I would like to hear your experiences with being SHUNNED

by jwfacts 71 Replies latest jw experiences

  • blondie

    When we were still in and my husband was an elder, certain individuals would walk out of their way to avoid talking to us at the KH.

    I started standing by the exit (only one, rest were fire exits) to say hello. Shocked them to no end, forced them to say hello.

    We couldn't get them to tell us what we had done to offend them....

    What a cold, cruel group.

    We have "faded" and are inactive but many jws at least say hi and a few drop a mild complaint about their jw life.

    jws are directed not to have contact with df'd or da'd jws but some carry it further and shun inactive jws the same way.

    I know some get great joy out of doing it, feeling it exalts them in God's eyes....jws love to judge people!

  • Free yet lonely
    Free yet lonely

    Very true Blondie - "jws love to judge people!" it really came as a shock how people in the real world do not judge and scathe as the joho friends and associates did.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Wow. I feel the pain. Some of these experiences are so heart rending, so as to almost bring tears to my eyes as I type.

    I have experienced terrible shunning in my life also, though it does not compare to some of that related here. Still, it is quite like [as mentioned previously] a dagger to my heart each time it happens. The emotions roil in me - anger, frustration, intense sadness. I will relate a few that come immediately to mind:

    • My absolute best friend in the world, ever, was my cousin. We were seemingly linked at the hips. Where you saw one, you saw the other. This was pretty much always the case [except for a few years in which we lived in different geographic locations] since we were in our teens. So, when I left at 48, I suppose our 'cousin-best-friendship' had exceeded 35 years. Of course all of time was time that we both were Jehovah's Witnesses, having been raised that way. When I found the 'truth about the truth' in late 2003, I immediately summoned Rick and we spent most of night walking about town, talking about the things I had discovered. I found it strange that his reaction was to remain non-plussed by these things - whereas I knew at that moment that I was forever done with Jehovah's Witnesses. I remained 'inactive' fader for the next three years, but the shunning began immediately by him. I began to notice that emails, phone calls, and visits were rare, and in fact, on a couple of occasions I knew he was home, but would not answer the door. I would send emails for weeks at a time, only to have them disappear into cyberland with no reply. Over time he would occasionally be 'cornered' by me, on Face-book, or by email, or in person, and he would always promise that he was not 'shunning' me, nor would he. Then as soon as he said that - boom - gone again. This went on for months and then for years. Our relationship is gone now. Over. I basically severed the cord this time. It still hurts, but the on again, off again nature of his shunning was too painful.
    • My second-best friend, was an elder, Jim, whom I had actually studied with and converted to the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses around 1980. When I first read Ray's books, other than what I had shared with Rick [above], I kept quiet and tried to fade. Rick was in a different congo, and I did not suspect [and still don't] that he ever made an effort to 'out' me in my congregation. So basically, no one here had any idea why I was absent from the meetings - and this should have been very odd to them after 40 years a very strong Jw, pioneer and part of the servant body. Jim lived a few blocks away and would ride his bicycle past my house nearly every day. I started to notice that I would be out in the yard, or sitting on my porch, and he would go by without so much as looking my way. Eventually he went by on the other side of the street. He would either completely ignore me, or when I yelled a greeting, he would just raise his hand, looking forward and peddle past as if preoccupied. I was not Da'd yet - no one had counseled me for negative actions - he just took it upon himself to judge me. Later of course, when I DA'd, we bumped into each other occasionally, and he would of course shun me with disdain in his eyes. Jim was always a thin guy with stomach problems. Stress of any sort would give him a fast bout with diarrhea. He has shown hatefulness toward me now for 7 years - I hope the next time I see him he just literally shits his pants.

    I have many others. The list goes on and on and on. I have to pass. Too painful to write.


  • snowbird

    (((((((AK - Jeff)))))))


  • babygirl30

    boyzone - WOW! That's all I can say...that letter was so DEEP and full of emotion!!! Beautifully written and truly explains how 'trifflin' shunning really is.

  • undercover

    I'm faded. Haven't been to a regular meeting in several years, conventions/assemblies even longer. I go to the odd Memorial if I can't schedule an out of town trip that coincides with the date...

    I have to say that most JWs that I know still speak, are civil, even friendly. There may be a little tension in that they know I'm inactive and acting wordly but they put on the best face they can. Occasionally some dubs will avoid me, if they were to see me in a store or something...but to be fair, if I see them first, I avoid them. I just don't wanna fool with em... It's best for both us to just go our seperate ways.

