Sex before marriage. feeling guilty

by frigginconfused 77 Replies latest jw friends

  • frigginconfused

    Heres the situation...

    Met a girl I am tottally infatuated with. I could just hang out with her and not have sex but she has not been in a relationship in a year and shes pretty horny. Im a normal dude so I dont want to refuse her.

    I cant decide if Im rationalizing my feelings. The JW mindset is still a bother so I cant see clearly.

    On one hand I tell myself dont do it. It will cloud my judgement and hers to see if we are good marriage mates. She will fall in love too fast from getting that involved and I will overlook things I might not if I wasnt clouded. And I dont want to loose Gods favor.

    The other hand says to do it. This wouldnt be a self serving experiance. I truely want to please her. And I feel she truely wants to please me. So this isnt some random selfish hookup. It would be very loving. Because of the JW crap in my head I dont take anything they teach seriously anymore. Im more of a love and peace hippy. Whats wrong with connecting with someone on that deep level? That kind of thing doesnt feel wrong. No one gets hurt. Everyones needs are met. And love is the motivating force behind it.

    I am having too much trouble being neutral on this. I need an outsiders view.

    I do believe in God and the bible. So plain old logic wont work. Or else I would go for it. Displeasing God is what this is all about. So please reply with my beliefs in mind.

  • cantleave

    It's just the watchtower indoctrination kicking in. Do what you feel is right for you both and enjoy without guilt.

  • SixofNine

    grow up.

  • cameo-d

    What 69 said.

    If you feel the need to ask permission to have sex from a public discussion got a long way to go.

    Do the girl a favor and get out of her life.

  • frigginconfused

    Thanks. Its got me in knots. I know what the bible says about fornication. But I have heard some viewpoints on that...

    Its about self serving hooking up just to get yours. And my morals dont agree with this either. So Im with the bible on that. But in a commited relationship where both people are connecting on a deeper level I just cant see whats wrong with that.

    Im aware that sex before marriage can cloud things. I know this from personal experiance. Its another reason Im having so much trouble. I stayed alot longer than I should have with a girl that I got in too deep too fast. Before I knew it a few years had past and Im living with someone I really dont like. I had to wake up and get outa there. So this has me scared.

  • Gregor

    As usual, I agree with six-of-nine's pithy comment.

  • StAnn

    Do you love this girl enough to marry her?

    I ask because my neighbor went into a relationship with a woman under the circumstances you mention and she got pregnant after a few months of casual sex. They really liked each other but now they have a child together. My neighbor wants custody of his son and his ex sexual partner is getting married and wants her new husband to raise the boy as his own. A real mess, and they will have to deal with this until the child is grown. Now they are in court sorting out custody.

    Remember, sex isn't always just about pleasure. Sometimes, believe it or not, it actually produces a little human being who deserves a good life.

  • wasblind

    "So please reply with my beliefs in mind"

    Just because one stops being a JW doesn't mean that you are displeasing to God

    Just use common sense in all aspects of your life, The problem with JW's is that

    they are not use to thinking for themselves, and when they get out into the real world

    they'er lost because their reasoning skills about the facts of life are stunted.

    " On one hand I tell myself dont do it. It will cloud my judgement and hers to see if we are good marriage mates. She will fall in love too fast from getting that involved and I will overlook things I might not if I wasnt clouded "

    sounds to me that you have good reasoning skills, just use common sense with it, and it's so nice to know that you are considering her feelings as well. I applaude you.

  • Darth plaugeis
    Darth plaugeis

    Sex + God= Confusion

    Sex + 2 people who have needs= Normal

    Sex + Before Marriage = Smart thinking....ask many on this Board

    Sex+Feeling Guilty= You Did SOMETHING right LOL

  • slimboyfat

    Forget the guilt trip. I know I wish I had when I was younger.

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