New arrangement for hand-drying at district conventions - KM February 2010
Brothers and Sisters Please remain standing for the following announcements directed at parents.
Please ensure you know where your children are at all times during this convention. It would be a good idea to encourage them to listen attentively and take notes.
We know children can be very liberal with their use of toilet tissue, and we would ask parents to instruct their children to limit their use to 3 sheets for each trip. By feeding your children only on the spiritual banquet provided by the Faithful and Discreet Slave during the convention period we are are sure those trips could be kept to minimum.
It has been reported that some parents have allowed their youngs ones to use the toilet tissue lovingly provided at this convention to blow their noses.
It would be appreciated if parents bring their own box of kleenex and encourage their children to use this instead of the assets dedicated to Jehovah's service. We know that pressures of Satans world may mean that you may forget, so we are pleased to announce that you can obtain a box from the cleaning department. There is no charge for you box of tissues but please note the contribution boxes around the cleaning department and the credit card PDQ on the counter. Many of our loyal brothers have shown their appreciation for this service by making a voluntary donation of around £5. Your cooperation on these matters would be very much appreciated.
You may think the above is unrealistic, but lets be honest, they have been selling toilet tissue from door to door for over 100 years!
“Keep On the Watch Even Longer” convention in the summer of 2010
can i borrow someone's towel
to clean the coffee off my screen?
In fact, Brothers and Sisters, to ensure that no one falls asleep and therefore miss out on the fine spiritual food that the Faithful and Discreet Slave has provided, everyone should remain standing for the entire assembly. In order to cut down on the use of toilet paper, we would like to ask our Christian sisters with babies to bring extra diapers for your entire family, no matter what their age. While this may be a bit inconvenient, how happy we will make our heavenly Father by following the suggestion of His Channel here on earth!
OMG!!! Now it all makes sense!
'The Last Supper' - that was a visit to the salon - where 'Gee' hung out a lot with all his bros. I was a full-service establishment that did hair, manicures & pedicures.
Mary Magdelene was the shop owner. She did the pedicure on G's feet.
The name of the shop was 'Paradise'.
When on the stake, 'Gee' told the fella next to him, 'Truly I tell you today, you will be with me in Paradise.'
The fella's name? 'Truly'.
Wow! I was reading that bible all wrong! Thanks for the enlightenment!
Regards, (and tongue firmly planted in cheek)
cantleave: they have been selling toilet tissue from door to door for over 100 years!
We all know that the faithful and discreet slave must use its assets wisely, and we must follow their fine example whether at conventions or in daily life. SPIRITUAL things are what we live for. It is more important to give a starving person hope for the future (in the form of spiritual food) than it is to provide the temporary needs. We must take the long-term view of things.
At our conventions, the spiritual food provided is unlike anything you'll get anywhere else, that is for sure. Such gatherings allow us to focus on spiritual rather than material things.
That's sooooooo WT!
Apparently symbolic bowel movements, followed by figurative tissue paper, will evidently reduce the number of towels used in this act of worship.