Narcissistic mothers and JW,s

by jam 46 Replies latest social entertainment

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  Curtains

  here is what I said mrs jones

  well I've read this thread with interest and the most important thing I'm seeing described are clashes of culture between mothers and their children. These clashes are distressing, no doubt about that, but it is inportant to recognize that many of the mothers described here are simply reflecting the culture in which they were brought up. In a different time and place they would be considered normal. If these clashes of culture between you and your mother are bothering you get some psychotherapy.

  I don't believe in any kind of assignment of blame.
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  mrsjones5

  Making it bold does nothing to make your thought more clear.

  Seems to me you think no one should be talking about this on the board. It helps people to talk about their experiences. It helps folks to know that they aren't alone in their experiences. It helps.
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  Curtains

  I don't understand why you think I am blaming the victim?

  edit

  Seems to me you think no one should be talking about this on the board. It helps people to talk about their experiences. It helps folks to know that they aren't alone in their experiences. It helps.

  I can assure you I was not thinking that.

  I am quite interested in how personality disorders are diagnosed. One criterion for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder is that the person inflicting the harm enjoys doing so and does not experience any suffering themselves in infliciting harm. Most mothers who inflict harm on their offspring do experience personal distress when they inflict harm. Very few don't and those who don't would certainly merit being diagnosed as having narcissistic personalituy disorder.
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  mochamint22

  With all due respect, Curtains, I can see what mrs.jones is saying. It feels like you're saying that it's my fault I feel the way I do about my moms bad behavior and its my problem so I need to go get therapy to deal with my problem. I on the other hand do understand what you mean about culture clashes. I am a firm believer that people are products of their environment. I don't however think that excuses anyone for abusing their children. When will this cycle be broken? I actually am in therapy to deal with the emotional trauma she's caused and continues to cause me. Understand where she came from and her own life experiences is why I keep going back to her to attempt to have a relationship. But I'm seeing now that I cant. She's 100% toxic. She in fact cut off her mother, labeling her as a habitual liar and toxic. Looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree. But I'm breaking this cycle, I'm not gonna treat my girls like that. I'm going to teach them to be gentle, kind human beings that treat everyone as equals. I appreciate your POV as well as everyone else's.

  moe
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  mrsjones5

  Because it's not a clash of cultures. Parents aren't perfect and some are a lot worst than most. This cuts across all cultures. It helps to talk about it and by talking about it (and reading about it) folks can come to the realization that what their parents did to them wasn't their fault. Mostlikely it was something that was passed down from the parents' parents and for some reason they couldn't break the cycle. It up to the child to come to that realization and break the cycle. I don't treat my kids the way my parents treated me. I'm in no way a pushover but I'm not a mean, vindictive parent either. I don't knowingly put my children in danger, I don't publicly embrass my children, I don't neglect the basic needs of my children, I don't play mind games with my children, and I certainly don't beat my children within an inch of their lives.

  I'm not a victim and it stops with me.
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  Curtains

  okay I was adding an edit to explain myself whilst you, mrs jones and moe were typing.

  here is my edited post in full

  I don't understand why you think I am blaming the victim? edit Seems to me you think no one should be talking about this on the board. It helps people to talk about their experiences. It helps folks to know that they aren't alone in their experiences. It helps. I can assure you I was not thinking that. I am quite interested in how personality disorders are diagnosed. One criterion for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder is that the person inflicting the harm enjoys doing so and does not experience any suffering themselves in infliciting harm. Most mothers who inflict harm on their offspring do experience personal distress when they inflict harm. Very few don't and those who don't would certainly merit being diagnosed as having narcissistic personality disorder.
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  mrsjones5

  One criterion for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder is that the person inflicting the harm enjoys doing so and does not experience any suffering themselves in infliciting harm.

  I recenty said as much to my mother because I had come to realize that she was getting off on causing drama and hurting me. When I voiced what I thought to my mother know what she did? She smiled.

  Needless to say I currently don't have much to do with my mother.
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  Curtains

  moe and mrs jones

  breaking the cycle is the most productive thing one can do.

  edit: my mother was a drama queen too but I do know that she experienced a lot of distress for the harm she inflicted but owing to culture she did not have the opportunity or the means to get help.

  edit, edit: Mrs Jones after having read back over my original reply to you I want to apologise for sounding dismissive and for giving the impression that I was trying to stop people talking about this terrible subject. What I was trying to suggest was a way to come to terms with the harm parents cause. But, sometimes, because of the extent of the harm, it isn't possible to do so and one can only reflect on it in horror.
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  Curtains

  okay to get back on track. It looks as though people with narcissistic personality disorder may seek out a niche in the JW religion because they have an opportunity to express and enjoy their disorder. I think this is true.
• 

  BabaYaga

  Curtains, NPD is NOT a cultural or generational difference. NPD is a real, recognized, diagnosable abnormality. These people literally do not have empathy the way that "normal" healthy functioning people do.

  Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a very real psychological aberration.

  Another good site on the subject:
  http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/