Was searching my archives on some older threads I started and thought since this one got a lot of hits and interest it would be good for newer exiting JW members to read these stories of how some of us experienced abusive stalking after stopping attending meetings. Enjoy. All comments welcome
Were you Stalked or Chased After Once you Exited the JW's by Elders ?
Not myself personally but at age14:(51 years ago) My cousiins and I all JWs watched Elders staking out a man who we didn't ever know hqd been a JW. This was a 3 oclock in the afternoon as we were walkiing home from school. We thought they loked ridiclous. Another friend was staked out after she seperated from her JW husband she finally told them she was guilty of adultry even tho it was a lie to have some peace.
I wasn't really stalked, as finding me didn't require any effort by the elders, since I live 5 minutes down the road from a Kingdom Hall. I got a visit from elders or at least a check-in from them maybe every September since I left? They want to know if I have any desire to be reinstated and if so, if I know what the procedure is. It's pathetically predictable. I get that it's their job, they're instructed to follow up with people they've thrown to the wolves and ask if they want to be brought back to the wolfpack (not a contradiction somehow, trust me), but one would think they would use some elder-brain judgment about it.
It's amounted to mild annoyance or upset over just seeing these people who sort of traumatized me in their judicial committee. Especially the chairman--it seems like he has a nearly personal thing against me, you know? I can't figure why, since he never even got to know me at all before the committee since I was new to their congregation.
I can't tell if he might've invented a scenario where I was this abusive, womanizing husband who had previously seduced my wife into premarital sex and then commanded her never to tell the elders for fear of some dire consequence from me. That kind of thought could easily surface when you don't know someone, and I don't know what the elders from my old KH said if they wrote a letter about me when I moved. One would think it was horrible, despite having served faithfully for nearly two decades without serious sin up until then.
I'm just grasping for straws here, but it's just that at the end of the judicial committee, when he was discussing my fate with the other elders, I've honestly never in my life heard an elder sound so pissed off, literally shouting down the other two elders. I can't help thinking he wanted to dive over the table and throttle me for having the audacity to question the organization.
To my knowledge, though, only thing they do is keep calling back on me every year to see if I've finally gotten tired of my undying spiritual thirst and want to come on back to the desert...
OODAD and Flipper:
Since that strange message several months back where a JW friend asked if I were "available" to come out with her and some elder, I have heard nothing.
In fact, I never even mentioned it to her and she has never brought it up even though we have seen each other a few times since then. Did she instigate it by talking about me? Or, did they pump her for information about me, a twelve-year fader? I feel no desire to meet with anybody and do not acknowledge their authority and am wise to their "fishing expeditions".
With this particular girlfriend, it is a don't ask and don't tell kind of relationship. At least she knows she can be herself with me and I am not judging her like the other phonies in the hall. I am more of a true friend to her than they will ever be.
If I hear anything further from the control freaks, I will let you know.
Ah, but here's an interesting story that just got jogged in my memory. My mom was stalked by a JW elder, back when she was still fairly new amongst them. The elder apparently followed her to her mother's house (my grandmother's house), and was concerned she might've been visiting some random man, but I guess once he realized that wasn't the case, he moved on. To my knowledge she was never directly confronted about it, but it was evident to her that this elder was following her. Kinda creepy, in hindsight. Really creepy, in fact.
Funny. I remembered asking her once, "You're telling me that in the 20+ years you've been in, you haven't seen anything that seemed out of place?" No, she said. I guess being stalked by an elder must not have readily come to her mind in that moment, but certainly we'd seen our share of weird stuff together over the past two decades. Ah, well.
GMA-TIRED2- Wow. Interesting experience. Thanks for sharing. Yeah, it's amazing how intrusive the elders become if thy think someone is committing a DFing offense - they are like eagle eyes watching every move.
SD-7- I know how you feel about having certain elders have something against you. I had an elder do something similar to me in late 2003 when I stopped attending meetings. This one particular elder REALLY had something against me and tried to form a JC on me for just having coffee at a Starbucks with a lady. I was separated not divorced yet- but divorce was pending. I guess they accused me of having sex in a Starbucks restroom or something. LOL ! Who knows ? They are such dildo brains its not funny.
Thats really scary about the elder following your mom though. Some of these elder guys are so creepy they'd scare Dracula and Frankenstein, I swear.
LONGHAIRGAL- Very interesting, yeah I think the elders may have been randomly asking her about you. So even though you THINK you know her well - if she's an active JW it's hard to totally trust these people because their loyalties are divided. On the one hand they are told they have to be faithful to the organization and report anything amiss with someone they know who may be an inactive JW and their cult personality responds to that direction- but on the other hand they may want to be your friend and may show you glimpses of an authentic non-cult personality , but you never know when they will flip the switch and go back into cult personality mode.
Thats one reason why it's so difficult to talk to JW's because they are constantly flipping from the cult personality to the authentic personality back to the cult mode again. It's like playing freaking mental and emotional ping pong or something. Drives me nuts for sure. Just be careful my friend and don't reveal TOO much to this friend if you don't want her talking to elders and then sometime you get a surprise visit ! That would suck big time ! Peace out,Mr. Flipper