How do I make a long story short? I am fully aware that if anyone in my area were to read this that they will know who I am. I am ok with it.
I was disfellowshipped on January 28th 2010 after an "interview" about an evening of bowling with friends and family back in november 2009. I was among 4 who were disfellowshipped and 6 who were publicly reproved. Only 2 out of the 10 were "disciplined" because of events from that night.
There was a group of about 20 of us who go bowling every year on the eve before Thanksgiving. Some would go to dinner together before bowling and then meet up at our (my dh and myself) home after to sit in our hot tub. We would drink throughout the night and just cut loose and enjoy each other's company.
Last year changed everything when some in the group decided that there was too much drinking going on and went to the elders about it. From there it turned into this witch hunt where they gathered everyone who had gone bowling that night and held "interviews" to find out who was drunk and acting out of control that night.
My DH and I were the last to be "interviewed" and knew some of what to expect before we met with them. Mind you, we debated on whether or not we even wanted to meet with these brothers as we did not agree with the way things were being handled. But thinking that this was being respectful of the "arrangement" we went along to this "interview". BAD DECISION!
It started off bad. The 2 elders were not even from our congregation. I knew 1 of them and the other I had never seen before in my life. It turned out that he was a sub CO.
As we were being seated across a long table, one of them referred to the evening in question as "Turkey Bowl 2009" and I stated that they must have been on my facebook page as I had posted photos of the event under the album title "Turkey Bowl 2009". When confronted, they started to ask about why I had a facebook account, what I used it for and if I had deleted any photos of the event after learning about the "interviews" that were being held regarding that night.
They "interviewed" my DH first, while I waited outside the room for 30 minutes. They called me in and questioned me about my drinking that evening. They asked if I saw anyone there that night that was drunk or if there was anything going on that was questionable behavior. I stated that it was not up to me to judge if anyone had been drunk. That I was not paying attention to what everyone else was drinking, just what I was drinking. They asked about the supposed "after hours parties" that went on at our home and in our hot tub. Which were just a few of our friends that would come over after bowling and hang out in the hot tub.
This is where it got ugly. They asked if I was drunk. I said no, i did not feel as if I was drunk. They stated that others there that night felt like I had too much to drink and that I told someone there that I was drunk. I said no again. They asked how many drinks I had that night in which I was able to tell them drink by drink what I had. 7 drinks in a 7 hour period of time.
If I had stopped there, I would have gone home a free woman. BUT I put a little more detail into my answer than necessary and I was punished for it. I mentioned that I did not feel as if I was drunk that night because I did not throw up like I had in the past. It was then that they started to ask questions about the last time it was that I had thrown up after drinking. I said that it had been well over a year, more likely 2. They then asked how many times it had happened. My DH and I both said it was probably about 3-4 times over the past 5 or more years.
We were asked to step out of the room at that point and asked to wait in an adjacent room. When we were asked back into the "interview" room there were now 3 elders sitting at the "interview table". The 3rd elder, both my DH and I knew. Talk about a sucker punch to the gut. They had this elder in the waiting as we saw his car when we first pulled up, but we did not see him until just then. They had formed a judicial committee on the spot just for ME.
The next 2 hours were plain HELL. I explained that I did not have a problem with drinking. That I rarely drank. That months go by without any alcohol touching my lips. I was stunned. Of all the things that I have done in my life, drinking was never an issue for me. This feel on deaf ears. They even likened getting drunk 1 time to committing adultery 1 time. That is when I completely broke down and left the room. I begged my DH not to go back into the room with those men, but out of respect, we once more went back into the room. No apologies were said, no one asked why I left the room, not one elder cared that they had completely crushed me.
After that point, I shut down and would not look at anyone, barely spoke and just cried. The elders took this as being unrepentant.
A week later we were called to meet at the KH for my decision. When we arrived, 2 of our friends were also there to hear their decision. I was called in first and was disfellowshipped. The other 2 ended up being publicly reproved.
We appealed the decision, stating that I was NOT a drunkard. But it was to no avail. One of the elders even raised his hand during the appeal and spoke up regarding a place that I had admitted drinking at, stating that just 1 martini from there was enough for him. I had admitted to drinking 2 1/2. I mentioned that the article in the Awake regarding Alcohol stated "How much is too much for you?" it mentioned that when you have lost your ability to reason, was too much for you. I stated that I had not lost my ability to reason. The elder opened up the article and started reading from another piece in it that talked about a brother who "hid" his drinking from his friends and family.....as if saying that I was hiding my drinking.
My parents who have been long time witnesses of Jah, are stunned and saddened by this. They wrote 2 letters to the WTS on my behalf, only to be shut down by the branch. Once again the elders in my "interview/committee meeting" twisted things that I and my husband had said and made me look like I had been drinking since I was a teen.
Without the support of my family and a non witness friends I am not sure what I would do. This has raised SO many questions..... My spirit was crushed by this. I am still healing. I did try to go to meetings for about 2 months. i even went to 1 day assembly and 1 day of the summer convention. I have not been back since the beginning of July.
So, here I sit.....explaining my story to complete strangers.....trying to heal. Knowing that I need to go back into an organization that I am not sure I want to be a part of. But that is for another post!
Thanks for your time in reading this. I know that I am not the only story out there......I can't be.