JW Tall Tales

by lancelink 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • lancelink

    Recently I was cleaning my bookcase and found an old book that I enjoyed as a child. It had stories in it such as Paul Bunyan, Pecos Bill, and John Henry. While these stories are fictional, I enjoyed them because they were entertaining, and easy to understand.

    Fast forward to the late 70's when I was a teenager sitting at the CA hall in Janesville Wisconsin.

    The speaker was explaining the great sacrifice God made in sending his son down to earth to die for all mankind. he used the following example, (or tall tale) to describe it.

    "Imagine a train fully loaded with passengers, heading down the track at full speed.(Symbolic of sinful mankind) Unknown to the engineer several miles ahead there is a bridge crossing and it is badly damaged. Right in front of the bridge there is a switching tower and the switchman is fully aware of the problem, and thankfully there is a secondary track that the train can follow and avoid the bridge. As he gets ready to throw the switch he notices that his young son (symbolic of Jesus) is walking on the secondary track. The train is fast approaching so he must decide what is more important, saving the train full of people , or his son. The switchman decides to save the train, and his son gets killed. Yet many of the passengers do not know what a sacrifice the switchman made for them."

    Then he talked, and guilted the audience into how we should be doing all we can in the ministry, and reaching out to do more in our own halls. Everyone ohhh'd and ahhhh'd later, but I always thought how God knows everything, why didn't he take care of the loose ends before it happened (broken bridge, and kid on the tracks)

    Even now I can develop a small headache thinking about all the far -reaching aspects of this story, and how everyone just lapped it up.

    Does anyone have their own example of a JW tall tale ?

  • belbab

    When I first came in contact with JWs, I was working in a construction camp in mountainous country where there were some Jaydubs. One old witness who was from the prairies said won't it be so wonderful in the New World after God levels of all these mountains. I love the mountains.


  • Simon Morley
    Simon Morley

    yeah...tall tales like elder Billy Bob getting a load of groceries on his doorstep because he just turned down a promotion that would see him get more money or the pioneer getting money for a car......then we look at the horrors in Haiti where no doubt JW's ekeing out a meagre living are crushed to death, or Malawi sisters exposed to undescribable attrocities and indecencies. I never believed God was that arbitrary and I hated the tall stories for that reason.

  • Farkel

    :Does anyone have their own example of a JW tall tale ?

    How much time do you have?

    Let's see now:

    "Babylon the Great has fallen"

    "Jesus has been "ruling" since 1914"

    "Jehovah will use antimatter to clean up after Armageddon"

    "We speak for God"

    "Circumstantial fornication"

    "Demons love used furniture"

    "Flip flopping back and forth on doctrines is spiritual progress"

    "Salvation can only come through buying and selling books"

    "We were OUT of Babylonish Captivity(tm) by 1919"

    "Elders are appointed by Holy Spirit"

    "Jehovah is the editor of the Watchtower magazine"

    "Organ transplants are cannibalism"

    "Birthdays = beheadings"

    "Blood is the symbol of life, and the symbol is more important than the life it represents."

    "Blood is an organ"

    "The heart is an organ of emotion"

    "Only 144,000 are in the New Covenant"

    Sigh. Need any more?


  • highdose

    i once heard a tale of a woman who was involved in spirtisum, she studied and threw out all her spritistic stuff. On the day of her baptisuim when the brother put her under the water a demon was at the bottom of the baptisum pool, grabbed her and wouldn't let her come back up. The speaker on the platform got everyone in the auditorum to pray to jehovah to release the woman from the demons grasp before she drowned, and lo and beyond it happened!

    ... this was a story told to me in all seriousness by a dub

  • dissed

    That if you are left alone with a women........

    Both of you will rip off all your clothes in ten minutes and fornicate.

  • dissed

    From the whopper story files that only a JW would believe.....

    A missionary home from Brazil shared this story. Her Bible study who practiced Voo Doo, had his child, start to float up in the air, like a chicken would in a sacrifice. (She said in Voo Doo the chicken would float up then explode. That would be something to see, no?)

    (Try and visualize this missionary describing this with gestures, jumping and reaching into the sky.) The father desperately grabbed the child, wrestling with the demon to stop his child from rising up and exploding. Not strong enough to out wrestle the demon, the father started to lose his grip. At this point, the father cries to JG, "Please help me! I will quit Voo Doo and serve you if you save my child!" At that, JG had the demon release the child to the father. They all became JW's, blah, blah, blah.......

  • Farkel

    :That if you are left alone with a women........

    :Both of you will rip off all your clothes in ten minutes and fornicate.

    You mean that isn't true?


  • highdose

    Farkle: i've got one better:... If you are a single woman who is alone with jw brothers this is also wrong as you will all rip eachothers clothes off and have a 3 some!... This rule applys even if you are just planning a trip to the movies!

  • Farkel

    :If you are a single woman who is alone with jw brothers this is also wrong as you will all rip eachothers clothes off and have a 3 some!

    You mean that isn't true, either?



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