At the end of my rope :(

by tec 58 Replies latest jw friends

  • mkr32208

    Maybe you should get some counseling? We're just as professional as the elders are I mean anything we tell you is just amateur circle jerking...

  • wantstoleave

    Oh sweetheart ((hugs)) My heart aches for you. You are going through kind of what I went through with my ex. No matter how badly he treated me or the kids, I still stayed. But you will reach a saturation point when you will decide to leave and be done with it. I am not sure you've reached it yet...but you will. I hadn't reached the saturation point when my ex left, but I was close. I just didn't see any way possible that I could leave and take the kids, so I stayed. Thankfully he made the decision for me and it was the best thing that could've happened, even though it was heartbreaking.

    My ex had me working full time and caring for the littlies and the home, while he lazed around the house. He worked on and off but never enough to actually support us. He wanted me to put him through school, yet I suffer from a chronic illness and was working myself to the bone, while caring for 2 children under 2. I kept on working and supporting the family, and developed pneumonia not once, but twice. The ex wouldn't let me rest, kept pushing me until push came to shove and I resigned from my position. I couldn't take it anymore, the working 24/7 practically and caring for him and 2 children while dealing with my own illness.

    His view was 'your parents can support us'. No matter how much I begged him to realise that it was he and I that should be supporting us, not my family. I never pushed him, never nagged...just tried to persuade him to get a job and help out. I even suggested part time work, so he could go to school but he wouldn't have it. So he took himself off to school full time while we suffered financially. I could write a book on the emotional abuse he put me through and maybe one day I will. He just saw NO need to support his family, or at least help me support them.

    You sound like an amazing woman, and very, very strong. Don't ever forget that! You are articulate and clever and for goodness sake, wrote a book...that is amazing!!! Right now you need to focus on your own wellbeing, and that of your children. They do not need such a negative influence around (their father) when trying to deal with their own issues. If you can muster the strength and have support around you...leave him.

    What some men fail to remember and I think this is more witness men than others, is that providing for their family isn't only materially. It involves much more. My ex used to tell me that he wanted nothing to do with our children until they were at least 7yrs old. So he would literally shoo them away when they talked to him. He had no time for them whatsoever. He was a poor communicator, would never even make small talk and it drove me almost insane. I felt so lonely and isolated. He only seemed to want me for sex and if he wasn't getting it every single night, he would yell at me. Of course by the end of the marriage, I was in no rush to sleep with him given his attitude and treatment of me and the children. So that is probably why he left us. His usual every night sex dwindled to once a week and he hated that!

    I've only read first page of comments but had to reply straight away as I identify with you and sympathise completely. Just know that sooner or later you will reach the saturation point and will have the strength to go your own way. Meantime seek out help within the community. There are organisations who can help you get on your feet and perhaps even find temporary accommodation if need be. If you go for divorce, you are entitled to half...even the house, so try not to worry about that right now. In the end it will all work out :)

  • tec

    Thank you everyone for your suggestions and words of support. You have made me chuckle, shown me that I'm not alone and that many of you have gone through and survived similar things as this. I've read all your pm's too, thank you, but its late here and I need to get some sleep. I work on Sundays or I could have replied sooner. I'll write again tomorrow.

    Love and peace to you all.


  • Hadit

    Tammy - I'm so sorry to hear of all your heartaches. My thoughts are with you. I've read many of your other posts and, as I mentioned before, you are such a loving and kind person. You deserve so much more. You deserved to be cherished and appreciated. I truly hope things work out for you. My heart goes out to your son as well.

    Sending hugs.

  • snowbird

    Oh (((((((Tammy))))))).

    I'm just getting back to the board from the weekend. I see you've been given so many helpful suggestions and good advice, so I'll just echos this: Please take care of yourself first.

    That's why my husband and I are not together; it was all about him and his wishes.

    Please know that your friend from the boondocks of Alabama is rooting for you.

    You are in my heart and prayers.

    Lots of love and peace to you, sweetums.


  • undercover

    Sorry to hear of your troubles... I don't have any great words of wisdom, though I wish I did. Just letting you know that I saw this and hope things get better...

    Don't forget to take care of yourself while working so hard to please others...

  • Quillsky

    Tammy, well done on opening up. It's such a good first step to changing your situation, and I'm sure just typing out your feelings helped you to clarify your thoughts.

    mkr said.....

    Maybe you should get some counseling? We're just as professional as the elders are I mean anything we tell you is just amateur circle jerking...

    I completely disagree that professional support is equivalent to this type of online group "counselling", which involves many intimate and personal stories and anecdotes, and much heartfelt support. This very different from detached professional advice, and a world away from religious advice.

    You go girl - you're bright and loving and you'll go far if you stay in touch with your true feelings.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    I just don't understand men like wantstoleave's husband. If a husband isn't helping around the house, providing emotional support, or bringing in money... none of those things, not even one... what the hell does a woman need him for. Frankly, for the one thing he does, he could be replaced by a battery operated device and she would be much happier.

  • snowbird
    Frankly, for the one thing he does, he could be replaced by a battery operated device and she would be much happier.


  • VoidEater

    Tammy: Your husband is a classic narcissistic personality. He needs professional help, both in couples therapy and on his own.

    Take careful measure of what you need to be happy, and go forward. Life is too short to be trapped with a crazy person who, on top of it all, can't appreciate you as a person, a partner, a mother.

    Don't dream it - be it - and find happiness...

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