CO picked the wrong "old lady" to say this to!

by clarity 64 Replies latest jw friends

  • caliber

    found this mildly amusing and also sad ... "engineering a divorce"

    I know this because for two decades my mother was a single sister (after she engineered a divorce from my father)
    If a single brother just wants to socialize, grab a burger or a movie the hall looks for a marriage proposal. WAY too much pressure for a light breezy "date" or innocent socialization.

    what are your opinions on these following WT rules for separation

    Willful nonsupport is one basis for separation. When entering wedlock, a husband assumes the responsibility of providing for his wife and any children they may have. The man who does not provide for members of his household “has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Timothy 5:8) So separation is possible if there is willful nonsupport. Of course, appointed elders should give careful consideration to an accusation that a Christian is refusing to support his wife and family. Stubborn refusal to support one’s family may result in disfellowshipping.

    Extreme physical abuse is another basis for separation. Suppose an unbelieving mate often gets drunk, becomes enraged, and causes the believer physical harm. (Proverbs 23:29-35) Through prayer and by displaying the fruitage of Jehovah’s spirit, the believer may be able to prevent such outbursts and make the situation endurable. But if the point is reached where the health and life of the abused mate actually are in jeopardy, separation would be allowable Scripturally. Again, congregation elders should look into charges of physical abuse when two Christians are involved in the troubled marriage, and disfellowshipping action may have to be taken.—Compare Galatians 5:19-21; Titus 1:7.

    Absolute endangerment of spirituality also provides a basis for separation. The believer in a religiously divided home should do everything possible to take advantage of God’s spiritual provisions. But separation is allowable if an unbelieving mate’s opposition (perhaps including physical restraint) makes it genuinely impossible to pursue true worship and actually imperils the believer’s spirituality. Yet, what if a very unhealthy spiritual state exists where both mates are believers? The elders should render assistance,

    what would be your alternative to these rules if any ?

  • clarity

    So very right!

    Had an elder tell me "brothers were intiminated by me" ..huh?


    Couldn't figure that one out at the time, because the way

    elders are presented as being "so worthy" and powerful..

    ...then how could they possibley be so 'weak' ?


    One other thing that makes a single sisters life extra

    difficult, & most don't realize, is the fact that .........

    brothers (married) will see a newly single sister & think

    his chances are pretty good of 'scoring'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Very often this brother will be a friend of the family.

    So not only do singles have enough trouble to deal with, there is

    this kind of irritating & almost stalking behavior.

    You can lose a best friend because of the 'husbands'

    embarrassing behavior!


    >Btw ...this is not just hearsay

  • LongHairGal


    You described my scenario pretty much to a "T". Also, with regard to being "intimidating" to brothers: I am certainly no Hillary Clinton. But, apparently, a woman who is well-spoken and with confidence who doesn't do housecleaning is intimidating to certain people there.


    You are so right that a single woman can lose a friend because somebody's man was looking at her. You can end up being hated for something you NEVER did. BTW, this happens in the world as well. But, it is an especially low blow when it happens among "the happiest people on earth".

    Don't miss them one bit.

  • goatshapeddemon

    Balaam / long hair / clarity : this was my experience too. Educated. Independent. Well-spoken. Good job. "spiritual". No bro who wasnt already intimidated was willing to come near me because the elders watched over me like a hawk and the second any brother from somewhere my reputation didn't precede me showed any interest, they were on him like ugly on a duck expecting him to make things official before date #1.

    my heart breaks for the sisters who are still in and still searching. There were times I wished i was dead. I remember how incredibly lonely I was, and convinced I would be alone forever, and no amount of "god bless the single sisters" made one iota of difference. There was a worldly guy once (that even my uber-staunch jw parents liked), but we knew the drill. He had to become a jw, and ultimately I couldn't take the pressure or scrutiny. He would've become jw for me...and I didn't want that either. God I hate that religion!!

    I went through a terrible set of heartaches before I finally found my husband, and I was "old" for a jw girl - people had started writing me off. Wish we could save all the young bros and sisters who just want to be loved.


