firstly, thank god i found this forum! i've spent the better part of today while my kids were in school reading many threads.
some background...i am in my mid 30s, married, 2 kids. i was born and raised a JW...came from "good" stock...elders, pioneers, etc. even tried my own hand at pioneering for a year. aside from a few rebellious teenage years, i was a "good" witness who went to meetings, studied, commented...followed the prescribed merry go round of "works".
anyhoo...the past few years, i've started thinking...i know, i know, a very un-JW thing to do. when my oldest child was born, it was a very high risk pregnany/delivery and i remember them asking me during the delivery "so if the blood loss gets too much, even if you or your baby are about to die, you will not accept a blood transfusion for either of you?" and i said "no". thank god both of us survived, but it was shortly after that i began to question things bcs i just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that jehovah would want a new mom or a baby to die for any reason.
so that was 5 years ago, and once i start letting myself think, the doubts came often and heavy. i have done lots of reading and researching and now i have an issue with almost everything about the JWs and their teachings and "organization". so i won't even get into that as i'm sure most of you understand. my children are still quite young, so i am happy that i at least have got it figured out that i won't raise them JW and spare them that.
however, i think i have been so crippled by this religion's crushing control on me that i don't even know how to decide what's next. i don't even know what i believe anymore. i thought i was so well versed in the bible and knew god....well, i was well versed in the NWT and knew the JW god. so i feel like i'm starting at square one...where do i go?? i believe in god ad the bible. i would like to go to some sort of church...something non denominational that doesn't force a doctrine down my throat but that is uplifting and encouraging to visit. i would like to meet other christians. but like i said, i feel like an idiot...i don't even know where to start.
of course, it is totally freaking me out that i am going to lose most of my friends and my entire family who are all active JWs. when i go out, i'm going all the way out and will be doing the holidays/birthdays with my kids....so it's not gonna be a big secret. it's just sad to think that my entire social network will be gone in one day.
also i am worried about my husband. he has expressed many doubts over the years as i have and has missed many meetings/service/etc, but now that i am finally deciding to act on those doubts and get out, he is trying to get religious on me and now go to all the meetings...?!?! i know that we will each decide for ourselves what is truth and what isn't, but it worries me seeing him do this. he won't read anything online or in print that is anti-JW even if it's simply 3rd party facts that contradict what the society says. he will listen to me tell him what i read, but doesn't want anymore to do with it than that.
anyway, sorry this post is soooo all over the place, but i'm just so grateful to ahve found this forum. i would appreciate any thoughts/advice/support....whatever ya got! oh and can anyone recommend a good bible?? i want one that is a word for word translation, but that is also easy to read/follow in modern english.
thanks for reading.