I wish I could just not give a Sh!t about being an XJW! (page 4)

cyberjesus

Well, I guess its day by day... Last week I had one of my worst days and yesterday one of my best. I have in in anti-depressants for 2 weeks already and besides some side effects I didnt feel any real effects. However yesterday I was able to take actions, to actually do things. To ignore the problems and see them as just obstacles that only needed attention but that they werent that bad. :-) I dont know if the meds are working or not but maybe they are (i am always very skeptical)

I decided to give up on my idea of becoming an undercover spy and get back in and fade out... I cant be dishonest with my family nor myself. I for once have decided since I am out of the MATRIX to be honest with me and with the world. So they are gonna know where I stand, and is either like me or not. But I still care for them and will love all my family. I am ok. They are sick and their vision is blurred. I can show them who has real love for them. I ve noticed that since now I started to reach in a very loving manner they get confused because although they treat me with disdain I still show them interest and love. haha their reactions and faces are interesting... I think after all that guy Jesus was right.. Love never fails :-)

I just wanted to keep you updated! Today is a beautiful day and we can enjoy it without the JW-doom-glasses

Caligula1

cyberjesus,

Please refresh my memory....How many people, face to face, have you talk to for assistance?

mental health professional _______(2)

ex-jw ________ (5)

Meetups _________ (4)

Are my numbers correct?.............or is it 0,0,0?

I'm pulling for you but, I'm getting a little nervous.

Thanks

truthseeker

CyberJesus,

Man, I know where you're coming from - been there and am still there - I can't get away from it. I have family who are in who don't know I'm inactive. And I'm constantly reminded of it day and night in an undertone.

Like you, I never fit in the hall and didn't feel like I could mix with "worldlings" - so I was isolated, lonely and depressed - I still am to some degree. This board gives me comfort and the hope that one day I can heal.

Good luck to you

Truthseeker

CuriousButterfly

CJ I can only imagine what you are going through. The fear of losing family and friends is traumatic especially when you were raised a JW. That has been my whole life....completely immeresed in the religion. ALL of my really close friends are JWs my immeidate family are JWs and a husband who is very active.

I appreciate ALL who ask and give their experiences. It helps me to process what may transpire and try to get my head around the realities, which scare the crap out of me.

KW13

CyberJesus i am glad you know exactly what the Society is because ultimately, awareness is what will save others from the same fate. I can imagine it hurts sometimes, but be proud because you made it through what has broken so many others. You freed yourself, you made the choice to become free. Hold that head high buddy, because you are fucking amazing.

I had 3 very rough years, anger and severe depression amongst other issues. My anxiety was intolerable. Now Medication and a beautiful family see me through. You'll get there in the end!

Ding

CJ,

If you're in the LA area and looking for some exJWs to meet with, Randy Watters is located in Manhattan Beach. You can contact him via www.freeminds.org

The Chretiens are in La Jolla. They run Good News Defenders (or at least they used to).

Joshnaz

Did you ever see Matrix where the kid is bending the spoon? You just have to think that the spoon really doesn't exist anyways.

wasblind

Hey cj and Yknot,

i grew up as a worldly, and I can tell you this for sure, your not gonna fit in with everyone

you have to choose your association wisely, Waaaay back when I was a teen, some would

smoke, do drugs, had children, and lived in the fast lane, I was most definitly a very social

person, but I had my own group of friends, who did none of that. Yes we went out, dated

had a ball. even when I meet people now, I don't care how nice they are, if their life style

or the things they do makes me uncomfortable. I'm gone.

The thing is JW children are taught that all worldlies are bad association and that's not true

braveheart

CuriousButterfly...thanks for bumping this story...It's good getting to know CyberJesus.

CJ...your a righteous man...I always enjoy your posts. I wish you continued Peace and Strength

with your family, and the struggle for FREEDOM. -BH

SweetBabyCheezits

I know (a tiny fraction of) how you feel CJ. In fact, inspired by your thread, I made it my FB status:

"I'm looking for that fine line between being a considerate non-conformist and just not giving a shit about what the uninformed think. If you find it, please let me know."

Bear in mind, you haven't had true freedom of thought for very long. If we figure out the psychology side of this, I believe we can make this frustration and pain fade similar to the way we lost our fear of demons. They only bother you if you believe in them, right? Then again, I could be totally off there.

Regardless, you bring a lot of critical thinking to this forum. I salute you, buddy, and hope you can get past this.

I wish I could just not give a Sh!t about being an XJW!

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