Jehovahs-Witness.net" no less, thus tricking so many into it.
Very crafty indeed! Just like the originator of all lies and deceit.
Marked to see how the op answers questions from other posters.
Ok DY made me puke in my own mouth...
I second the letter writing idea but take it one step further say that you can't use watchtower materials either for OR against you can use the bible or other journals but you CAN NOT use watchtower giberish either to prove OR disprove the witness beliefs.
My pioneer wife of 15 years is now working on her Ph D and is a pretty hard core atheist. I really recommend that strategy.
I'm not here that often really as I'm quite busy in my wholesome JW life.
In other words you're a jw snob and you like to go slumming here on the board to feed your narcissistic mindset. You're a jw narcissitic emotion vampire.
As a non-JW married to a Witness, I've found Steve Hassan's books to be very helpful. Just as a grounding to understanding your wife, I suggest you make a best attempt at completing a questionnaire on Steve's site. You don't have to submit it. Just answer the questions in your own notes. This should give you some insights in to your wife's natural personality, the part you fell in love with. Knowing her, addressing and encouraging her, rather than battling the cult personality, is far more rewarding.
I routinely break my JW hubby out of a Witness rant by reminding him of his unique qualities, as in , "Oh honey, don't you remember how you always love to....".
Counselling might help, even if she is not interested. Counsellors are wonderful objective third parties that can help you find new perspective and new patterns of behavior. You don't have to spiral in to the old patterns of battle and guilt. Learn how to concede without giving up your soul. Practice also standing up for yourself when you are unjustly served.
Your wife has got to get over what she has lost. Perhaps it will help by showing her what she is gaining out of the whole process. For instance, on meeting nights, can you straighten out around the house while she is gone?
My wife needed quite some months to wake up, and that caused a considerable amount of heat coming my direction. She also felt it as a direct threat to our marriage, as she also thought we would loose this common interest. Happily she did wake up over time, and our marriage improved as a consequence. And we still have the same common interest. If you can, try to stick it out.
Pay no attention to DY, she is putting herself at risk of waking up herself the more time she spends here. Then she will be facing very similar issues to you.
It is really tragic when you find out years later that the love of your spouse is conditional on you both beleiving the EXACT same thing down to the tiniest doctrinal point.
It sucks and it hurts and there is no easy answer
if only you could get her to see that that sort of love is crazy. But unfortunatly, if you want a relationship based on true love and acceptance, you won't find it with somebody like that. People who are like that cannot give unconditional love. They seek that for themselves but are unable and unwilling to give it to others.
When you stop, the others whole fairytale existance colapses and they have no coping skills. JWs are brought up to believe that 'man + woman + jehovah = happy marriage'. You take the jehovah factor out and the whole fake thing falls over like a house of cards.
I wish you all the best. For me, our house of cards imploded.
However, somebody once in a while has to unveil all the lies and half-truths spoken here...
As opposed to all the lies and half truths spoken here?
If my husband stopped being a JW, we'd have very little in common; then there's the fact that with so much free time that was occupied in Org stuff and with JW friends and family will now be occupied most likely in worldly things and worldly friends, where he'll most likely pick up those awful wordly manners, bad habits, expressions, celebrations, etc., the whole non-JW way of life. Nope! Definitely it'd be a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for your input, run along now. You've just proven how awful marraiges are to witnesses. To think, if I had became a witness and woke up I would be dealing with this. Hope you don't have any kids. If my mother left my father over a religion, I would hate all religion. What a witness! If you do not have any kids, be a sweetheart and keep it that way.
Now that my rant is over...
Here's the way I see it. In some aspects, this isn't that much different than a situation where a spouse becomes a witness. The witnesses feel all sorry for the new one in the truth when their awful awful spouse opposes but they fail to see how this cuts both ways if someone happens to be leaving the witnesses.
I cannot pretend to know what that is like as I managed to dodge that bullet by doing research on this religion before going down that path. At least from my perspective, I can argue that my wife married a non-believer to start with.