On my way out of the "organization" and feeling very lost...

by 2pink 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • 2pink

    firstly, thank god i found this forum! i've spent the better part of today while my kids were in school reading many threads.

    some background...i am in my mid 30s, married, 2 kids. i was born and raised a JW...came from "good" stock...elders, pioneers, etc. even tried my own hand at pioneering for a year. aside from a few rebellious teenage years, i was a "good" witness who went to meetings, studied, commented...followed the prescribed merry go round of "works".

    anyhoo...the past few years, i've started thinking...i know, i know, a very un-JW thing to do. when my oldest child was born, it was a very high risk pregnany/delivery and i remember them asking me during the delivery "so if the blood loss gets too much, even if you or your baby are about to die, you will not accept a blood transfusion for either of you?" and i said "no". thank god both of us survived, but it was shortly after that i began to question things bcs i just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that jehovah would want a new mom or a baby to die for any reason.

    so that was 5 years ago, and once i start letting myself think, the doubts came often and heavy. i have done lots of reading and researching and now i have an issue with almost everything about the JWs and their teachings and "organization". so i won't even get into that as i'm sure most of you understand. my children are still quite young, so i am happy that i at least have got it figured out that i won't raise them JW and spare them that.

    however, i think i have been so crippled by this religion's crushing control on me that i don't even know how to decide what's next. i don't even know what i believe anymore. i thought i was so well versed in the bible and knew god....well, i was well versed in the NWT and knew the JW god. so i feel like i'm starting at square one...where do i go?? i believe in god ad the bible. i would like to go to some sort of church...something non denominational that doesn't force a doctrine down my throat but that is uplifting and encouraging to visit. i would like to meet other christians. but like i said, i feel like an idiot...i don't even know where to start.

    of course, it is totally freaking me out that i am going to lose most of my friends and my entire family who are all active JWs. when i go out, i'm going all the way out and will be doing the holidays/birthdays with my kids....so it's not gonna be a big secret. it's just sad to think that my entire social network will be gone in one day.

    also i am worried about my husband. he has expressed many doubts over the years as i have and has missed many meetings/service/etc, but now that i am finally deciding to act on those doubts and get out, he is trying to get religious on me and now go to all the meetings...?!?! i know that we will each decide for ourselves what is truth and what isn't, but it worries me seeing him do this. he won't read anything online or in print that is anti-JW even if it's simply 3rd party facts that contradict what the society says. he will listen to me tell him what i read, but doesn't want anymore to do with it than that.

    anyway, sorry this post is soooo all over the place, but i'm just so grateful to ahve found this forum. i would appreciate any thoughts/advice/support....whatever ya got! oh and can anyone recommend a good bible?? i want one that is a word for word translation, but that is also easy to read/follow in modern english.

    thanks for reading.

  • zoiks

    Welcome, 2pink. I am also new here and have more recently decided that The Truth really isn't. I really admire your courage and integrity - you're getting all the way out, while some like me are too intimidated by the severe social consequences to do so (yet).

    I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and getting updates. Also, I too am interested in people's thoughts on a good bible translation!


  • HammondLeslieBluesguy
  • moshe

    Welcome 2pink. Many of us have seen the same road on leaving the KH. Some got away unscathed and others like me got side-swiped by a wife who turned super-JW on me and called a divorce lawyer, only to admit 10 years later to our kids that I was right all along- but never to me personally. The Bible, if you accept it's words, says you will reap what you sow. We have all heard that in the KH. So it would be foolish to believe you can leave a cult-like religion without some sort of collateral damage. That is just life. Don't worry about finding a religion right now. Look at me, I converted to the Jewish faith in 2001, 13 years after I quit the KH. My sister said I make a better Jew than I ever did a Christian. You need a good friend to talk to who isn't trying to win a convert for their religion. Reach out for a non-JW friend, you can do it. Good luck.

    added: get your hubby to go to marriage counseling with you- he needs to see how destructive JW behavior is to a marriage. he can lie to you and the KH, but the counselor will make him come clean as to his true feelings. Maybe he really deep down inside wants to get out , too. If he is a rat, then better to have it on the record in case he and the elders try to do something stupid with the kids.