  • prologos

    whathappened, stillin, even if there is a divorce for adultery the suffering of unfulfilled needs can go on because of WT BtS inc rules.

    If the innocent ( wronged) partner (like Uriah) does not agree, the offending former mate (Bathsheba) can not remarry.

    I remember a handsome, gentle Brother ( a real catch) that was kept hanging in the wind for years by his former, resentful, unforgiving wife, using this WT BtS inc rule to punish him.

    May be that why david had Uriah killed. he was anticipating theocratic rule.

    It is a cruel world in the congregations, even worse among those that advocate untrammeld evolution, survival and breeding of the fittest and most attractive only.

    You have only one life to live. reject control, live it as happy as you can.


  • LisaRose

    Clarity, thank you so much for your original post years ago. I was not single, however those who said singleness *might* sometimes be better than a bad marriage were right, although I could see how that could be small comfort to those who yearned for a mate. I converted at 13, married by 18, to a brother who got disfellowshipped in two years. Spent 28 unhappy years, the brothers told me I had to stay, and so I did, until I was mentally, emotionally and physically unable to go on. Now I read about the "engineered divorce", I wasn't the kind of person who could lie my way to a divorce, my ex husband's dad was an elder, I wouldn't have gotten away with it.

    So I went on, a nothing in the congregation because I was a woman and my husband was disfellowshipped. It was amazing I lasted as long as I did. How long can someone go on with no real friends or social contact, except at work, friends I wasn't supposed to have?

    So I left, and married the great guy I wouldn't date in high school because he wasn't a dub. That was 12 years ago, it was the best decision I ever made. This religion made fools of us all, we believed what we were told, but better late than never. I am only happy I found love and happiness when I did. Whether single or married, I would rather be free than in an organization like that. Part of the problem for single women, is that this organization only values men. Your value is only as good as the man you are married to. The sad story about the woman who sat outside the party, because she wasn't invited, tells it all. These days, in other churches, women are ministers! Even lesbians! Imagine that, you don't need a man to be important!

  • clarity

    Sorry I had to be off line for awhile .... never thought

    I would be back here after 2 years talking about this again

    but thanks to caliber ... here we are!

    Kinda like a pot of stew, the flavour is richer the next day.


    Your words are a real pick-up ... I am sure all those reading them

    tonite feel your support as I do too.

    To all who are hurting & lonely & overlooked ... for whatever reason,

    this post is for you.


    To all who wrote these healing words, you have touched my heart.

    Thanks caliber,wha happened, LongHairGal, Kurt, What happened,

    stillin, Balaam, goatshapeddemon, prologos & LisaRose(u mademecry).


  • Scott77

    This is a great thread. However, I wish the headline would have been otherwise. clarity, no offense to you. May be "A tribute to unmarried, single sisiters" Just a thought.


  • pearlsister

    Clarity :

    I hope you feel better regarding being single in the org. I got scold by a CO in a get together lunch for having a husband out of the org. They had no idea what I went trough on my own. I just kept my mouth close since I did not want to start a fight . I wish they put themselvs in others people shoes and stop being judjumental.

    VEry sad the story about that's just awful.

  • clarity

    Pearlsister .... hi, I see that this is your first post.

    A great big welcome to you!.


    Thanks for your words on here, this is a post from

    2 years ago that was brought back a few days ago.


    So nice to touch this subject again, as I suspect there

    are probably a lot of lurkers who feel the futility of a

    single jw life! .....especially the "large army of women"!


    I am still unattached yes, but my mind is free of all that..

    'wait untill the new world, do more do more' ...then you won't

    notice how sterile & barren your world is.


    Not sitting on a shelf somewhere in a KH with a 100 others waiting for a

    jehovah brother to come along.


    Finally realized ....when the WT says "marry only in the

    lord" doesn't mean "only in the watchtower"!!!!!

    lol lol lol lol


    So, Pearl ... plse post your ideas or story on a new thread,

    tell us about yourself ......being careful not to reveal too

    many specific details .... if you are afraid of being 'outed'.


    You will see at the top of the page New Topic. Pick

    your category to post on.


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