Tyrant of a wife!

by whatistruth 74 Replies latest jw friends


    whatistruth You have my sympathy. Perhaps you should wait until she is out and you are alone in your bedroom. Take off your trousers and carefully examine your legs. See the strong muscles and bone structure. The marvelous way they connect to your feet. They are there for a purpose. They enable you to walk away from danger!

    My wife behaves because I'm a gladiator, but the other day she was trying to organise my life, so I started singing 'the girl that ruled the world.' She liked the idea and started humming the song to herself. I then pointed out that there was one difficulty with her plan - all women want to rule the world.

    I hope my comments bring a little light relief, though hidden amongst the satire are some clues.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    From my perspective,, the problem is not your wife. You can physically leave her. The problem is your inability to leave. Codependency seems to be operating. There are many groups and organizations to help with that. Seeing a lawyer is good advice but the best lawyer can't make you go where you are too afraid to go. Being comfortable about bad things is a Witness trait. Bad things become so familiar we can longer sort out what is "normal" and what we are entitled to have.

    I do this in my life all the time. The battle is constant. I was told today to face the fear and do it anyway. Nice advice, far easier said than done. If you frame the issue as you, you gain management. You can't control another person. Reading books is not sufficient. as Nike says, Just Do It! I don't want to come across as glib b/c I was so severely crippled by the Witnesses I could not look people in the eye. My social skills were nil. It can be turned around.

    The Russian Orthodox Church recognizes that just as a body can die, a marriage can die.

  • jgnat

    1. Separate the bank accounts and put aside your own savings where she doesn't know. Keep this paperwork at your office under lock at key, not at home.

    2. See a lawyer to understand your rights. In most places there are lawyers who work pro bono or who do their initial consultation for free.

    3. Don't have a child with this woman.

    4. Plan your exit, and execute. Have a place to stay and a restraining order completed. Explain to your supervisor what you are doing in case she decides to show up at work for a shrieking match.

    In the meantime, learn a little about setting boundaries, and practice setting them.

    Do you have call display on your cell? Don't pick up her calls during the day. Delete her messages without listening to them. If your cell allows for it, set a special ringer for her calls (quiet and unobtrusive) so you aren't fooled in to picking them up. When you do all this, tell her that calling during the day is unacceptable and you will no longer be picking up her calls. You are setting a boundary, letting her know, and following through.

    You will have to be a little more creative to avoid the verbal abuse at home, but come up with a few strategies for leaving the house when she starts getting wound up. Maybe throw in bunny rabbit through the front door before you walk in (just kidding). In one of her calm moments, explain that you will not tolerate the cycle of fighting any more and you will leave if she tries it. If she wants to talk through the issues, she has to do it with a counsellor present.

    Anyways these are my best thoughts. She is an abuser and is aware of your weaknesses. She has convinced you that you are trapped and there is nothing you can do about it. As you straighten your shoulders and calmly stand up for yourself, she will realize that the old way of things are not going to work any more. She will either be further threatened by this or be surprised in to better behavior.

    But in the end, I think you are right. Your way to peace is separation.

  • BabaYaga

    Great plan of action, jgnat!

  • whatistruth

    jgnat, that was excellent advice. I have executed #1 and #3. I have to find work somewhere else first before I leave. Also, I have told her that if she starts just one more fight I will take the car and leave for the night. We'll see what happens.


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