How are you faders doing? (page 3)

pat1060

On The Way Out.....I wish I could speed up my fade.I have a lady right next door that I started a study with.When I finished the Teach book with her I turned her over to a pioneer sister...the one that calls me allot.The lady still depends on me to take her to meetings and just talk to.I have made a few comments to her but being vary careful..........This seems to be a hang up right now.I want to say more to her with out getting in trouble...

sd-7

Me? I'm crazy--I'm going back in! Haven't been to any meetings since like, I don't know, maybe October, but the wife is still into it, so I'm going back in for her sake, and if I can, I'll bring her out of it. The elders wanted to 'meet' with me. I even gave them my number, but in my several months--probably even a year--of being irregular at the meetings and shoddy in FS, not one phone call or visit from one elder. My moving to a new congregation may shake them for a time, but the mrs. will want me to get my 'publisher's card' from the old congregation, which will surely lead to some kind of meeting in which I compromise myself and get DF'd simply 'cause I can't stand the absurdity anymore. But that's just one possible future.

On the plus side, wifey doesn't strike me as one who will get too far in, as she was DF'd years ago and just go back in last year. Given her willingness to break Borg rules in the first place, it doesn't seem like that big of a leap to wake her up. Even so, it may not necessarily happen. I chose this because I couldn't leave without her. I tried. But I couldn't.

It's hard to live with, every day. Yeah, I know I brought it on myself, over one woman, but for me, it's the one woman I'd be willing to do that for. It hurts me to know that I must submit to this religion and its tyranny, but I'm trying to use the family study to inject the real truth whenever I see an opportunity to do so. Although I was well into a pretty good fade, I'm going to 'un-fade' and carry on. Mom, big brother, one aunt, two cousins and their 5 kids are all in. I wouldn't miss most of them that much, to be honest, but I find it saddest to be at risk of hurting or losing Mom. She got taken advantage of by this religion, taught us everything we know, but she didn't know what we were getting into. And she may never know. That, for me, is the most tragic thing of all.

It breaks my heart every second. I accept it, though, because that's what needs to happen. I need this moment in my life to bring forth whoever it is I'm supposed to become. Love for my wife is what led me to discover the truth about the Society in the first place. I hope that love, 5 years old and bruised and slashed by elders and the like, will carry me through to its destination. I don't care which way it ends. I just know that I needed a direction. So now I fight the Society's forces from the inside. I won't win. But I will fight.

Tired as heck, living two lives, but so far, at least the marriage, 3 weeks old now, is doing alright. Not saying much, since any celebrity can last that long. But hopefully it'll remain in good shape. If I must, I'll give up fighting for mental freedom to keep her. But really, I don't have to. I just have to exercise "theocratic warfare" in the opposite direction, and I'll be fine.

Feeling a little depressed today, but as stable as can be expected from someone who just found out this year that he's spent 24 years of his life in a cult. Sucks to be me. But hey, what's new? I hated myself even before I found out the real deal. But that's another story. Whatever the case, I hope those of you who were brave enough to stand and walk/fade away are doing well. I wish all of you the best.

SD-7

bythesea

Pat1060: That's a tough one with your neighbor. My hubby has started a couple of studies with worldly friends of ours and I've had to bite my tongue to not say something to discourage them from getting involved! I did tell one guy that he needed to do his own research into the religion as they are not your usual Christian group....shortly afterward he stopped his study, so don't know if he got online and found out stuff on his own or what, but I was relieved! haha Maybe you could suggest to her that it would give her a more rounded out view of the JW if she got non-JW's views of the religon? If you DON'T like her or want to have to deal with her then start being really busy!

I agree with Blondie that you should stop your field service....let that be the first big step you take. I haven't read back through your posts, so don't know if you have a significant other or are by yourself, but when my mate asked why I wasn't going to go in the door to door anymore(a statement I made one Saturday morning as he was getting ready to go) I just told him I couldn't go out and preach about stuff I no longer felt were truths. I refused to be a hypocrit just to make HIM look good to the brothers. Becoming inactive in the ministry helps because then you're not confronted with having to put on a dble face to people. I finally learned to be vague when asked why I wasn't in service or at meetings more. It's OK to not give long lengthy explanations to people, tell them its a personal issue and you don't feel free to talk about it!

