Of the sexual abuse survivors you knew. . .

by Lady Lee 51 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • avishai

    Thank you Simon!!

    I for instance have worked w/ adolescent boys who are victims of severe abuse of all kinds. The ones I worked w/ were severe, and most were encopretic, which in some ways is analogous to anorexia in that it's a control issue. Now, if someone who worked as an outpatient counselor would tell me that most abused boys were'nt encopretic, or more correctly that it doesn't happen because they "had never seen it in their line" I'd probably be just as defensive as nlhc. It's relative, folks. And I don't see either one as having an agenda, just different clinical experiences.

  • No Longer Held Captive
    No Longer Held Captive

    Simon, thanks for that, I only saw a cross section, and usually always the same people (revolving door syndrome), and quite a few jws, and jws have this odd idea and perception that mental illness is linked to satan and demons???? I have never been a counselor, only a nurse, and now, we cant give advice, only give prescribed treatment, therapy is usually between the various doctors and patients, we only really have contact with the patients daily, and by conversing with them in groups, or one to ones we get to know them and how they are feeling, and their respective histories......but, yeah some do self destruct, and various factors are involved. And I wonder how many have self destructed due to the wbts policies and their arsehole spirit appointed elders from hell, these figures are something we never ever hear about.

    I really wish we could name and shame on hear.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    In my personal experiance with relationships, I've noticed that women abuse victims tend to be promiscuous.

    I remember watching an interview with Howard Stearn and a porn actress and he asked her if she was an abuse victim. She stated yes. Howard Stearn then related that every stripper and porn actress that he asked that same question, all answered yes.

    I guess it's self esteem. I don't know, but there's definately a pattern

  • freddo

    Of the paedos I know about - probably a couple of dozen in all in the j/witnesses - many were completely screwed up but many seem perfectly "normal" whatever that is.

    But I think it is a matter of degree. Of reaction - not just of the victim but of their family. Also the general background too. - let me illustrate.

    One victim I know is a good friend and was abused by an older teenager when he was a boy. His problems have in my non-professional opinion been magnified by his wierdo family (who were not involved as perpetrators in the sexual abuse) who number drug taking, poor parenting skills, poor spouse-choosing and suicide among his parents/siblings. I/e - he was obviously vulnerable before he was abused.

    He holds down a good job and is a really nice guy but I can tell his personal decision making skills have been effected by his abuse and upbringing and experiences as a jw - which he still is.

    Another - a family member who was a jw and abused by a non-jw Uncle but whose family were supportive, stopped the abuse and shopped the perp. told me she felt supported and believed and has put the abuse behind her - she seems a happily married young woman who is also a jw.

    Others I know were the victims of an evil paedo MS/elder that hit the national news here in the UK in 2007, but because some of their abuse was unknown to them at the time (too young - as in under age 2 - to recollect) but known to them later as adults then they have to deal with the shock of what happened to them as babies but it was handleable for them without them going off the rails.

    I have come across an amateur psychologist in one congo who IMO gained quite a following among the vulnerable who insists that her "patients" "have to face their perpetrator" - "have" to do this and that and "cannot" move on without doing things her way. I cannot help but think that she is working out her own issues through the needy.

    Health professionals in general I find helpful and detached - working with what the victim feels they can do - as they should - in this area.

    Perhaps Lady Lee is over-sensitive? - God! I would be more so after all that has happened to her and I applaud her for the help she gives others on this forum. No way does any victim have to be made to feel they cannot move on if Lady Lee is an example of what can be achieved from bad circumstances as a child.

    NLHC - As a nurse in this area then my hat goes off to you too! But I suggest that by the time you get to see the victims in your care then they are the worse effected ones and for every one of them there are others who have managed to cope with their lives with less health care assistance and become productive citizens.

    All JW's lurking? Go to the police; school; social workers or whatever. DO NOT LET ELDERS BULLY OR THREATEN YOU INTO REMAINING SILENT.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Simon and everybody That is exactly my point. We were looking at different groups and you just can't take what you see in one group and apply it to another group. That's it. That is all I wanted to say.

