First of all, easyreader, great to see you posting again! I always enjoyed reading you.
I truly sympathize with your situation; although I was fortunate enough to wake up with my spouse more or less simultaneously (although the issues that led to our awakening were very different for each of us). I can imagine how extremely difficult it must be to awaken next to a Zealot Witness.
That having been said, LIFE BEGINS at 40! I know it's just a saying, but now that I am 54, I can look back and attest to the truth of those words. Never allow your Zealot wife to overshadow the person that YOU ARE, that she married FOR BETTER OR WORSE. Yes, you have mentally left the religion and you are free to physically leave (by no longer attending the meetings, not sure if you are already doing that). I found that by cutting off all meeting attendance, your mind begins to clear itself and you are able to concentrate more on what it is you need to do to find your own state of equilibrium.
I feel my life slipping away day by day. I have lost all joy and all interest in just about everything. I just try to make it through each day. I've not gone to a therapist of any kind because there isn't much point.
From my own experience, I can truly say that you should never UNDERESTIMATE the power of counselling. Does your employer provide an Employee Assistance Program? I would strongly suggest that if they do, you avail yourself of these counselling sessions, because they are a LIFESAVER.
Let your wife know that you may be going through some sort of 'mid-life' crises (not that that is what it is, but she may be able to handle things better if that is how you categorize it). Tell her that there are certain things you have to do FOR YOURSELF. Once she sees that the things you are doing are making you a happier person, which will, in turn, spill over into the family, you may be surprised at how she comes around. My own significant other apparently woke up long before I did, but was extremely patient (never letting on, until they realized I was on the same page). It worked!
That's just my 2c. Wishing you all the best...it truly does get better! Never give up HOPE!