PM me if you want to talk more about how I've managed my fade so far....I've made some errors, but thus far it's working out ok!

SD-7: Sheesh!!! Are you SURE this is the only recourse for you? I understand you loving your new bride, but can't you work on her to leave with you w/out returning to the vomit? Have you read Amazing1914's story of how he got his family out via his family study with them? It's on Freeminds site, I know. There are others from this site who have done the same, maybe someone else can give you their names and you can get some ideas of what worked for them. I hate to see that you've actually been irregular for a few mos and now think you have to go back in. But, let us know if we can help with any of it.

The best to both of you and all of us who are making our way on to a new life!

sd-7

I'm giving thought to my exit strategy, but I also understand that this plan is high-risk--very high-risk. I've mentioned in other posts that it is a suicide mission. That being said, at least I have no grand expectations of succeeding. I lost touch with the decent person I once was at a certain point this year, and it became clear that in order to restore some semblance of honor, I had to make this choice. As I once wrote, even though it sounds arrogant to say that, "Life often leaves us with none but the most disgusting of choices." That being said, I chose the option that seemed least disgusting to everyone around me. But still disgusting, as they hate my wife, whether they openly admit it or not.

So...there you have it.

SD-7

OnTheWayOut

Give the nice neighbor lady an anonymous copy of CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE and list a few websites on a sheet of paper (freeminds.org and jwfacts.com come to mind).

Find some way to be less dependable on the rides to the hall. Put an empty gas can in your trunk and allow yourself to run out of gas or develop some kind of car trouble, or just run late as much as possible.

It doesn't just get her to stop depending on you, it keeps you from the meeting also.

cantleave

Since quitting as an Elder, and getting Nugget on board, things are going a great deal quicker than I could have ever anticipated. For me the most important thing was to stop my standing order to the congregation - done.

I have n't been on FS now for over a month, but I am still reporting (don't want a visit). I went to the Sunday meeting last week but that was the first for three weeks. It would seem that now I am not an elder i am somewhat off the Radar, but I am sure someone is missing me so I still have to be careful. I don't want to be DF'd because I will lose income, but TBH if it does happen my life won't stop.

As for the important things, we have let our kids do a fair bit of the Xmas stuff at school, the only thing they are not doing is Carol Service and Nativity. We gave sweets to trick or treaters and we took the kids to a Novemeber 5th display.

I really can not thank people enough on this board for their support, give yourselves a big round of applause.

darthfader

I think out fade is working... A sister ran into my Wife at the store and she couldnt remember my Wife's name. We used to relatively close to this sister and her husband.

Woo hoo!

Darth Fader

bohm

Well, I have been fading for about 1½ year now - and moved to another city about ½ a year ago - an elder in my new kingdom hall have been stalking me for some weeks, with 3 (unanswered) calls a day - but now, he has quitted Yiiihar - but I kind of miss to have an alarm clock which wakes me up every morning - lol.

I have celebrated my first birthday and it was FUN FUN FUN. This year im going to celebrate christmas at my boyfriends parents house.

Keep up the good work.

Miss Bohm

I quit!

I agree with Blondie, quit field service. You can't feel good about yourself when you are out trying to get people to join a religion that you are trying to escape from yourself.

This was a great question. I've enjoyed reading all of your accounts about fading. I wish you all luck.

GLTirebiter

Give the nice neighbor lady an anonymous copy of CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE and list a few websites on a sheet of paper (freeminds.org and jwfacts.com come to mind)

.

Both good choices! Also consider this article from the Institute for Religious Research, and this oldie-but-goody from the Knights of Columbus. There are many well-researched critiques of the Watchtower available.

GLT

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