I was prompted to join this site as I got a knock on the door a couple of days ago.
No, when I went door knocking 20 years ago - although admittedly I was a child - the sales patter went like this. ahem..
"Hello. We are speaking to you today to tell you about the Watchtower and Awake. The Watchtower is about (show front page with picture of violence or world blowing up on) the terrible state the world is in. Wouldn't you agree that the state of things now are just getting worse and worse? (good closed question). Well (opening magazine to pages 2 to 5) here are some statistics to show how terrible it all is. Did you know the bible predicted all this (quote scripture on page 3 or 4)?. But the good news we are bringing today is that God means to bring this all to an end at armageddon and return the earth to paradise (show picture on page 6 or 7 of some middle class people with a few token foreigners all with excellent skin in a garden with children cuddling a lion). The awake is about (some vaguely interesting but unrelated topic). If you would like them they are 35 pence for one or 70 pence for the two (just in case you cannot do maths)."
Now, all this worked quote well. No one ever bought them but still it made some sort of (limited) sense
When Jehovah came knocking the other day I got this (some of it paraphrased of course but I have a pretty good memory for conversation as I need to for my job).
(old man dressed with one of those russian hats and thick coats on. He looked like a retired member of the KGB in winter in Moscow. It was roasting hot. He had a magazine open with a small picture of a jewish looking man writing on a scroll).
Me: Hello
JW: (no hello). Did you know that the dead sea scrolls have shown how accurate the bible has been passed down to generations. (well to be fair, this was mumbled but that was the essence of it). Don't you think that is amazing? I just wanted to share that with you.
Me:
Me:
Me::::::
Me: Who are you? (knowing full well of course)
JW: We (notice the plural when there was only one) are Jehovahs' Witnesses.
Me: Right. And what do you believe then (Trying not to chuckle in a Muttley type way)
JW: Ah, well ... mumble mumble... We believe that we have to spread the word of Jesus mumble mumble. Don't you think that the world is just terrible and things are getting worse all the time? (ah, resorting to the closed question)
Me: No.
JW: Sorry? (slightly taken aback. This is not in the script). So you don't think that there is more suffering now that you hear about all the time?
Me: No.
JW: (I live in a nice house by the sea) Have you ever lived on a council estate?
Me: Yes. I grew up on one. Then I lived in a rough part of Hull. Then I lived in the red light area of Bristol.
JW: Well, aren't they awful!
Me: No.
JW: Have you ever had a brick through your window?
Me:
Me:?
Me: No. But you live on a council estate and have had a brick through your window haven't you?
JW: Yes.
Me: I am sorry about that. But if things are so bad can you please tell me another time in history when you would want to have lived? Because I can't
JW: What do you mean?
Me: Well if things are so much worse now can you tell me when you would want to have lived? If I was born 100 years ago I would be down a mine now with maybe another 10 years to live. My son would be probably up a chimney developing lung disease. We would both be illiterate. I have access to healthcare based upon my need and not ability to pay (well in this country anyway. This might sound a bit of a wierd phrase but I am an economist who does lots of work in health), education and opportunity. We have not had a major war in 65 years. I cannot think of anytime I would rather have lived.
JW: But did you know (opening a magazine with a picture of the earth with what looks like a flame going through it - I had not seen it before) that (quoting) there are 9382 (cannot remember exact number) of nuclear bombs in the world. That is terrifying don't you think?
Me: No. How many have been dropped in the past 65 years?
JW: Well, lots in the desert and in the Pacific.
Me: No, how many have been dropped on people?
JW:
Me: None. I don't like nuclear bombs but I am not scared of them. I would have been far more worried living in London during the blitz
JW: Ah, well I lived through the blitz and it was a wonderful time!
Me:
Me:
And so it went on. He carried on for about five minutes talking bunk about the blitz spirit with bleary eyes and how he nearly been blown up by a V2 rocket.
Me: (thinking I better help him along here). Who will be saved when the world ends then (thinking surely he must be cottening on that I know too much)
JW: Those that have faith in Jehovah.
Me: That will be the JWs then.
JW: I wouldn't like to say but I think so yes.
Me: God must be racist then.
JW: Why?
Me: How many chinese Jehovahs are there?
JW: I don't know. But when Russia was allowed to worship again there were 7,000 people baptized at the first assembly
Me: (thinking he must suspect something with the terminology he is using) Sorry, 'baptized'. You mean like christened?
JW: No, nothing like christening. It is when someone wants to dedicate their life to Jehovah.
Me: So not children then.
JW: Definately not! Only when someone is old enough to know what dedication to Jehovah means. There are a few younger ones baptized but it is never encouraged.
Me: (Baptized at 11 after being coerced). Thanks. I have to go now.
JW: Would you like a magazine?
Me: No, I have enough junk mail as it is. What is your website?
JW: Oh, you don't want to go on the internet?
Me: (?)
JW: We do have a website I will get you the address.
Me: I will just google you
JW: You don't want to do that. There are 40 sites with people who hate and lie about us!
Me: Why would anyone want to hate you? Oh wait, are you the ones that were on panaroma a while ago about hiding paedophiles? Or was that the Mormons. No. No it was you wasn't it.
JW: Were not the catholic church. We dissfellowship people who do that sort of thing. It is going to bankrupt the catholoc church you know.
Me: Right. I think I will just google you. Nice to speak to you. Bye.
I know this is a bit rambling but when he left I thought how on earth do they think they are ever going to convert anybody with that load of tripe? I mean, his opening lines were just weird. It made me feel very happy actually. I cannot believe they are getting any new converts if they are all as good as him. I suppose I will have been noted as 'didn't take magazine but interesting discussion. Showed interest and should return in a few weeks'. Please come back!