Try going to church, a real one.
I wish I could just not give a Sh!t about being an XJW!
by cyberjesus 40 Replies latest jw friends
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yknot
Brother CyberJesus.....all I can say is AMEN and TESTIFY!
IT is sooooooo strange hanging out with worldies! Sometimes their morality is refreshing other times their POVs make me feel like I am the most unlearned person on the planet.
Sure it is needed 'progress' but at times it can be painful, knowing you are beginning to cut major ties to your past. Stagnation is a comfortable rut!
One social activity at a time I suppose.
I kinda like JDs suggestions but at least in my experience this is a very slow road......considering other forms of 'organization'. I mean I really shouldn't still have these feelings, I attend regularly with my hubby at his Southern Baptist church(as well as the KH), they are nice people, similar values, have 'love' amongst themselves that is no where near the conditionality of our upbringing but the JW in me still expects the roof to fall in over my head and I still think 'worldly' when I hear certain interpretations, still have lingering 'them vs us' mentality..... than again a 'church' membership isn't all that different than signing up to a Salsa Dancing Club. Churches have long provided socialization hubs, and socializing is a major key to a healthy balance as we *gasp* grow old in this system of things.
In fact I have been seriously wrestling with that favored scriptured used by the WTS to beat us all into submission regarding 'gathering'.........
Which reminds me I really need to try and write Paul from Cleveland again ......(please send some encouraging prayers/ good vibes his way)
ARRRRGGGGGGG !!! It sucks, it hurts, it is scary but everyday I try a little harder than the last to keep walking forward, for so much as I love my family and KH family and a few of my childhood traditions ...... I know it is all based on a lie, a lie I don't wanna foster.
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jamiebowers
Do you have kids? Their activities should keep you busy if you get involved. If you have kids and you either avoided having them in this cult or got them out of this cult, you're a freakin' hero! Bask in that glory for a while and then go out and make friends with "worldly" people.
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moshe
Yes, the inner JW world can be intoxicating. I knew JW's who were part of the insiders circle and went to overseas assemblies and hosted Bethel bigshots in their Florida homes for winter vacations. They had all the inside scoop and everyone fawned over them at the KH. Being on the outside and being a regular joe who has to work at getting respect from the world is very hard. I don't have any JW family, so I can offer no help. My desire is that ex-JW's work to put an end to shunning and the false no-blood transfusion rules. Get that done and you can talk to your family again and help other familes, too- maybe even save a JW child's life. Good luck
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cyberjesus
Ideally it should be administerd by a mental health profession (I'm not saying that you are crazy).
Well but I am. This feel like a freaking nightmare. Just imagine that 50 of your relatives suddenly die in a bus accident... or in an earthquake? well thats how it feels.
Caligula: I live in Los Angeles and yes I am down for talking to someone. I myself think that going back in and fading is the best option but hell it would be hell to go trough a year of walking in the crap.
Leaving: yes I know. it just sometimes becomes too much of a burden. 15 years of isolation becomes part of you. Its funny I became quite known in the dancing world in these years and still i never really mixed with almost no-one. And I am talking people around the world. So no JWs no worldies. ONCE AGAIN F U W T ! F U C T R ! F U J & J !
Jamie: Yes I have two kids, and yes last year when we restarted attendance I took them with me. I set up a bible study with a couple publishers for them and the three of us were on our way in. We all went to last convention in Long Beach and along with at least 20 family members. When I discover the Sh!t I talk to my kids about it. My son Got really scared at first (13) my daughter who is really smart (11) got really happy. So now my Son says he doesnt believe in God and my daugther doesnt care. :-) So at least they are fine now. The problem is my Grandparents are still in and my kids dont even like visiting any family anymore.
Yes, the inner JW world can be intoxicating
Yes Moshe, I agree with it. The husband of my cousin has been for over 15 years the secretary of one of the members of the branch comittee (local GB) or at least thats how they feel. So I wouldnt be surprised if he becomes soon one of the comittee himself. Maybe they are reading this and know me by now. So here goes my go-back-fade attempt F U G B !
I am gonna write the whole story soon I am just lazy about it. Last year I freaking lost two houses because I didnt wanted to deal with the pressure and streess to deal with them and since the ARMAGEDDON was coming soo soon I said who cares about earthly possesions.... CAN YOU FING BELIEVE THAT. that was Fing $500k in cash or equity that I freaking lost ! FING RELIGION! and me Fing IDIOT! anyway. sorry I am just really upset at the whole situation.
And yes I just went to see a doctor cause I was getting depressed in the mornings and they gave some anti-depressants but I dont think they are working that much :-) but its been only one week. Is like I know I can do things and then when I am ready to do them I just cant make myself do them. Is a long story... anyway thanks for reading. At least you care to read more than my mom, who just said that she cant not email me or contact me anymore because I am an adult and only in necessary occasions... My own freaking Mother! Gosh darn it! How worst can it get...
Anyway no I am not suicidal. Life is too beautiful but sometimes is like you have just no energy. Religion is the worst disease of mankind!
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OnTheWayOut
I only have a few family members that are JW, my wife and my mother at the top of the list. If they came out, I would be pretty much able to fade away from ex-JW's as I did from the JW's. Even easier because I wouldn't have to watch my back. I could retain good ex-JW friends, but really just move away from meetups and the forum.
My wife would go through it for awhile as many in her family are JW, so we would probably maintain a faded JW lifestyle. Still, we are so far away from that part of the family that it wouldn't really change our daily lives to hide our activity from faraway relatives.
But that is not the reality I live in. My loved ones are still JW. I do give a sh!t about being an XJW.
Give yourself a break from the forum for short times, but also allow yourself to have your anxiety/grief/bitterness and work it out here. You have deep wounds and they still hold your loved ones captive.
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cyberjesus
OTW: I know you do. And I do too. Thats the whole problem that we do! I wish it all go away, sometimes it becomes tiresome, burdensome. but yeah I need a break, imagine that nothing happened and that I was never a JW and that I dont have any family. ah! lets see if that one works. Thanks for your comments
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gubberningbody
You can't fix it.
If I'd thought about staying in I'd have had to treat the whole thing like some kind of online RPG where you got points for things like pioneering, eldering and the like. There's no way I could treat it as if it was real.
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cantleave
I have just spent 2 days with my JW brother sorting my late father's affairs. He was continually talking about the f*ckig cult, slagging of "worldly" people and saying how wonderful Jehovah's people are. He spent hours eulagising about his wonderful 9 year son who does talks that sisters send letters of appreciation about (and is 6 months away from baptism).
He wanted to do the talk for my never been a witness father, whose first marriage broke up partly due to the cult, so that a witness could be made to the mourners.
My mum is always talking about her preaching activity in india and her relationship with the Bangalore Bethel.
The good news is, my mum lives 1000's of miles away and I only see brother when there is death in the family.
That is bad enough for me, to be in your position CJ would completely mess with my head, I really feel for you.
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nugget
You are right it is a mass bereavement when you are distanced from family members by a stupid cult. We lost one family member this week and it was bad enough.
You are doing the right thing by building a life and reaching out to others. It is hard to form new friendships without the JW frame of reference. People outside the org do manage when they emmigrate to build new lives and new relationships but they all acknowledge that it is hard work starting from scratch but worthwhile.
If you didn't care you wouldn't be human in your position I would be angry and frustrated.