Where now?

by bez 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • bez

    Hi , and thanks everyone for your replies.

    I was brought up a Witness and baptized at 16. I married a 'boy' 25 lol, who was also brought up a witness and we have had 2 children together. I am happy to say as a couple we are happier now than ever!

    I am not suprised at the reaction of people, just a little shocked at the predictablility of people. I have kinda prayed that God would show me what he wants me to do..I felt at ease with my decison to 'leave' especially as my husband is feeling the same, i suppose peoples reactions have just brought it to life and have brought back feelings of inadequacy for me to talk to God and have a relationship with him now

    Tammy, you said about talking to God, and also you found that Christ is the truth...do you belive now then in the Trinity? and do you talk to God or Jesus? Do you use his name Jehovah? I ask as as i pray now i actually dont know who i am supposed to talk to?!

    I believe in God, and Jesus but have done some research...some believe that obviously all are one, and therefore you are talking to Jesus?

    I feel comfortable talking to 'Jehovah'. Is this because its all i have known and i have been misguided? I just want to know what happens now? are the basic teachings correct, i believe there has to be something better than this life, and some hope to give my children, but im not sure what now...only that they can keep reading the bible and take from it what they want and keep talking to God. Surely a loving God would not view me as wicked for feeling this way?

  • read good books
    read good books

    Just curious as to why you would choose the Mormon Church? They also seem to me to be kind of an extreme group, why not a more laid back church if any?

  • tec

    Bez - I had a hard time with who I'm supposed to be praying to. (and to be honest, occasionally I still do - but I trust that God will guide me to get it right) I do not believe in the trinity, though i acknowledge that perhaps I could be wrong. But no, right now, no I don't, and I don't think that will change. At the same time, the JW version of the trinity is not right either.

    Someone once said that the trinity was MAN's best attempt to define the nature of God. That doesn't mean it is the nature of God. I don't dwell on the trinity anymore, because it is not proven one way or the other. I dwell on what Jesus taught - by word and example. And when I have doubts about what I'm doing, I refer back to Him. (Christ)

    To answer your question, I mostly pray to my Father in heaven (God, Jesus' Father - I was never comfortable with Jehovah - not a born in, never actually joined.) I also sometimes pray to Christ (Jesus) - sometimes I'm very comfortable with this/sometimes not. But I think I'm allowed to make mistakes. In either case, I follow Christ - which is the same as following his Father. I try to use His teachings and love, forgiveness and mercy, to guide me.


  • nugget

    Welcome to board we have had to think about similar issues with our children. Remember that you are only responsible for your choices and cannot be held responsible for other peoples decisions.

    When we decided to exit we decided that our children would be able to celebrate birthdays and holidays. The non celebration has less to do with bible prohibition and more to do with isolating and excluding members of the religion from their peers and possible wordly contacts. It does more harm to our children turning them into social cripples than by allowing them normal interactions.

    To hold fast to the birthday prohibition serves no benefit. This is a time when you have to put your own children first rather than worry about the sensibilities of others. Part of leaving is building a new life with new friendships and new values.

    I explained to my daughter that people who were her friends in the organisation may behave differently because they were taught that friendship was a conditional thing. She must remember that a good friend is always there for the other person whether they realise that or not. We don't give up on people just because they do not share our beliefs but we have to respect that other people may need time to adjust. For the time being focus on those that need our friendship more at present.

    It is tough because even very young children display the classic cult mentality and quite frankly it is harder to watch my children being belittled by their witness friends than seeing them have fun at a party.

    Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

  • nelly136

    I have kinda prayed that God would show me what he wants me to do..

    well maybe if you look at it from another angle maybe you got the answer just not in the way you expected?

    do you want your childrens social life and treatment held to ransom based on what you do or dont believe?

    if you like the idea of god and praying then it neednt depend on a religion or a publishing company to tell you how and to who,

    if there is an all seeing all dancing god up there then its getting prayers popped from a lot of places into one big inbox.

    as for your kids, theyre young, as others have said they'll adjust (probably faster than you will especially if you dont waver back and forth cos then it would just mess with their heads) have a bowling night with some school friends or something that will break the ice and show theyre up for invitations and friends round.

    if your husband is happy to leave with you, thats a bonus cos you won't be on your own.

