What should I do?

by Scorpion 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scorpion

    I have pioneered for over four years. I have three children and a wife who at times has severe back problems. I have worked two Jobs just to stay ahead of the bills and provide for my family. My wife is a great mother and does a fantastic Job taking care of our home. She goes to the meetings at times but refuses to go door to door. I usually am the one to take the kids to the meetings and out in the field ministry.

    I have gotten to the point of burn out and badly need a rest. I am thinking of quiting pioneering and have told the elders. I was disapointed somewhat by the response of three of the elders. They seem to think that I should continue pioneering and qiut one of my jobs. I can not provide for my family on the one job. My wife takes care of a few kids in our neighborhood at times to make some extra money, but I do not want her to take on full time work as of yet because of our kids being so young and I think as she does, still need their mother at home.

    I am looking for some advice from you brothers and sisters.

    This is my first time posting on this site and I am very new to the internet. I am not sure I should even be asking this question here for fear of not taking the counsel of the elders in my congregation. Please help me with this.

    I do not want to stop pioneering but because of the limited time with my family, it is really taking its toll on my wife and I feel I am neglecting my kids somewhat.

  • mgm

    Hello SC
    looks like you are in a difficult situation.
    My advise for you is:
    Don't listen to anybody else for advice. Sit together with your familie and talk openly about everybody needs. Why don't you spend more time with you're three kids? Why do you risk to destroy your family but help others? Isn't it a biblical advise to look first for your family and then to others?
    If you don't change, you'll look back in some years and feel regret for not enjoing your family when they were young.
    Sorry for my poor english.
    I wish you and your family all the best for the future.

  • waiting

    It's a good thing that you're doing to help your wife cope with back problems and taking care of 3 children. What are the ages of your kids? And you and your wife - still young enough to go dancing?

    MGM's suggestions really hold a lot of merit, along with all your other "first" responsibilities are your children - time is getting shorter every day, it seem like, as we get older. Two jobs and meetings and study take a lot of your time, be careful to really be a dad
    who has time to actually spend doing "nuthin" with his kids. They really do remember such great times when they're grown -that's how they learn to parent their own kids - by remembering what they're parents were like.

    Enjoy your family - that's one thing that's really yours. Welcome - come visit again. We're all in the same boat - just trying to stay afloat!

  • Seven

    Welcome SC. I see so many brothers in the same situation as you and your young family. I'm certain that you have prayed hard and sincerely about this. The basic idea of ministry is serving.
    If I were in your shoes I would be serving Jehovah
    by taking care of the wife and little inheritances
    he has entrusted to your care. It's going to be a
    difficult decision but I'm sure you'll make the right one.

    About the internet-of course you should be here. Isn't this a wonderful tool Jehovah has provided as a source of information and comfort? You will meet many wonderful people. You'll learn to separate the good from the not so good just like you do in everyday life.

    Best wishes to you and family.

  • Martini

    Hi SC,

    So far you got lot's of good advice.
    The most import part of our sacred service to God is taking good care of our family. Field service in my opinion has been given far too greater an importance over those closest and dearest to us.
    I would place the emphasis with serving family first. Also if we care for our individual and personal needs is not being selfish at all for we can only give our best to our family if we feel our best personally.The meetings and service have their a proper place but we cannot allow them to crowd out our much needed rest,sleep and play. Be determined to choose for yourself what is working for you and your family without feeling you must answer or please men.

    God bless the love you show to your family.

    Martini ...who has been asking himself hard and painful questions about worship lately.

  • RedhorseWoman


    Everyone here has given you great advice. Just let me add a little to it.

    I had pioneered for about three years. I kept going even though it was very difficult. I thought that this was the most wonderful privilege I could ever have. I had planned to pioneer all through school, and I had finally reached my goal.

    I finally got to the point where I could no longer ignore the warnings my body was giving me. I developed Crohn's disease and ended up in the hospital for a month. That definitely ended my pioneering.

    To my great surprise, I received no support from the congregation. It was as if I had failed....and failed miserably. I had given up so much to pursue this goal, and I was made to feel like a total loser.

    Listen to your body....it is asking for rest. Listen to your heart....it is telling you to care for your family first.

    Jehovah asks no more of any of us than what we can give. The quotas and pressure to do more come from men....not God. It is just as pleasing to Him to care for your family and provide for them as it is to spend more time in the preaching work.

  • spectromize

    Dear SC,

    In reply to " I've gotten to the point of burn out and badly need a rest."

    Be sure your health is intact. I'm saying this not to discourage you from your activities but if you burn yourself out who's going to look after your family? Isn't your body telling you something when you say you badly need a rest?

  • Scorpion

    Thank you all for your loving encouragement.

    I am so happy to have met all of you.

    I sat with my family tonight and talked for over two hours. I have not done this for, I can't remember when. We have decided that I will stop pioneering for now. I feel so guilty though. It seems a way of life for me.


    Thank you for your reply. I to feel as if in a way I am a failure for not continueing to pioneer, but I also feel I am failing my family which is most important.

    You all have given me strength in this decision.

  • mgm

    Dear SC
    to make somebody feel guilty about doing not enough is a tool of the WTS to keep the work running. But think careful about:
    Do you really think Jehovah wants us to burn out? Do you think the first christians count the hours when they went preaching?
    Aniway, the motivation to preach should be love and not a guilty feeling!!
    We as witness have to learn to stop feeling guilty al the time, it makes a lot of brothers sick and depressed, because nowbody is able to reach all the targets which the society set for us.
    So, slow down, enjoy your family, which is a gift from Jehovah and don't set yourself too much under pressure!
    Greetings to your family

  • Frenchy

    I have known some really fine C.O.'s in my time. Without exception their advice is to take care of your family FIRST. That is your primary objective. In time if you're inclined to pioneer again then you can do so.

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