Hoffnung: I will attempt to answer you last three questions. You asked:
What was your journey in life before you got to this point?
All of my life, since my earliest recollections, I have been searching for God and Christ. My mother was the first to teach me about God and Christ. Then the Catholic Church taught me when I went to grade school and church at St. Anthony’s in Oakland, California, then at St. John’s in San Lorenzo, California. I often asked questions of the priests and the nuns and while they answered some of my questions to the best of their ability, they did not always answer to my satisfaction. I have always loved God and Christ since my earliest days. Then, one day I arrived home from school and my mother was entertaining an elderly lady (a witness) who was teaching her the Bible. She was very excited to be learning the things she was and asked me to sit in on her study. I did. What the witness lady said was extremely interesting and it was things that I had never heard before (of course), and she used her Bible to prove her statements. Of course, this was just a cursory overview that had anybody actually read the Bible, one would know. But I had not read the Bible and so all of this was new to me. After several studies, the witness lady transferred me over to a young brother who started to study with him and I learned a lot of things that I did not know. I was delighted to learn of these things and I did not know. You must realize that my belief in God and Christ was quite strong, my trust in them was quite strong, according to my limited knowledge of them. I never doubted they existed. I never doubted they cared for me. And while I was studying with the witnesses and began to attend their meetings, a strange thing occurred. They told me I was not a son of God (which heretofore I had always believed I was). That only the anointed were sons of God and that I was not one of the anointed. That was the first glitch to occur for me. However, I continued studying. The belief or disbelief, as the case may be, always stuck in the back of my mind while I continued studying. I got baptized. Then, about a year after, a witness family began studying and reading the Bible without the help of the Society’s literature. It was one of the best times I have ever had and I remember it fondly. Just reading the Bible alone was fantastic. But it didn’t go well for that family. The brothers eventually disfellowshiped all of them. And they came after me and tried to get me to spy on them, to report back to them of the goings on, and they eventually threatened me too with being disfellowshiped. Being young, inexperienced, and new to this kind of thing, I was afraid. I withdrew from my friends (to my eventual regret) and remained in the congregation. They were disfellowshiped. The ensuing years followed and I married and raised a family all the while asking questions of the elders. Finally, as a grown man, I got tired of trusting men to say what was truth and what wasn’t. I prayed to God through Christ and ask that I be shown the truth. I read the Bible on my own, continued to ask questions, to the chagrin and sometimes anger of the elders. I began to write to the Society for answers to those questions. Initially they responded quite favorable but after a while they stopped. I think they got tired of me. I continued writing, but now I always “cc’d” (courtesy copied) the Body of Elders so that they would know exactly what it was I was asking and so that I could not get in trouble as though I were doing something behind their backs. Finally I stopped writing them and continued on with my own Bible studying and readings. I learned a lot that was different from the Society’s teachings using their very own New World Translation. Their own Bible contradicted their teachings. I began to fade—some. Because my family was still in. All the years that I questioned things, I told my family what I was doing, what I was researching, etc. I did not want them ignorant of what I was doing. When ever people asked them questions (and they did), my wife at the time, or my son, or my brothers and sisters, would say: Ask Inkie, but you better be specific with what you ask him because he will tell you the answer to your question. He will tell you: The Society teaches such and so. But the Bible says this or that. Finally, people would ask me: Inkie, what does the Bible say about such and so? And then they’d ask: And what does the Society teach? During my fade, my employer, as a gift, bought me my first home computer. Wow! What a world it opened up for me. I communicated with people (witness and non-witnesses) all over the world. I communicated with people with stable and orthodox views and some that were extremely strange. All the while, regardless of who they were or what they believed and taught I maintained my respect and kindness for them. The one thing I wanted was not to be lied to deliberately or unknowingly. So I was very careful—VERY! I then met someone online in the predecessor form to this one (H2O) that said some very very interesting things. Things that I could not refute and that were backed up by what the Bible said. Anything that was stated that I did not or could not initially grasp, I put on the “back burner” of my mind for further contemplation. But what this person said on the forum and to me personally because we began a correspondence was always proven by the biblical text. I could not deny it: the statement stated and the biblical text to prove it. Then, after much correspondence, much telephone conversation, much personal face to face conversation, I tried what was suggested to me. Speak to the Christ and listen. I did so. I also prayed to God through his Christ with such fervent petitioning that I was astounded when I received an anointing in February of 2001. (I posted about this event on another thread. I can’t remember now which one it was.) I have since received our Lord’s knock and doorbell ringing on a number of occasions. Some I answered and some I didn’t. From now on, I do. My Lord, Jaheshua, and whom most know as Jesus Christ, does speak to me. He answers me and he gives me the things I ask for. I have found that I NO LONGER need to search for them for I have been found by them.
What are the non-emotional parts of your faith?
I’m not sure I understand your question here. My “non-emotional” parts? How does one separate one’s emotions from one’s self—one’s life. I will attempt to answer. While I recognize that I am an emotional creature, I do not believe that I am emotion per se. My mind is very involved in my life. Intellectually, I believe in the existence of God and Christ. No emotion there. I believe they love me and care for me. No emotion there. When I communicate with them, I am heartfelt and sincere. Maybe some emotion there. When what I learn or what things happen to me as a result of my belief and worship, this can be very emotional. Is this what you mean?
How do you live your faith and what changes did you make?
Aaahhh . . . I decided—DECIDED—to believe and trust the words of my Lord. Whether they be found in the Bible as the things he stated or whether I personally hear them myself with my “spiritual” ears. That’s a big change for me. While I always believed the words of Christ as written in the Bible, looking back, I can honestly say they I may not have necessarily trusted them. I do now. Whatever Christ has said, I believe and strive to live by, to the chagrin of many and especially to the chagrin of my former elders, etc.
I live my faith by trusting the words of my Lord. I pray throughout the day, I speak to my Lord (and listen to him) throughout the day. I share what I know to those sent to me and those who ask of me. While I am not sinless, I strive to refrain from sinning. I am more generous than I have ever been in my life. And there is still room for improvement.
I no longer live by men’s rules. I live my life by those of my Lord.
Hoffnung, does this help, does this answer your questions sufficiently?
--Inkie
