my sister has been disfellowshipped recently after being baptised for maybe 1 year. She was seeign this horrible man that was almost 3 times her age. For maybe 3 months. Due to my mothers sad attempt at parenting again (after 3 children youd think she would have got it right by now) my sister was driven further from her family and the congregation* which i felt was good for her. She had good friends that I felt were a pretty good influence on her. My sister at the ripe age of rebellion 18, was constantly butting heads with my mother who only knows how to handle things with the theory of "jehovah says you are suposed to be obediant, so you why are you not" ??
My sister got baptised to keep my mother appeased and she truely believed thats what she wanted to do, but she didnt grasp what it meant to everyone else. Anyway, some back story. my sister was sexually abused by her step father at a very young age maybe 7 -10 yrs. sh just recently (19) has been seeing someone about it. I am no psychologist, but i would guess her premiscuous (sp?) acts would have a little to do with this. And the fact that she is a teenager in a house with her second step father that treats her like the help, coupled with the fact that my mother just lets him because he is the man of the house, and Jehovah says that she is suposed to be obediant to him..not to mention that he is this bandwagoner JW that has realized my mother will pretty much do what he says because he reads "examining the scriptures daily" as he eats his dinner.
My sister decides she will stay with this guy which I know is not going to last, i have spoken to her about it and tried to talk some sense into her. She is just pushing back. So mother tries to correct the problem by taking away her (which she did not buy) locking her into the house so she cannot go see him, and just all around fighting with her and treating her like she is 5. So to the relevance of the topic at hand, my mother decides she is going to bring the brothers into the picture and have them speak to her. 2 elders and some other guy.
They basically tell her that if she doesnt quit she will be dissfellowshipped. Instead of helping her, they threaten her with something that she obviously at the time does not care about. An 18 yr old on the verge of eing thrown out of her home with no job or place to live doesnt give a sh@t about those things. They do not know her history, they do not know that she has deep psychological scars, and they sure as hell are not fully equipped to handle this situation the proper way. So in a fit of final rebellion, my sister sya s fine DF me i dont care, she moves out of my mother's house and in with the 42 yr old ex con. So again my mother attempts to raise her children by dumong them off on the Elders and the brothers.
My brother and I finally locate her and confront this fool because we got word that he hit her, and we got some police friends of ours involved, my siste finally figured out that that was a very dumb idea and we finally got her some real help...psychological help where she is working on these inner turmoils from the horrible horrible things that were done to her as a young child.
MY POINT: (finally right?) the elders are of no help when it comes to certain situations. My ssiter's life was completely obliteratted in a span of two weeks due to some teenage hardheadedness and some internal issues. She has no contact with her mother (which is actually good ) her real father, our grandparents and many of her friends with no place to live or car to drive because the elders uneducated desicion was to just out cast a child that needed help, not to be taught a lesson. i told my mother calling them was a bad idea and it will do nothing but end badly. She now wants to reach out to my sister who basically gives her the perverbial finger due to her being cast out of the family by outsiders for what? A situation that was resolved in less than 3 weeks from their desicion to DF her.
In all fairness, i have known two elders that were/are damn fine men and friends. They are fair and just and are understanding. they really helped me thru somethings when i was younger that my parents or family could not handle or understand. there are good men out there that can help, but they are few and far between. Which tells me that these people are not chosen by God to lead a flock. they are chosen by man, and it is hit or miss on how well they do.
Do they ignore? yes and no i think they are just ignorant on how to deal with people. Im sorry there is no chapter in the Bible that says how to handle a formerly sexually abused teen with with atachment and authority issues. so unless they know how their answer is always the same...they do not think outside the box and try to help. their version of helping is like my mother's...throw them out and they will elarn their lesson, which is not compassionate nor intelligent
and yes i am obviously bitter...lol
* i am no longer in the Organization, but my entire family is. *