    Now that NLHC admits that she only saw one group and that not all victims turn out like the people she saw I'm satisfied.

    I just could not sit back and let people think that what she saw in the hospital was the way victims "usually" turn out.

    Not that wasn't so hard. Was it?

    Now wha happened

    Most of us do not become promisuous. Some of us become prudes lol

    Really we can go to extremes. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle.

    Stern was polling a specific group of women. And yes many sexual abuse victims grow up to think that since sex is all they are good for then the guys are going to have to pay for it. Mind you there are plenty of survivors who get into substance abuse to push down the memories and then discover they have to pay to keep the substance abuse going. But I can tell you I know plenty of survivors who married and have only had sex with their husbands and no one else.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    point taken

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    But I can tell you I know plenty of survivors who married and have only had sex with their husbands and no one else.

    Of the three relationships I had after my witness marriage broke up all turned out to be sexual abuse victims. It wasn't fidelity that was the problem but lack of intimacy... that I a male could be trusted. I asked one , my lover at the time who had a 12 year old daughter Do you trust me with your daughter? She said yes So I said why don't you trust me She said I can't She seemed determined to sabotage our relationship to make me fit into her concept that males are abusers..... She played control games re her former lovers and other games related to her self esteem. She would not see a counselor with me. Later after I broke up with her for my own emotional wellbeing and moved out.... she entered a relationship with a man who was more screwed up than her..... was now on the receiving end.... finally sought counseling ....broke up with him and has now had a relationship with another man for three years. She is still receiving counseling. I have spoken to her recently and she now tells me what a bitch she was when she was with me. Something she would never ever have admitted before.. I'm happy for her I hope the cycle of abuse has finally been broken. I say cycle because I was also the victim of her fathers abuse not personally but through the damage he did to his little girl. The woman I loved. I hate sexual abuse.

  • No Longer Held Captive
    No Longer Held Captive

    I am a he, not a she, or at least I was when I looked when this morning.

    Freddo said: Go to the authorities, sounds like good advice to me (Romans 13) for, that is why you pay taxes, for they are Gods public servants serving for that very purpose, and as Romans 13 says, they carry the sword for the bad deed.

    Until this post I have made, this has received 309 views, hope some of these viewers are active dubs.

  • lise2468

    wow that is not me I was into health and taking care of myself ran every day watched what I ate meaning no junk food ate tons of food when I was hungry due to needing the energy I was into cycling too . I think for me these things were life savers a way to get out and cope to relieve stress help me keep my goals and helped me to focus on getting through school . I realized at 14 I was a victim of a abuser and nothing was my fault. I was also not promiscuous and as a teen or adult I did not feel the need be loved in a way that was unhealthy or be afraid of being loved by a man when I found the right partner I got married. I equate molestation with rape that is what was done to me it was not even sex but a violation of my human spirit.

    recovery for me was trying to find myself while dealing with being raised in the JW. I view myself as a person who is a self starter if I need to get something done it gets done I love life and every day is a precious wonderful gift. I always told myself just because someone did very bad things to me does not mean I am unworthy I am a very good person and just because I had horrible parents does not mean I need to turn out that way. I did not I have raised my kids with good morals and values they are almost out of school getting ready for college life, one is already out of college and is a social worker it is their passion and they are very good at helping people.

    I think I did ok but my other 3 siblings that were abused all three have very disfunctional lives one ended his life due to no parental support for all his issues and his health issues he just finally could not take life. None of them had eating disorders just in my opinion very poor coping skills depression and dysfuntional behaviors in general. Some how I think they like being in the dysfuntion and it every relationship is not dysfuntional it is like they can not cope.

    I personally hate it when people think women who are abused have eating disorders or they think we jump into the sack with every guy it is so not what I have done or what some of my friends who have been abused have done just my two cents. Thanks for listening


  • dogisgod

    What is the "DANGER" from talking to Lady Lee?

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