Depression, getting tired, conscience slowly stripping my sanity away.

by easyreader1970 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • AGuest

    Dearest Easyreader... may you have peace!

    I have read stories like yours here over the years I don't know how many times. And there are two words that stand out to me more than any others... and which I find quite interesing: atheist... and medication. I rarely "see", however, any true happiness related here as to these two, alone or more especially, in combination. Fact is, I rarely see true happiness related here as to religion... and medication... which also often go hand in hand (certainly among JW women! But what woman could live up to all that is required of her among them without it, really? I digress...)

    I could go into a long diatribe on both... because obviously the first isn't doing all for you that you wish it to... and I don't think the second will, either. But I won't. Instead, I will simply ask you: what is it that you TRULY want?... and if you respond we can go from there.

    Again, I bid you peace... and joy... truly...

    A slave of Christ,


  • cantleave

    Easy, sorry to hear what you are going through. You trapped emotionally and this resulting a stress that is eating you from the inside out.

    Seek professional help please, and take whatever corrective action are required to reduce the guilt and stress that are causing this depression.

    A professional will allow you to vent and can formulate a strategy to help you cope.

    Read Flipper's PM, he is a sincere, caring and logical person who speaks a great deal of sense.

  • jaguarbass

    Check out the above site. THeres lots of good tricks there.

    I got to go to work, I know this will attract alot of criticism but

    believing in God and having faith is one component to addessing depression.

    Fake it till you make it.

    When I read atheist material I go into a tail spin. I need to turn to God to pull me out.'

    Still when I feel good enough I put myself in a tail spin for the thrill of it.

    Good luck got to go to work.

  • sabastious
    The problem is that I love my wife and kids.

    ^ This statement gives you a window into the quality of your thinking at the moment.

    Depression breeds delusional thoughts and the best thing you can do for yourself now is identify those thoughts so at least you know what you are up against.

    Keep fighting brother, I know depression, in the moment, seems impenetrable, but ultimately you are stronger than it.


  • purplesofa

    I no longer have pleasant suicidal thoughts of me just being permanently at rest. I have this depressing vision of my growing old in a world that I can't fully partake of or enjoy.

    I think possibly when you decide there is no GOD it's depressing. It is so brutally honest, so painful to think what goes on in the world we only do to ourselves.

    It's so wonderful to think God is going to come along and fix everything, then when we realize that won't happen, and delving into the worlds problems it's

    more than overwhelming, it seems impossible.

    When you see the percentage of those that are religious and believe in God compared to those it gets somewhat disheartening. Atheist are a minority that

    in some places is the lowest of low to admit.

    Look for the good that people are doing. This weekend was a great reminder of how great people are with all the coverage of the rebuilding of New Orleans.

    Just some of the work Brad Pitt has done and he professes to be an atheist!!!

  • Meeting Junkie No More
    Meeting Junkie No More

    First of all, easyreader, great to see you posting again! I always enjoyed reading you.

    I truly sympathize with your situation; although I was fortunate enough to wake up with my spouse more or less simultaneously (although the issues that led to our awakening were very different for each of us). I can imagine how extremely difficult it must be to awaken next to a Zealot Witness.

    That having been said, LIFE BEGINS at 40! I know it's just a saying, but now that I am 54, I can look back and attest to the truth of those words. Never allow your Zealot wife to overshadow the person that YOU ARE, that she married FOR BETTER OR WORSE. Yes, you have mentally left the religion and you are free to physically leave (by no longer attending the meetings, not sure if you are already doing that). I found that by cutting off all meeting attendance, your mind begins to clear itself and you are able to concentrate more on what it is you need to do to find your own state of equilibrium.

    I feel my life slipping away day by day. I have lost all joy and all interest in just about everything. I just try to make it through each day. I've not gone to a therapist of any kind because there isn't much point.

    From my own experience, I can truly say that you should never UNDERESTIMATE the power of counselling. Does your employer provide an Employee Assistance Program? I would strongly suggest that if they do, you avail yourself of these counselling sessions, because they are a LIFESAVER.

    Let your wife know that you may be going through some sort of 'mid-life' crises (not that that is what it is, but she may be able to handle things better if that is how you categorize it). Tell her that there are certain things you have to do FOR YOURSELF. Once she sees that the things you are doing are making you a happier person, which will, in turn, spill over into the family, you may be surprised at how she comes around. My own significant other apparently woke up long before I did, but was extremely patient (never letting on, until they realized I was on the same page). It worked!

    That's just my 2c. Wishing you all the truly does get better! Never give up HOPE!

Share this