by lil.lady.03 45 Replies latest jw experiences
Welcome lil.lady.03, I think you will be surprised by the numbers of posters here who have very similar stories to tell!
Re: "If you only knew"; most of us DO KNOW. The WTBTS is a very powerful influence on many people and breaking free is hard but not impossible.
You mention your BF is not a JW but wordly, there is nothing wrong with that; contrary to what the WTBTS says, not all non-JW's are terrible evil people; in fact it is US who are the normal ones and them who are the misled odd ones!
Welcome, and don't let this religion destroy your life like I did. It's crucial to find your way while you're young. It sounds like you're in love, and this is a good thing for you. If you let them, they will take it all away from you, keep you in guilt and fear, and the little dubbie droids you date will just keep manipulating you and reinforcing in your mind that you are inferior. Years from now, either after the inevitable happens and you leave or get thrown out, or the organization implodes into its own pile of dung, you'll look back at all the wasted years. Don't let that happen.
~Peace~
Jimmy C.
Welcome to the board!
I don't post here often, but I'd like to say 'welcome' as well.
Hope you manage to get a good sleep tonight and wake up knowing you have a huge amount of support here for you.
LilLady,
All those years you have spent housing an internal battle...a raging war that you were taught to suppress. There is a reason they teach you that....to keep you passive and obediant to 'them', the GB and WTS. They have used God as their master weapon, and kept you held hostage.
You can feel this now. You have felt it all along, but you are feeling it more now.
Feelings are our internal language, the natural connection to God and everything Holy.
Your mind is the mediator between your 'internal instict" that tells you something doesn't 'feel' right. That is the very thing to listen to.
Follow heart (connection to God) and discard the things in your head (thoughts, ideas, judgements, prejudices,) and let yourself become someone new. Even as the cells of our body die and and regenerate, so do you....cells continue to follow the bio-blueprint they were designed for. Your whole self can do this too, and renew, and grow and become.
You have been taught to follow instruction of men, who disguise their existance as Godly. They are the least of Godly, as you can see by the many whom have been touched by them on this forum. Do you see God here in their words? So many hurt...is that what Godly is? Whitewash all around WTS.
You found love in your bf...let it grow. Now go play in the playground of life and drop your guilt off at the local city dump.
PS...I am not encouraging mal behavior, I am encouraging following your heart.
WELCOME ! I am so glad you found this site at the time that you did . You will find comfort and strength here because you will find you are not alone !
So many of us were raised as JW's and have very similar stories to tell . What keeps coming up as common is the internal feeling that something is just not right ,but allowing ourselves to go on doing the same thing for years because we were taught not to trust our own consciences . It took me 44 yrs to finally begin listening to the voice with in me . It is not easy ....but it is SO worth it to wake up and live life .
I hope you will read many of the personal stories on here and gain strength . It sounds like you have found a wonderful life partner . Life is to short to waste it worrying with guilt founded on what some other human says we should or should not do .
Continue with your story when you can, and let the healing begin .
Welcome.
Bangalore
lil.lady.03
Hi & welcome!
You are a very lucky(love being able to use this word!) lucky young woman.
Sorry about all the crap that has happened to you .... but you now have landed in a place where you can at last find support & advice, you get to pick what actually has meaning for you! Again, ... good luck!
Just want to say that notverylikely's answer to you is priceless. Should be standard reading for 'newbees' ... it's that good, in my opinion anyway.
clarity
Thank you everyone for your replies so far. I was up all night. I keep thinking someone I know from my hall is going to find this post and tell on me. I realy leftout so much detail in my post, just thinking 'oh no. Someone I know is going to stumble upon this and recognize my storyright of the bat."
Iknow for sure I don't want to go to the elders for anything. I just want to fade away. only a few ppl will notice.
I really can't stand that feeling of being in fear, but its so embedded in me. I told my brother that and he said that it will take some time to get over the mind control thing of having to tell on yourself or thinking someone is constanly watching you. I guess it will take some time.
I keep thining"i'm going to end up all alone. No friends. Even think once I'm gone, even my bf is going to leave me and the joke will be on me because I stepped out on the truth and its all just a ploy and snare by satan and I fell in. and now I have nothing or no one.
And that's the thing. I have some really cool and down to earth girl friends. All of us have a less than perfect jw life story.
One of friend's went through a really hard time. Basically she (a reg pinoneer t the time) got pregnant by douche-bag dude she was dating. He was already known as a player and is really good at twisiting words and lying. Well, she got df'd and he only got publically reproved. I was so mad. his dad was on the JC and he lied his ass off about everything. He shows up to all the gatherings all happy and care-free. By the time my friend had her baby he was already dating another girl.She gets reinstated in by the time the baby is born and is 1 month old, so like 10months later.
My friend wants to work things out and marry him for the baby's sake. And he's lying to her saying 'sure ok.' but by the time the baby is one, the dude dumped the girl he was dating when my friend was knocked up and alone, and runs off and marries another dumb chick. My good friend has basically gone thourgh a mental breakdown twice now. I'm tooting my own horn and I will admit I have been a really good friend to her and supported her alot. If anything, I'm afraid of causing her pain and not being able to help her out if I'm df'd.
That's one thing that has held me back from completely walking away. I have too many personal ties to people I love and care about. This has been my life my whole life.
On the flip-side I know I can't live for ppl and what they think I should do. its just hard to break away. And I really don't want to go to the elders again and tell them anything.
I bust into tears all the time. I get headaches and so sick to my stomach. My bf said no religion should cause someone so much pain. I agree.
thank you everyone. I feel bad because, this support feels like an answer to my prayers, but that shouldn't sound right, huh? LOL
The good news is that while everybody's experience is unique...... there often times is a common thread!
I am glad you got back with your BF!
Awful what has happened to your friend and her baby! (love amongst them)
So where do you want to go from here.....
Do you want to keep believing in the WTS appointment?
Hugs!