  • goldensky

    Dear bez, first of all, welcome to this board!

    Secondly, don't worry about your daughter: she'll be perfectly allright. As other posters have said, she'll soon make new friends and won't miss her current ones at all. I left the organization one year ago and told my two kids -then aged 10 and 7- we'd not be going to the Hall any more because I had developed serious doubts, and I can assure you they adjusted in just a matter of weeks, even though "the truth" was all they had known all their life. They are nowadays happy, well-balanced kids, totally adapted to the "outside" world and with a much wider variety of friends than when we were restricted to the Witness world. It's me now who has to catch up with them in my getting used to this new planet! Ha, ha!

    As for your beliefs, don't worry too much, just do whatever feels right to you. I still pray to Jehovah, although the content of my prayers has gradually changed. I'm not even sure whether He exists or not, but I still love him. Each one of the posters here is on a personal journey whose outcome none of us knows and we just have to flow along and enjoy the happiness of having been set free.

    I'll be looking forward to learning more about you. All the best to you. OLGA.

  • bez

    Thanks again for all your answers, its a breath of fresh air actually being able to talk about my feelings without feeling doomed!

    Nelly, i do feel as tho maybe this is the answer God is giving me...or my brain...one way or the other something feels better than it did a few months ago or years ago even!

    I know my kids will adjust, as you say probably much much quicker than me and my husband.

    Tammy i feel as you do, for now i will continue to pray in a way i feel best at the time, but yes, Christ obviously is our example and i do wish to follow his example and be the best person/mother i can be.

    Nugget, i really appreciate your post. Having made the decision to leave i do want to celebrate my childrens birthdays etc as i dont want them missing out.. why did we not anyway? because of there pagan origin ? But if this is the case then why is it ok to wear a wedding band? a wedding vail? Have bridesmaids? Have meetings on a Sunday...all of which originate from pagan times and have some pagan conatation. I am obviously not responsible for anyone else's children but my own child said she feels sorry for them as she is sure they would like to come to her birthday but its only cus their mums and dads dont let them... still i understand and respect everyones decision, at the end of the day thats all i am wanting from people.

  • nelly136

    **my own child said she feels sorry for them as she is sure they would like to come to her birthday but its only cus their mums and dads dont let them**

    smart kid you got there

  • flipper

    BEZ- Welcome to the board ! Nice to have you here. It's understandable that you may have feelings of inadequacy or guilt at times after exiting the witnesses. It was HOW we were trained and controlled inside the organization by the WT society. Anything that makes us feel free and happy makes us feel guilty, right ? LOL ! So don't berate yourself for guilt feelings - they will go away in time. You are doing the right thing in finding freedom for your husband, daughter, and yourself - without the mind control of Jehovah's Witnesses.

    In regards to your daughter having friends- perhaps you might get to know some mothers at her school and make arrangements to have the mother and some of their daughters over to your house for tea or coffee and see how the children interact ? Only way to make friends is to put ourselves out there . You will find non-witness friends much more accepting of you and caring in an unconditional way. I know I have since exiting the witnesses 7 years ago. Hang in there. Things get better with time, I promise

  • exwhyzee
    This is despite the fact they are allowed to play with there non witness friends who live down the road....WHY??

    You are trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense.

    We always did something privately as a family on our boys birthdays and still do. We never told anyone until recently, that we did this, because of the concequences that would have resulted .

    Witnesses will welcome complete strangers ( who've have done or are still doing, God knows what) into the hall and befriend them just to get them into the "Truth" While at the same time shunning a family member who at 18 decided they didn't want to be a Witness. This is the case in my Wife's family. Her sister left home and the truth at 18 and for the last 30 years has been shunned and excluded from family events yet all the "worldly" cousins who are living with boyfriends,smoke,drink etc...are welcomed with open arms. It makes no sense.

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