by justbreathe825 92 Replies latest social relationships
...and don't go marrying him unless you know he is over it and is mentally free.
...and don't tell him that. That would be emotional blackmail, just like they are trying to use on you. He has to be out of the cult of his own free will, just as you should only join it of your own free will.
Can I ask? Why do you want to marry him? If you love him accept him as the confused person he is. If you don't think your love can encompass the person he is, then don't marry him. This is coming from someone who is confused but married a wonderful non Witness. My husband never puts his ideas on me. He accepts that I am trying to find my own way. He is there to carry me if I fall, but he stays on the side lines wishing me well. This is my journey. He is with me, but he does not interfere. You can only control what you do and your actions. You may feel you know best, but he may not thank you at the end. Just my two cents worth.
I'm confused. Why would you join or even consider joining something that you don't believe in? If your fiancee is making that a requirement, then does he really love you and respect you. And why would you do it? Each of us has to be true to ourselves and, it is important for us to figure out what those truths are. Starting a marriage off on a lie does not sound good to me. Does it sound good to you?
To be honest he sounds like a controlling maniplative guy that is isolating you for other people so he can control you. There are non Witness and Witness guys and gals that are maniplative and controlling. And what is wrong being alone? You have to be confortable in your own skin and know who you are. I am still struggling with figuring out WHO I AM. Your younger than me. Figure out who you are before you get married.
I never once told my husband that I wanted him to be a Witness before I married him.
Green Jade, no offense, but I think the advice you are offering is bad advice because you married a NON-Witness and things worked out.
Here, the situation is completely reversed. This young lady is contemplating marriage to a JW whose parents very enthusiastically seek her conversion to JWism. Her life will be ruined if she links up with a cultist and his mind-controlled family.
She is beginning to see the snippyness and sarcasm emerge from his personality as he is confronted with the cognitive dissonance induced by his romantic attachment to this girl and his overwhelming desire to please his parents and secure eternal life from the WATCHTOWER.
Hi justbreath23 correct me if I'm wrong but did you call or talk to someone that's in the organization borg about your boyfriend and what he has told you? lol. If I got all of this right, good for you. He was living a lie anyway. I'm sorry, but I'm trying real hard to be understanding but this guy sounds like a selfish idiot. I'm sure your a bright, pretty girl that deserves better. Doesn't everyone deserve better? Exposing him was the right thing to do anyway, he was living an emotional spiritual lie.
Do you see how nasty all of this has become? and your not even married to him yet. Once married (Which I hope you don't), you WILL BE EXPECTED to get baptized. I'm sorry honey that this boyfriend is so confused and sounds a bit angry too.
I believe your boyfriend needs time away from his mommy, daddy and possibly you too just to get his head on straight. When you do speak to him suggest this. Tell him you want a break for a couple of weeks and then meet over coffee and discuss feelings and goals in person. Texting should be avoided.
Just remember your not marrying the parents your possibly marrying your boyfriend. Although it sounds like his parents are very much involved in your relationship. I suggest if he's mature to marry he'd learn to keep HIS business away from his parents.
If you get married and you have a problem, is he going to run to his parents every time? I hope not. I am not trying to be rude. Don't get into a mind set ("I was with him 3 years, if I break up it would have been a waste of time.") Take it as a learning lesson and move on.
I will pray for you.
well I have to say most of you are absolutely right...My head tells me I should break up with him...we talked on sunday. we agreed on celebration certain holidays. But he wants me our kids (when we have) to take them to the kh every sunday. I asked him, if we change kh and we go to a kh where ur parents don't know anybody would you still be going to the thurs. mtgs, service? he says yes. That right there shows me is not only about the parents...he wants to satisfy the entire government body!!!! he doesn't want to be "looked" down by people from whatever kh he goes to. So he's willing to wats all that time he could be spending with his family jusy to make some randome ppl happy. Ugghhhh
I mean he can do whatever the heck he wants but why force kids...he excuses himself by saying is normal to take kids to church....but kh? that isn't a church...isn't it slightly different? I have never seen such thing as shunning!!!
Ah somne girl gor "unshunned" on thursday...so on sunday everyone was greeting her as they have never seen her before LOL it was just bizarre.
oh and one more thing....the "emotional blackmail" that blacksheep is referring to has not showd its "true colors" yet...we were over his parents on sunday and everything was normal...that might be bc i e-mailed them that I didn't want to talk about anything (jw related) and that i needed time. let's see how much time they "allow" me to have.
I'll keep you all posted!
Knowing all that you do about the Watchtower, do you really want your kids raised as Jehovah's Witnesses?
Do you want your kids constantly terrified that mommy is going to be wiped out at Armageddon any day now because she isn't following Jehovah?
Please give your future children the gift of a normal life by marrying someone who won't try to turn them into Watchtower slaves.
justbreathe ...
you can not change the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society (Jehovah's Witnesses)
you can not change the way they control people
you may be able to help your boyfriend to think for himself, but you can't make him and only he can release himself of the control the religion has over him, which is deep
even though he hasn't been living the life of a typical witness, it is obvious that he is still a believer
Green Jade, I think you have been very fortunate indeed, it is not like this for all.
I married a JW and went to the KH, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday meetings. They are very anti being married to a "non-believer" (as they call non-JW's) and there are plenty of talks on the subject as well as snide remarks. It is not pleasant. Well it wasn't for me as I was expecting to meet people who behaved like Christians. This is without all the other emotional blackmail that is put on you to spend more time in the Ministry, not miss meetings (even when visiting family that you can only visit on a Sunday because of the distance they live from you). You are most definitely looked down on if you don't do FS.
Fortunately, my husband never wanted to be one anyway, we did it for his parents but in the end he couldn't stick it anymore and his parents seem to have lost their marbles so have stopped checking whether we attend or not. (They live miles from us).
I just feel that Justbreathe's situation doesn't look good and probably wouldn't improve, she is a young girl and could probably in time find someone else. Her boyfriend seems so confused wanting to please his parents but not really coming across as wanting to be a JW.
