by SweetBabyCheezits 64 Replies latest jw friends
I know my mom would cry her eyes out for months because I left. And that is what is sick about the cult. She will be faithful in NOT talking to me ever again. But she would live in pain everyday for the rest of her life. And THAT is what hurts me.
bingo
Dan don't go into Details about Marriage Problems... we all did wrong things.
the first 2 years all I did was a Self examination of my last 25-35 yrs thinking... maybe if I worked on this or that.
Said this and not that...
I became a Hermit Work/Home. Never went out really. Just walked to collect my thoughts and do Soul Searching... like wandering the Wilderness for 40 yrs.
What I came up with took 2 yrs..... It wasn't just ME!
I'm really glad that your mom and dad are still spending time with your kids; I was afraid that they wouldn't. I still hope that this situation makes your mom think. She loves you so much. She has a deep investment because of her years in the organization, but I keep thinking that she loves you more.
Do you remember the disfellowshipped people that lived next door to your grandma? I never knew them because they were disfellowshipped long before I ever lived in Texarkana. Anyhow, when their adult son died I remember your mom taking them a card and a covered dish. She knew that they were disfellowshipped, but she did that anyway. Of course I am sure that her actions in that instance were at least somewhat motivated by a desire to help them return to the organization. But it still seems to suggest at least a little hope that kindness toward her own son might win out over dogmatic obedience to rules. I also remember that she was much easier on your brother than your dad was.
And as for your dad...he's a tough one. After I was disfellowshipped, though, he still continued to speak to me at work because he felt that if he ignored me completely it would look bad to our coworkers. We never talked about "spiritual" matters, but we didn't solely discuss work related thing either. And, when I was in the hospital shortly after I was disfellowshipped, he called a few times to check on me--but he thought that I was trying to get reinstated so I am sure that is what made the difference.
I do feel sorry for your parents. I know them and I know they are good people; they would not have been so good to me and put up with so much out of me if they weren't.
As you know, my close family never shunned me. Sometimes that makes it harder for me to fully empathize with those who have lost their families. Seeing your experience though is really opening my eyes to how horrible this is for all involved and makes me dislike the organization even more. You and your mom and dad deserve better than that.
VB, I appreciate that post. I need a moderating perspective, especially when it comes to my parents. Your feedback helps a lot.
She has a deep investment because of her years in the organization, but I keep thinking that she loves you more.
I know she loves me... I hope you're right about the "more" part. She included "Dear Tim" and "Love, Mom" in a couple of otherwise formal emails asking to see the kids. I don't know if Dad would approve or if he even knows she wrote but I kinda think she sees that as an opportunity to show she cares.
I also think she knows I wasn't bluffing when I said 'there's as much chance of her becoming a Catholic as there is for us to return to the KH.' So I think she realizes that shunning won't be an effective tactic to get us to come back.
Do you remember the disfellowshipped people that lived next door to your grandma? .... When their adult son died I remember your mom taking them a card and a covered dish. She knew that they were disfellowshipped, but she did that anyway... But it still seems to suggest at least a little hope that kindness toward her own son might win out over dogmatic obedience to rules.
Wow, I didn't remember that experience at all. That's a great point. I know she has a good heart. Hope you're right about it winning out over obedience.
...[your dad] still continued to speak to me at work because he felt that if he ignored me completely it would look bad to our coworkers.
That's something else I didn't know! I must say I'm really surprised, although if it was only for show so as not to "stumble" worldly people, that kinda negates the warm fuzzy.
While I'm learning to empathize with Mom pretty well, I think this crap is causing me to feel resentment towards my dad. As an adult JW, I always had a good relationship with him. I mean, we weren't runnin' buddies but we got along great, fished together sometimes, and had mutual respect. His recent words and actions have really left me disappointed, though.
You and your mom and dad deserve better than that.
Thanks, I agree. And they would agree, too. The only difference is they would put the blame squarely on me.
Do I feel sorry for the family members who shun me: NO!
