Dating a JW for 3 yrs

by justbreathe825 92 Replies latest social relationships

  • Incognito

    Justbreathe825 said:

    Ayyyyyy what a dilemma...I wish I could just say heck with all this and find myself a new guy but ahhhh some of us are just too weak!

    If you keep telling yourself that you're too weak, that's all you'll ever be! We often become what we tell ourselves we are.

    You recognized something wasn't right in your relationship, especially as it related to the JW religion and came to this discussion forum asking for advice and validation. You received the advice that you asked for and your feelings and observations were validated. Unfortunately, it seems you were told not what you wanted to hear so you make the excuse that you're too weak, implying that you'll put-up with whatever crap is thrown your way. I hope you actually have more self-esteem than that.

    You might consider some of the advice given as harsh or critical. Please consider that most on this forum now regret their time as JWs and do not wish anyone else to be trapped in that lifestyle. We know full well what is expected and how JWs act and think.

    Many here now wish that they were provided the advice you were given, early on before they ever became JWs. Although you're essentially a stranger to us, no one desires to see you hurt or otherwise entering a life that you'll soon realize is a mistake.

    It's ultimately up to you whether you heed the advice you were given but remember, you are responsible for your own life, however it may turn out.

    Go through life with your eyes open, considering all options. Don't regret decisions made because you felt obligated, unworthy or desperate.

    With regard to your BF, he may be a great guy and a fellow we might all like. Unfortunately, he was brought-up as a JW and was conditioned to think and act as one. JW programing is is very ingrained, especially when a person is raised within it. Ideas taught to a child will usually be with him/her for life and are very tough to change or otherwise unlearn.

    Even though you say he doesn't believe, he is happy to play 'The Game' otherwise, he wouldn't have been a Ministerial Servant (I read your "To Be" thread). I personally have a tough time believing that he doesn't believe.

    Although he has taken a break to 'sew his wild oats', you have stated he fully expects to continue as a JW and becomes upset when you show any doubt or otherwise not follow through with your indoctrination into becoming a good little JW wife.

    He's obviously already thought ahead to having children and he knows full well that they'll be required to attend every meeting and participate in field service. He's fooling himself (and you) if he actually thinks that they'll celebrate their birthdays or any other 'worldly' or 'pagan' celebration. They'll be required to stand in the hall at school during the National Anthem, Pledge of Allegiance or other nationalistic ceremony and also remove themselves when the class is singing Christmas songs or coloring Halloween Pumpkins.

    What's a child to think if they can participate in some things and not others, especially when they've learned at the KH that those things are BAD and Jehovah hates people that do those things ?

    Children desire to please their parents. Your BF continues to do anything to please his parents and I expect he's similar to your age. Your future children will not go against anything Daddy requires of them as they will be taught that Jehovah is going to kill everyone that doesn't believe in him.

    As a JW man, he is considered the 'Head of the House' and his family is to be in 'full subjection' to him. If any family members living in his home are not in subjection (ie: not indoctrinated JWs), he'll likely be criticised and probably never be given a position (Ministerial Servant, Elder) and may even come to despise you for his lack of status in the congregation.

    As you can see, this 'religion' makes life very complicated. What is written above has only scratched the surface. There is lots to consider.

    Here is a link to recent thread where a young woman similar to yourself, is dating/living with a JW boy:

    In addition, view the BEST OF TOPICS section of this forum as there are many other threads written on this subject.

    Good Luck!

    (Oops, I said LUCK. Another NoNo for a JW)

  • Check_Your_Premises

    I would absolutely NOT recommend marrying this person.

    I know that might be painful to consider. Maybe too painful.

    I would try to think of your unborn children. You are playing for very high stakes here. Will you raise them as witnesses? What happens if they have an accident that includes major blood loss? Will you let them die rather than allow them to recieve the lifesaving but forbidden treatment?

    A person either believes the JW is the "right" religion or they don't or not sure. If your bf believes it is the one true religion, then you can bet your ass that once you have kids, he will want to raise them in the religion.

    You will be an unbelieving mate. You will be second wife to his first wife, the Watchtower. All major decisions about your life, the children's lives will have the organization giving the final say. Your husband will follow their dictates, and because they are from God, they will be non-negotiable.


    The pain of passing on this is more imminent and acute... but if you take the long view of your life, that pain will likely register as a mere blip when compared to the pain you and your children could experience as a result of making this choice.

    Choose carefully Mommy, your babies are counting on you.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Wouldn't it be nice to have an update on the situation??

    I suspect JustBreathe was too hooked (probably blinded by first sexual relationship) to see anything clearly. Never gave any consideration why this guy couldn't find a nice JW girl. Try the fact that all he was after was SEX (and couldn't risk sexing with a JW girl). He was willing to break the rules just to have SEX. No self-control. No stand for "godly" principles (that he supposedly believes). She should mention to a few of the brothers that she is emotionally torn and wishes that she had waited to get involved sexually with him so that she could see things from a different perspective. Then see what side he takes as their sharpening their ax in his judicial meetings. They force him to drop her like a hot potato if he wants to be seen as repentant. Then it will be give up the girl or give up the cult. She fails to see that he will also break the rules after their marriage if he finds a different woman for better sex and dump on her.

    Lots of wasted breath on this one.

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