    But this one experience did happen. It was obvious enough shunning that I posted a thread about it sometime back. Here's the original post unedited from that thread:

    As most of ya'll know, I'm not DFd or DAd, just faded and I've commented about how I still have some contact with some JWs that I used to associate with. Only on rare occassions do JWs that I didn't know that well to begin with treat me as persona non grata...no big deal, I usually couldn't remember their names to begin with so it wasn't like I was being shunned by family or friends.

    This story begins at the mall, where I was with my wife (*SBM), not my favorite place to be...but the sacrifices we have to make sometimes...you married guys know...

    Anyhoo, we're in a common area near the food court, deciding if we wanted to get a snack or just hold out for real food in a real restaurant somewhere else, when a "sister" we've known for years spots my wife and comes up. We've known this person for over 20 years...we go way back. I was good friends with her when we were young, we even dated a couple of times, unbeknownst to my wife, who I met later.

    This "sister" sees my wife and excitedly hurries over to hug and they get into an animated conversation over some nonsense...all the while I'm standing there and not one word of hello or even an acknowledgment of my existence. Then the husband wanders over with his Starbucks coffee in hand. We know him, but not as well as the wife. He offers a warm greeting to my wife and ignores me. Not to be rude of course(wink wink), I extend my hand and say, "Hey, hows it going - it's been awhile..." He reluctantly shakes my hand and says, "I'm fine, thank you" and goes back to sipping his Starbucks. Noticing this exchange, the wife gives me a sideways glance, says, "oh hey" and turns right back to my wife, not even giving me a chance to return the greeting.

    I stood there the length of the conversation watching the young hot things cruising the mall while the three of them continued on with their boring conversation that I was not a part of. I did catch snippets of typical JW talk..."convention coming up", "CO coming", etc. I dare say I enjoyed my voyuerism much more than I would have enjoyed their conversation.

    The couple finished their conversation with my wife, said their goodbyes, exluding me of course, and off went the happy JW couple, sipping Starbucks and looking so smug in their righteousness.

    I wasn't hurt so much as confused and a little amused. Not having seen these people in years and not even being in the same congregation with them when I became inactive, I have to wonder just how much is whispered about me amongst old associates and friends...

    Ah, cult behavior, so quaint and charming, don't you think?

    *SBM - still believing mate

  • jwfacts

    Some very sad stories.

    It is interesting that a lot of you are just faded, yet are getting shunned. I think that was an important factor with my wife. We were the social hub of our congregation, but once we started to become irregular at meetings we were just dropped from any social interaction. People assumed we were busy with our business, not that I was apostate, but already the shunning started.

    On one occasion after being d/f I walked into a shop and a JW I knew well was speaking with the cashier about a product. I did some browsing, not approaching her out of respect, but as soon as she saw me she bolted mid-conversation out the door. The cashier was completely perplexed, so I explained that I had been excommunicated by the JW religion and so the Witness was scared to be around me. It certainly may the JW look like a fool to the cashier. As much as I tried to laugh it off, it really cut me inside.

  • believingxjw

    I am shunned by most but not all. Some JWs come up at the meeting and say hello and give a hug.

  • cyberjesus

    I have been out for 14 years. but it wasnt until last year that I found out the lies behind "the truth". At that moment I was talking to my cousin who was also DFd and was planning to return to the JW. this happened right in the middle of my research on the religion. The sad part is that the day I realized it was all a lie I contacted him (he lives in Mexico and I in the US) and right before we started our weekly chat he advised me that he had been reinstated and that he could no longer chat with me anymore.

    Also I have an uncle who has been Dfd 3 times for a variety of reasons, he has done it all you name it. in my JW family he was considered the worst of the worst. When I realized the falsehood of the JW religion I made a purpose to talk to him. I went to visit him. He usually is either drugged or drunk. I went with him to the liquor store he borrow 12 dollars to buy a bottle of Vodka, (that he drank in less than an hour) as we were chatting he said that he still respected Jehovah and that no matter what he would always pray before any meals and that he understood that he was a sinner but that in his heart he loved his creator. Since I was new to the whole thing I inmediately told him all my findings about the WT within 2 hours. Then I left after assuring him that he didnt have to feel guilty anymore and that I was going to do my best to be in touch with him.

    When I left he told my other uncles that I was under the control of satan. He stopped answering my calls and my texts and removed me as his friend in facebook :-)

    I have more than 50 family members in the Borg so the stories are countless.

  • man in black
    man in black

    I have been DAed for two years now.

    The actual DAing process was somewhat of a re;ief for me, and I have not seen much of the local witnesses at all.

    Funny thing, when I'm out driving and I see groups doing fs, I slow down, beep and wave as I drive away.

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