  • TheClarinetist

    Welcome to the forum 2pink. I think that there is a lot of support to be found in this community, and wish the best of luck to you.

  • bluecanary

    Welcome to the forum 2pink. We're very happy to have you here.

    My two-cents: It's ok to NOT have a particular set of religious beliefs right now. The "where will we go?" concept is a JW scare tactic. You don't have to go anywhere. Wherever you go, there you are. You are here.

    And, spiritually speaking, here is a pretty good place to be. We are fond of a saying on this board: I'd rather have questions I can't answer than answers I can't question. So enjoy asking questions. Research many types of religion and spirituality without feeling like you have to believe what they teach. If you find one that harmonizes with your life, go with it. I recommend keeping a journal.

    I'm no authority on family relations on leaving the JWs. I'm sure others here will be able to offer words of advice. You will need to replace your support system so definitely find ways to get to know new people. A church is a great option. You might see if there's a Universalist Unitarian church in your area. Another good option is volunteer work. Go to volunteermatch.org for opportunities in your area. As your kids make deeper friendships at school you might also become friends with some of their parents.

    It's great that your husband will at least listen to you. I recommend not saying things in such a way that puts him on the defensive. For instance, rather than say flat out what the JWs got wrong, you could phrase it more like "I was doing some Bible study and found it interesting that the scriptures say . . ." and state your claim. In other words, make positive statements rather than negative ones.

    I have a Holman Christian Standard Bible that I find pretty readable. The New International Version is probably the most popular one. There are websites that compare the accuracy and readability of different translations if you want to google that.

    Same advice I recently gave to another poster in your shoes: when it comes to holidays, if you want to have a big, happy celebration, then do it. Act like it's completely normal. Because it is. If anyone should be uncomfortable, it's the person who thinks there's something wrong with it. Your husband will be uncomfortable. But that's ok. Life pushes us out of our comfort zones, compelling us to grow and become better people.

    BTW, I think that you'll find that most Christians will be understanding of your situation. They will be happy to welcome you and not treat you like the idiot you feel. When I went to my local UU church I was recognized as new at the door, welcomed and given a program. During the . . . ceremony I guess you call it, the reverend invited everyone who was new to stand up and introduce ourselves. There were quite a few of us who did so. We were also asked to spend a few minutes during the ceremony to speak to the people sitting near us. They absolutely went out of their way to make sure that everyone felt welcome and had the chance to make a friend. Other religions are generally more welcoming than the JWs.

    Again welcome. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

  • Mattieu

    A big welcome to you 2pink, I really did feel for you as I read your post, it will get easier over time. Hope to hear more from you soon.


  • designs

    You'll find your way. Being good parents, caring for each other, those are great things in life. Plan to explore things you may have put off, skills you want to develop, education, envolvement in your community, many things will bring you close to the people around you.

    This earth has a lot of beauty to enjoy, our time here is a gift and priviledge.

  • BorgHater

    Hi and welcome, it's good to have you here. It's great you found this forum, you will find a lot of support

    My mum is in a silmilar situation where she still believes in God and the bible and wanted to go to a church. She found a local Baptist church and went there for the first time last week. She loved it. The people were very kind without being in the least pushy. They do loads of charity work and have lots of social events and she has made a few friends already. I'm agnostic myself, but i totally support her in this because she deserves to be around people who treat her with kindness and respect. The jw's want you to believe there is nowhere else to go, but that's bull...there is life after the Watchtower. However, it's not good to rush things when you first leave the jw's as your head will be all over the place. Chill out and give yourself a break from all things religious for a bit and in time you will find somewhere you belong.

    I know you may lose many of your friends and it's a scary thought, but you can't put a price on freedom. The fact that your hubby has expressed doubts in the past bodes well for you, just give him some time. I don't usually have much to give in the way of advice to people, but i hope it helps a little :)

    BorgHater x

  • BorgHater

    Oh and my dad recently bought me the New International Version of the bible as a present. I've had a flick through and it's really clear and very nice to read (and that's coming from an agnostic lol). I don't have a lot of theological knowledge as regards translations so that's all i can say really.

    BorgHater x

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