by Lady Lee 51 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
dogidgod
I had to go back to the beginning to figure out what you were saying
nolongerheldcaptive said:
After this I would not and could not enter into discussion with you as it could be very dangerous, and would only do so with another professional alongside
At the beginning of her post she said
You are overeacting
I suspect she thought I was being too sensitive and blowing what she said out of proportion
I know two survivors and I know them very, very well.
Both decided to confront their assaulter ( it was a prolonged assault over years going from one sister to another) and he was put in jail and on the sexual predator list.
The one that was there through the WHOLE process, saw him being judged and condemned and, being the very strong person she is, was able to forgive him for all the horribel things he did, she is doing very well, great self-esteem, strong role model for her children and a husband that couldn't be more proud.
The other one, while she was there in the beginning, thought that it was stronger to ignore and not think about it, she never faced her demons, she never got to see him as the sad, little, pathetic man he is, she never put it behinde her, never forgave him or herself, she is not well:
She never finished school, even though she wanted to be a lawyer, she dated guys that reated her like crap, she has deep rooted sexual problems, she married someone she didn't love because she got pregnant.
A tale of two sisters what went through a horrific ordeal.
PS
That goes to show there are many ways of dealing with the abuse. We each need to find our own path. Sadly some never do
...After this I would not and could not enter into discussion with you as it could be very dangerous, and would only do so with another professional alongside
Sounds like my mom when I try to contact my dad (I was 18 when I first saw my dad, last time I saw him he was going to jail back when I was 5)... I called her over reactive as well. I get so confused still to this day... Was I over pretected??? Was it all real? It was so long ago... is my mom crazy or is my dad crazy... Am I crazy... Yeah today hasn't been a good day " I asked my dad if he'd like to come to my wedding and because I'm DFed he says I hurt my family..." "but he still wants to stay in contact with me because he wants me to always know he loves me" GOD HELP ME!!!
Lee,
Since most readers of this forum are JWs or ex-JWs, it is fair to assume that low self esteem goes with that territory. The whole JW culture destroys self-esteem in order to glorify the esteem of the WT leaders.
Therefore, it's hard to say whether those here who've survived sexual abuse and who also suffer from low self-esteem:
1) Got it from being JWs
2) Got it from the abuse
3) Got it from the abuse and the JWs, and one made the other worse.
4) Got it for another reason entirely
I would find it very difficult to believe that someone who was a long time JW could be a person of high self-esteem and only end up with low self-esteem because of sexual abuse alone, though.
In short, in a dublike environment it's hard to quantify how much sexual abuse contributed to loss of self-esteem just by itself.
Farkel, Crappy Counselor CLASS
PS
That goes to show there are many ways of dealing with the abuse. We each need to find our own path. Sadly some never do
Very true, but one path NEVER to follow is the "ignore it and hope it goes away" path.
Too many seem to follow this path though.
hi LL...
i sent you a PM
Farkel
You are correct. Separating out the pieces makes it difficult.
Spiritual abuse invades the mind and the soul.
Physical abuse attacks the body, and invades the mind and the soul.
Sexual abuse invades the body, the mind, and the soul.
Having gone through all of them and some before I was a JW I can say there is a difference.
My family was filled with violence pre-JW. I grew up in an atmosphere of fear. That was the first strike for my self-esteem. I knew I could be attacked and perhaps killed by my father. I was "stupid and would never amount to anything" I deserved the beatings I got or so I was told and what else was there for me to believe. My mind was attacked with insults and my body attacked with anything handy.
Being sexually abused before the JW certainly added another blow. My body was no longer mine. Things were done to it, places touched and prodded, all despite my protestations and tears. Lesson: You are here for my purpose alone. When. Where. and How. You have nothing to say about it because you are nothing. Men who demand your body have all rights to it. (That one led to abuse by several other men in my life between the ages of 8-11)
When my father was caught he was arrested. He always told me the police would arrest me because I was doing something wrong. What a surprise to watch the police handcuff him and put him in the cruiser. Lesson: Maybe I didn't deserve it.
Then we get involved with the JWs. I was 11 and hungry for affection. Belonging. And I got it. I even asked to be baptized but they said I was too young. Lesson: Not good enough.
Then more physical abuse and more sexual abuse. Lessons: You are nothing. Your body is solely for the enjoyment of men. They can touch you and feel you and do things to you and you have no right to say no. 4 men doing what they want and I have no say.
Then I was sent to foster care because of the sexual abuse. Lesson: You are nothing. You don't deserve a family. You wanted this and now you are being punished for it. And my foster mother made sure to remind me every day what a dirty little girl I was.
Then back to my mother and more physical abuse and I got baptized. At 17 I got my last beating from her. Lesson: I still OWN you. Getting baptized meant the WTS OWNED me. Everything I did was in relation to the WTS. Now my life was not my own. Not my mind. Not my body.
Then she arranged for me to marry. Lesson: I will transfer ownership to someone else. Now he will OWN you.And due to their stupid rules about marriage and submission not my sexuality.
So now I am doubly owned. My body, my mind, my spirit. Nothing belongs to me. I am nothing. And I am reminded of my place. Both at home and at the hall.
On top of this there is one more type of abuse - political. I was living in Quebec where English speaking people are treated like second class citizens. We can't walk into a store and be greeted in English. Sometimes we can't get services in English. If you don't speak French jobs are hard to get. English people are second-class citizens. Lesson: If you live here you are a non-person undeserving of basic freedoms that French-speaking people have.
Layers. Each type of abuse has its own issues. Each teaches a lesson in self-esteem. Each eroded the self a bit more until I was left feeling like death was the only way out. Nothing. I was worth nothing. My body was worth nothing. Anything I did was worth nothing.
Even I think it is amazing I got out of it all.
Dear Lady Lee: I hear you.
I sometimes think I had a small vestige of self worth only because my abuser got paid when he pimped me out. He even shared some of that money with me.
Amazing what determnation and therapy can do to improve things, and it's been two years since I've had a nightmare of that time.
I think deep inside each one of us there is a person screaming "This isn't fair" and "I don't deserve this."
We grasp onto anything that keeps us going even if it only "I can't wait to grow up and get out of here."
I had a couple of teachers that were there for me. It made a huge difference.
