Did Jesus have a haidresser ?
I am so glad you asked me that." The cornfield cut" , as we say in the trade , is over two thousand years old.It has its origins in the Holy Land. Here are the facts.
Capernaum Approx. AD 28 .
At that time Jesus and his disciples decided because it was the Sabath ,their day off, and a very hot one, that it might be a good idea to go on a picnic in the country side.They drew straws to see who would make the sandwiches ,it was Judas who drew the short straw. Jesus said he himself would provide wine. Mary Magdelene went as well because she had the most gorgeous ................... singing voice ,she often entertained them when Andrew played the pipes .This was a few years before he embarked for Scotland.
They hiked for about two hours, assisted by a hand held sat nav. speaking in Hebrew . All of a sudden Mathew noticed it had directed them to a campsite full of Pharisees about half a mile away. Jesus quickly ordered them to turn left into the cornfield but the sexy voice on the sat nav. kept saying , "Oh don't stop now!" , in full volume, thus attracting the interest of the Pharisees who were camping it up further down the road. Luckily because the corn was as high as an elephant's eye and a little brown maverick was winking its eye they managed to stay out of sight. A few tense moments elapsed when it was suggested that they might as well stay where they were and enjoy the wine with triangular sandwiches from the whicker basket . All of a sudden Judas shouted, 'Jesus we have a problem, " Jesus replied , "Hey Jude what's the matter , just let it out and let it in, but keep your voice down do you want to give me away ?" Judas replied " sorry lads I have forgotten the sandwiches. " With deep groans and rumbling tums all round they decided to eat the wheat and that's when all hell broke loose.
It is at this juncture the scripture narrative takes over to a certain degree. The Appostles , Mary and Jesus, were so ravenous at this time and had quite too much wine on empty stomachs,they started to eat the ears of corn and rubbing it between their fingers, in fact they were making crop circles without knowing it. It was at this juncture that the Pharisees had what is known as a what the F . moment but in the hebrew tounge. They could see all the wheat being trampled and eaten so they went over and immediatley recognised Jesus and said "not you lot again, what do you mean by working on the sabath by gathering food ,do you not know that it is against the law of Moses? " But Jesus, savy as ever replied, " do you not know that the sabath was made for man ,not man for the sabbath. if a sheep falls into a ditch and can't get out for a spot of lunch on a sabbath is it not right for the shepherd to retrieve the poor little lamb. As usual Jesus sent them away with a flee in their ear.
Well to cut a long story short when the Disciples arrived back in town the next day they went directly to Barber Abbas and each one of them had a cornfield hair do to commemorate that special sabath way back when. The style had almost vanished but throughout history someone somewhere on the earth has flaunted that hair style, sticking two fingers up at the establishment.
Is it possible that Jesus sported an Afro as a subtle message to let us know exactly which generation it was that he was referring to? That it was supposed to be the generation of 1975? And it failed to materialize.
Is there any truth to the rumor that Jesus met up with Delilah and she gave him a Mullet cut which he hated and that he had to wear a hat for seven months until it all grew out even again?
A friend of a friend of a friend of Mary Mag just sent me this photo.....according to her Jesus got the mullet as a campaign signature to go along with the slogan "Fishers of Men". Mullet--fish---fishers----get it? All the apostates he took with him had to get a mullet cut as initiation.
Wow what a discovery, I'll go to the foot of our stairs !
I think they are the first ever known pictures of the three wise men and I thought they had been lost to antiquity.
The last time I saw those they were hanging up in my salon ; Sit down have a cup of tea and a cake.
What can be done to disguise a receding hairline?
Did you ever teach Jesus any of your magic make-over tricks?
Did you ever get to see the Jesus Impersonaters at Karaoke night in The Galillee Gay Guild?
Did they ever get their hair done at your place?
In reponse to your further enquiries it does appear from the Abbas Diaries that an annual event did take place at the Funny Girls Night Club in Sieze a rear. Maybe the " Queen of the Nile " competion is the event to which you refer.
Apparantly the Queen of the Nile Annual Contest was very popular back then. This contest involved the participants running after each other into the bull rushes and the one who was the last to be captured became Queen for the forth coming year. Barber Abbas thinks that must have been the consolation prize. Ocasionally some of them got into difficulties in the river and had to have a boy thrown at them to stop them drowning. It was a week long event with different activities such as the Wet Toga competion, The Karaoke songs were especialy selected from a repertoir of music associated with the theme men, such as "Going to wash that man right out of my hair, " "Can't help loving that man o' mine, " and firm favourites with Trannie Annie ,"When a man loves a woman," and " A boy named Sue. "
They also held a kind of dualling event called " handbags at dawn," when the contestants hit each other over the head until one person gave up by saying, " Ooh you are awful but I like you !"
The hairless legs competion was fun as well, they used to wax lyrical about that. Barber Abbas made a fortune getting everybody ready prior to that week.
A Mr Humphries look alike competion was the last event of the week with the winner declaring "I'm free for a whole week."
Sometimes you just have a bad hair day and can't help it...what with static electricity and all. Sometimes you just have to go incognito on days like that and hope no body knows it's really you behind the mask.
Holy Christ, Batman!