I remember reading your opening story not long after I signed on here and it broke my heart to read about how desperately lonely you were. I really felt for you. I can relate to the feeling of life passing you by while watching the (seeming) happiness and togetherness of others all around while you're perishing in isolation, loneliness and obscurity. I could also relate to DaCheech's situation when he was single and nearly all the eligible single ladies would pass him up because they only wanted elders, CO's, bethelites, etc. It was the same with me. Unfortunately for me, an attempted hookup with someone from my past exploded in my face. LOL! It was just as well though since I'm freeing myself of that crap now and dating possibilities are all around now too. See... not all single "brothers" have it so easy either.
Keep on the path you're on and stay true to yourself. When you have successfully extricated yourself from the clutches of the bOrg and the GB that controls them, we'll be here for you cheering when you get to the other side. Hang on girl!